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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 29/04/2016 15:52

This is just a one off then, in that case. But actually I don't think him on his own is preferable either - ad you say, he doesn't know how to be with all of them by himself or how to handle it. And he can't always rely on having someone else to help. So how would that be viewed?

OP posts:
rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 29/04/2016 15:55

Well I'd hope CAFCASS will want to observe him with the children for a start - that's something you can work towards when you get to that point. But currently it's the children's house, all their things are there, basically he can leave them to do their thing while he does his. When you and the children have your own home, will he have bedrooms for them? Toys there? He's going to be less able to just rely on the children wandering off to play and have to give a lot more input and structured time with them. Be really careful about accidentally setting precedents until you've got to the point of professional advice around contact.

DollyTwat · 29/04/2016 15:59

Mo you don't have any safety concerns regarding him seeing the dc do you?
If not, then dropping them off is fine and the best outcome for you. As long as everyone in the house leaves when you go back in, there's no problem

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 29/04/2016 16:00

I plan to leave as soon as his guests arrive.
I wouldn't leave him purely on his own with all of them.

OP posts:
rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 29/04/2016 16:05

This is his parenting normality, isn't it? Doing his own thing and entertaining himself but with the children and you living a separate life in his space. Like goldfish in a bowl that swim around while he's at home. He won't have realised yet that separating from you means he is going to have to actually parent if he wants contact. When you and court start looking into contact these are issues to raise with CAFCASS, in particular what a pp said about his issues with any threats to his presentation to the world or his money, as well as his ability and willingness to manage all three. You may need to be prepared for him trying to request only one child at a time for contact when the time comes to set up arrangements.

BoatyMcBoat · 29/04/2016 16:12

It sounds OKish, possibly best you're going to get under these circumstances.

Drop the children off at home in time for lunch, do not go in, just stay in the car until the children are inside. You then go and lunch with a friend. Then you can either return to house just as he is leaving, or you and your friend (and their children) can go to a local park, where he drops your children just before he leaves.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 29/04/2016 16:12

Yes that sounds about right. It is always me doing the parenting with him engaging with them but only if I 'nag' him: they need a bath; take her to the loo; help him with his homework; make them a sandwich etc. etc. He's even refused to take one of them to the loo or change a nappy because he'd just washed his hands for example. Horrible. I hate saying it and it makes me angry that I didn't crack long ago but it's true. I've never been comfortable with him on his own with them because he just is not actively doing enough with them, it's passive parenting, and I've even told him that in the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 29/04/2016 16:19

It's so sad isn't it. I've been a total dogsbody since the day DC1 was born and he's done nothing at all. Yet what I do is still worthless to him. He thinks it's ok for children to bring themselves up because presumably that's how it mostly was for him. Little engagement, care or nurturing from his parents.

OP posts:
notonyurjellybellynelly · 29/04/2016 16:21

You've got him against the ropes. He can't cope with being around the new you alone.

BuunyChops · 29/04/2016 16:25

Please please make sure you have their passports with you.

As much as he clearly has no interest in actually being a father; he does have interest in controlling you; now that doing it through money has slipped; he may be looking to regain control through the children.

On a slightly lighter note (as in in bad not bad bad) my first thought when you said about him having them for lunch and him inviting others was that in his head this means that you will come too, make lunch for them all, look after the kids, play the gracious hostess and clean up afterwards.............

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 29/04/2016 16:49

He's clearly nuts.

His last message - after I repeated I felt unsafe because he's been threatening abc intimidating me etc.:

Please do not continue to make these false accusations. I have certainly not intimidated, undermined or threatened you. I must advise you though that should I obtain any evidence from third parties that you have been saying that I have then legal action may follow for defamation of character.

Eh? Does he think he's in the public domain and that I might go to The Sun to slander him??? He's talking utter bollocks.

He says he hasn't threatened me but two days ago he threatened to call the police which I have in a text message!

OP posts:
clam · 29/04/2016 16:58

Are you sure he hasn't found these threads and means we're the 3rd party?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 29/04/2016 16:59

I've not named any names.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 29/04/2016 17:00

Keep your powder dry. No text arguments that might reveal what your thinking! No back and forth!

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 29/04/2016 17:02

You can't argue with batty. Does he always address you like a public meeting?

TheSilveryPussycat · 29/04/2016 17:06

There is no point in giving him your reasons. He is not reasonable.

PhoenixReisling · 29/04/2016 17:08

Just ignore. And then laugh. VERY loudly.

mix56 · 29/04/2016 17:16

the 3rd party will be your "advisors & professionals"
However, he has clearly threatened, (police/SS) he is intimidating simply be sending that text....& he has undermined (school club payment) etc etc.
it's irrefutable .....you have proof, he will shortly understand the meaning of defamation, when the reality of his abuse is in the open. Tosser

Grumpyoldblonde · 29/04/2016 17:25

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH - will he sue you, for all that money you have tucked away?? What a twat, he is making himself look a real pillock, do you know? I think you have really got to him, the Emperor is losing his grip on you and he knows it, he is clutching at straws now in desperation.

Iamthinking · 29/04/2016 17:26

Yes I agree, that is an intimidating email in itself....certainly not the message of a loving man.

Grumpyoldblonde · 29/04/2016 17:26

'I must advise you'' sorry, still laughing...

Grumpyoldblonde · 29/04/2016 17:31

All these texts he is sending you, for a clever man he is not very, well, bright, is he?

petalsandstars · 29/04/2016 17:34

Gaslighting 101

notonyurjellybellynelly · 29/04/2016 17:37

Mo. I still say you've got him against the ropes hence the last email. He's no where else to turn.

You mentioned telling a friend of his - don't.

clam · 29/04/2016 17:44

Message him back: What was that if not a threat then arse ?

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