Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

[AlmostFreeMo]

Next Fred...

Gee thanks Gene and everyone else.

Busy weekends are always good when I'm in charge
The only hint of sadness is going out with say a picnic to a lovely spot...with bloody canoodling couples, all arms and legs entwined lying down on their picnic rugs

It's a new concept spending family days as the only adult. It's great if you're with friends, don't even notice the absence of a fidgety male but every now and then I think it would be nice to share these moments with someone. But all in good time I suppose.

Sounds lovely, I totally get the couple thing it is like a breavemevt in sense you lost family unit a few months ago it wasn't on cards at all. Good to be honest about how it makes you feel, on plus side this means despite his best efforts he hadn't put you off men for life!

On the contrary, Akire! I probably think about it a bit too much. Now that I'm at this point, whenever I'm around couples or other parents, I can't help but watch them and be fascinated by even very subtle displays or exchanges of love and care between them. It restores my faith in happy relationships, I suppose, and that there are normal men out there who treat their wives, whatever the work/childcare ratio, with respect. Which is totally normal.

Aw you old softie :) fingers crossed Monday money arrives without any Agro. Hope you fast asleep by now

sounds fab - much better than having him around. I have found lots of mums are on their own at weekends husbands working or whatever so try to find some mates who will do things with you and the children?

and so funny you feel envious when you see canoodling couples they make me feel a bit sick!! no hope for me!! :0)

Just noticed you didn't say that at all i totally projected that - ignore me!!

How ya doing Mo?

Mo, I thought I'd just ask I'm back from a day from hell then more hell followed
How was your day ?

Hello guys. How are you doing now Mix?
I've been absent because I've had the most appalling tension headache, nausea and chest pains...off to the doctor this morning. This is highly unusual for me, I am not prone to headaches at all, so to have one that lasts four days is a bit worrying. Almost certainly caused by stress, can't think why...
Still no word from the mediation woman.
And ex P keeps bugging me for a password to something we usually have shared access to (just an app account, nothing personal) but I keep 'forgetting' to send it to him, much like he keeps forgetting to send me the Easter holiday money. Must be so annoying for him to not get something he wants, poor dear.

Hi mo sorry you been ill, does sound stress related but no harm getting a look over and maybe stuff to help. Could be migraine? Great about password lol

Oh, you are a meanie about the password Mo !!
I expect this is a stress reaction and no wonder, no harm in getting checked over. Hope you feel better soon.

Yep stress related and doc said I have symptoms of depression bloody hell. I have never in my life had anything like this before. I don't usually get sick or suffer from anything, mental or physical. I am not a depressed person. My default is happy and smiley so it doesn't 'fit' with me.
And it's all down to him which makes me so, so angry. How dare he do this to me.
So the doc has referred me to the psychology team so I can have some form of counselling. I suppose it's inevitable though, all this. I think counselling is a good idea.
He also asked me if I'd been thinking about ADs - but definitely not. I don't think that would help at all (and he agreed).

Sorry to hear that you have been unwell. I think the counselling/therapy will be a good thing for you. I've had CBT and it really did wonders for me, I was able to say all the things that I felt I couldn't say (I thought I would bore DH/friends) and it helped me to unpick behaviours of my mother/me and gave me strategies on how to deal with this in the future.

In regards to the depression, think about doing something like mindfulness (you can get an app), tapping and also excercise.

for you

Not surprised at the doctors verdict at all, you have had so much to deal with. ADs can be brilliant for clinical depression but yours is more a natural reaction to circumstances I suppose, so probably ADs are not the way to go for you, counselling could be good though.
Is he due to send any money soon? Is he making things any harder than usual, Easter money aside?

Yes agree your depression is certainly as result of circumstances where perhaps AD less effective. Glad you accepted counselling hopefully they can see you quick where you are often long wait.

Some people find they feel stronger after, because learn techniques and understand situations better you know it's not you it's normal feel like that having lived in circumstances. Hopefully will support you through final hurdles and he drags feet.

Have you heard from benefits yet? Hopefully get back pay and can treat yourself and kids xx

Stupid stressfull day, followed by locking of horns with H, compounded by too much wine......All is noticeably silent in my house today !

Sorry to hear you are feeling crap. mentally tortured, but at least no illness to heal.
P can sit & spin before you give him the password.

Now I'm worried he'll find out and will say see, I told you you had MH problems.

No, no, no - you don't have mental health problems (not that it would be anything to be ashamed of) you are having a natural reaction to recent stress. Anyway, how would he find out? It would take a robot not to react to all you have had going on. Things happen to people, job loss, bereavement, relationship problems, and we get down/sad/depressed - of course, we are human, it's what we do (unless you live on Planet Ego and lack any insight or empathy like your partner) Don't worry about seeing the doctor, and prick never needs to know anything.

Errr no you are having a perfectly normal emotional reaction to your circumstances.

Arse is the one that has MH problems because he is incapable of engaging emotionally or considering anyone else's needs!!!

Grumpy, Random, I know that, we all know that, but I'm worried about him trying to skew things, e.g. with his solicitor, a bit further down the road.

His mum might tell him what's going on. She knows about my headache and doc appt because I asked her to have youngest so I could get some sleep the other day. She was worried about me and almost had the paramedics out (I stopped her as I said it wasn't an emergency!). She'll ask me how the appointment went and I'm not going to lie. She suffered similarly when her children were small so she will understand to a degree. Even if I tell her not to say anything to him, I can't trust that she won't as she may want to make her own point to him, i.e. look at what's happening to her.

Could you not just tell her that the GP says it's stress-related?

I'm not good at lying - I can say that and then what? She'll ask what he prescribed, or what advice he gave. Even she knows it's stress related already.

Yep, just say it is stress-related. Because it is. Then if she shares the information with him, it will actually be saying that a Doctor (somebody 'official') recognises the stress you have been put under, the implication being that ex has caused it. Which he has.

Then say the doctor recommended you see a counsellor for advice and techniques on dealing with the stress caused by recent events. You really don't have to elaborate further.