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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
Mamia15 · 05/05/2016 07:56

This says a lot about what kind of friends they are - you don't need these people so I would cut your losses and move on. Sadly they probably won't be the first to show their true colours.

kittybiscuits · 05/05/2016 08:06

If they do this, they are not your true friends and as much as it hurts, you will be better off without them. KOKO

Joysmum · 05/05/2016 08:51

I think Orlanda has a point.

There are those 'friends' who want to stay out of it and continue relationships with both of you and do will politely decline to discuss anything like that. Doesn't mean they are on his side.

Then there are those who won't discuss and are on his side.

Then there are those who are 'your' friends and will talk about and be your support.

mamas12 · 05/05/2016 08:52

Yep agree with the consensus, they can't really be true friends. Real friends would be concerned for you and it sounds like they are just concerned with themselves.
I do wonder what was said to them as it is unfair that they hear him out and not you for the first time anyway.
What I would do having been through this is talk to them again explaining that you 'understand' their feelings but please bear in mind that what they hear from him is not the whole story and if they would like clarification at any time if something sounds bizarre to them, to call you. Plant the seed in their minds that his version is way out there and be concerned for them in having to deal with him.

Grumpyoldblonde · 05/05/2016 09:06

Sorry to hear this Mo, I think it is to be expected though. Bear in mind that whatever he tells other people will be his truth as he sees it. He will believe what he is saying, he was plausible enough for you to wonder if he was behaving normally and at the start of your threads it took a lot of posts for you to realise that he is behaving badly, and you are (were) his partner for many years. This was never going to easy but you have done so well. Friends don't like the status quo being upset, and don't like to be caught in the middle. You know the truth, you have evidence in black and white, your mutual friend has 2 sides of a story, one from a manipulative, plausible person who believes he has done no wrong. Keep strong Mo.

wallywobbles · 05/05/2016 09:32

I'm afraid staying friends with both parties in a separation is a noble aim but early impossible.

Mostly your pre relationship friends remain yours. Don't expect joint friends to remain in your camp and you won't be disappointed.

mix56 · 05/05/2016 09:53

Mo, it is going to hurt. wally is right.
Affirmation that everyone understands would be comforting. but he will have been saying "Mo blows all the money, if I give her more its like a bottomless hole, she gets into debt. She is trying to screw me over" After all socially he is known as a great fellow who gets in the drinks....

I agree with PP also, that if some of the "friends" shut down; the moral high ground is the way to go, smile & say, you understand them being neutral & your own snake pit is your own to handle. & living on 89p pp der day is not trying to screw him over

For what it's worth, My brother had a miserable split up with my XSIL, He was monstrous, unpardonable, but I never knew the whole truth & probably don't to this day. However he is my brother, & I had to accept he wasn't perfect. It never stopped being friends with XSIL, things went quiet for a while, but now we may even be going on mad exotic holiday at some point, (as for my new SIL, she is, how shall I say ? errrr.. OK, but I would never go further than the pub with her !)

Joysmum · 05/05/2016 10:27

Real friends would be concerned for you and it sounds like they are just concerned with themselves

I totally disagree with this statement.

Many of my friends and my own parents have divorced and friendships have remained in place to both the couple because of keeping the breakup out of the friendships.

In the case of my parents, my parents have kept their in laws and remained close friends and consider themselves family still, but more like siblings.

It is very doable to retain friendships with both parties and the bears no reflection on the quality of friendship.

AriaVitiello · 05/05/2016 14:06

Hey Mo

Just a pompom wave. You're doing so well. Must be so hard at times. You'll get there. A brilliant, happy, and joyous life is on the way for you and your children. Flowers

Akire · 05/05/2016 15:49

Hope you are looking forward to proper weekend at home to yourselves. Anything nice planned?

kittybiscuits · 06/05/2016 07:58

BrewCake Hope you're okay.

Dungandbother · 06/05/2016 13:27

All quiet from Mo

Just saying Hi and happy sunny weekend.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 06/05/2016 14:26

Hello, sorry, I'm here! Thank you and I will be back later...Grin

OP posts:
BoatyMcBoat · 06/05/2016 18:15

Oh look! The sun's out! Presaging new and happier horizons Wine

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 06/05/2016 18:40

The sun is definitely helping...and some of this WineChocolate Cheers everyone Wink

OP posts:
Akire · 06/05/2016 18:55

Winehappy Friday all ! I've chosen rather nice bottle I can't pronounce from his stash lol

mix56 · 07/05/2016 17:11

Any more contact from Prick ? are you supposed to set up Skype for him tomorrow?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 07/05/2016 18:24

"Hopefully you feel got some new friends here too and we are all just fabulous! Even better we all here 100% for you x"
Thanks Akire SmileSmileSmileYou ARE all fabulous.

Busy but lovely couple of days with kids and friends. Good to take a break from thinking about everything. Regarding said friend...it hurt initially but I'll just leave it and see where it goes. I've been polite and nothing more I can do. It's not like I'm going to try and get them to come over to Camp FreeMo.

Anyway nothing from him. Nothing from mediation lady either. No mention of skyping. We're out tomorrow too so since he hasn't scheduled it he'll miss the chance too. But it seems he lives on another planet, not just country anyway.

OP posts:
Akire · 07/05/2016 18:34

Good to hear from you Mo, but great you have had some out and relaxing days with kids. Imagine it's feels very freeing.

Still no benefit news? He's probable waiting for Monday to play his will I /will I not pay you card. He's not messying kids at all but to be expected. You can't be expected hang around in laptop range just in case.

Atenco · 07/05/2016 19:56

Glad you are relaxing and enjoying life, Mo, you've had a hard few months.

genehuntswife · 08/05/2016 10:54

Hi Mo, I've just spent the best part of the last 24 hours reading your journey. And what a journey it is, I know you probably won't appreciate it yet.....but wowsers lady...you are one strong mama.

And you have another flag waving Pom pom shaking supporter here.

PhoenixReisling · 08/05/2016 11:08

Glad you are having an enjoyable time.

Have a glass of Wine on me Smile

Grumpyoldblonde · 08/05/2016 13:02

G & Ts all round? Sun is shining Mo and you will soon be 12 stone lighter Smile Glad you are having a nice time with the children, lots more happiness ahead!

Akire · 08/05/2016 13:19

I take G and T for taste mointing purposes :)

BoatyMcBoat · 08/05/2016 18:42

Sounds like an idyllic weekend, Mo.