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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
Akire · 28/04/2016 12:00

Least this week has proved one thing if there was element of doubt of 0.01% that he would come to senses and realise what's important in his life- well he's done a great big steaming turd on that. (Apologise anyone having lunch)

RandomMess · 28/04/2016 12:18

Glad you are having a break from it all and are able to eat food again without criticism and judgement!

KOKO Flowers

mix56 · 28/04/2016 12:27

He doesn't know where you are I hope.
He may be in denial, but don't underestimate him. no one knows how manipulative he is better than you.
he may well be getting his own armada in place.
Meanwhile, enjoy YOUR holiday Mo !

petalsandstars · 28/04/2016 12:28

Are you due any post from lawyer/cms/benefits before he goes back? Any chance you could get a redirect in place for your named things to stop him intercepting anything important?

DontMindMe1 · 28/04/2016 12:56

his behaviour -abhorrent as it is - is also really scary. he seems so detached from reality. He's also refusing to even acknowledge anybody elses reality and acts like he has absolutely no empathy or feelings of responsibility towards his family.

i would be asking for psychiatric assessment on him before i allowed him to have unsupervised-by-myself access to the dc. the invoicing, the begrudgingly giving of crumbs, the deliberate mental torture and forcing you to beg - it's the behaviour of psycho/sociopaths.

he has no relationship with his kids, he has no connection with them. he sees them as possessions - his possessions - to be used and controlled according to his will and agenda. what happens if he has the dc on his own and he has another psychotic episode where he feels they are draining his resources - money, time, energy and having a detrimental effect on his 'reputation'? he could easily physically harm them and believe he was right for doing so.

i'd give him what he wants - police and ss involvement. let him watch you all slap him with a restraining/non-mol order. let him see his behaviour written down on record for the 'world' to see. At some point he has to snap out of the reality in his head and engage with the one you all belong to. that could be a tipping point for him and you need to ensure that you and the dc are kept well away and safe from him.

DollyTwat · 28/04/2016 13:58

I don't think men like him ever have that lightbulb moment where they see their behaviour was wrong. They justify it to themselves and rewrite history. Because they can't admit to being wrong

I wouldn't believe anything he said either that alluded to him being sorry. He'd only be sorry that he would have to change for a bit

BoatyMcBoat · 28/04/2016 15:22

I think I'd be invoicing him each month, just before the money is due to go in:

Grocery shopping £xx
Housekeeping £xx
Childcare £xx
Travel £xx
And so on.

Joysmum · 28/04/2016 15:32

Just wondering, if you are officially separated, surely there can't be anymore housekeeping etc, it should be just phrased as child support.

If you're seperated then doesn't that mean you need to completely separate finances rather than asking for money for set things as could that affect the benefit claims?

NettleTea · 28/04/2016 16:23

im pretty sure that maintenance isnt taken off benefits, so as long as its for kids stuff, you are OK

Akire · 28/04/2016 16:24

It would be regarded as child maintence which isn't taken into account for benefits. Because it's on % of his wages the new figure will be much higher than what's she's getting at the moment.

But as he is refusing engage and discuss the we have split up situation mo can't really discuss the facts. It he will continue pay mortgage council tax electric bill on D/D until assists are split up. Or until he says he's not going to pay for X y z any longer. Sure it's common as lots of people have shared loans/credit cards payments due not always easy to split on day one. Especially if Mo isn't going have money to cover say car loan or whatever that's already committed too.

Joysmum · 28/04/2016 16:47

Just concerned that if it's not seen as maintenance and rather household expenses/housekeeping then it might prejudice if they are seen as separated.

I know nothing about the subject and it popped into my head so I was worried Blush

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/04/2016 17:19

Akire is right, anything I get from him now as officially separated is regarded as CM and nothing to do with benefits entitlement as a single parent.
The only thing that could affect my benefits is the house, but not taken into account for at least 6 months from date of separation.

OP posts:
DollyTwat · 28/04/2016 17:26

Do you know how much he earns Mo?
Any proof anywhere you can see?
You could then use the CM calculator to work out how much you should get

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/04/2016 17:28

Yes Dolly, I've don't that already. It's at least three times what he currently gives me!
After I saw SHL she told me that was the first thing to do: tell him how much he needs to pay and if he refused go straight to the CMS (or equivalent in my case).

OP posts:
DollyTwat · 28/04/2016 17:37

Sorry Mo, you did say you'd sent the forms off didn't you.

When does he go back?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/04/2016 17:40

Yes all done (except one more thing).
Monday. Roll on.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 28/04/2016 17:41

Phew. Glad I was worried for nothing Blush

DollyTwat · 28/04/2016 18:28

Ok Mo, the next thing is going to be him asking to see the dc before he goes back

Have you thought about how you are going to handle that request?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/04/2016 18:34

I've already explained to him what I'm doing, that I won't be returning until he's left and that I've taken legal and professional advice in the matter. Nothing for him to ask.

On top of his drinking last night after he left, I've found out (through his own carelessness) that he's attending the event we were meant to be attending together with friends. Reinforcing he doesn't care about the loss of his children. If I need to, I will mention this to him. He has prioritised absolutely everything except them since he's been back.

OP posts:
Akire · 28/04/2016 18:37

Mo is the woman in charge ! Can you get in touch with anyone from social event and ask if he said why he was alone? That be interesting. Or maybe phone call to his mum onces he back in a reassuring of course you are still part of lives now we have seperated thing. To see if they actually know and accept it. Or under illusion you are having funny turn!

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/04/2016 18:48

Previous post:
*after WE left (obv)

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/04/2016 18:50

I suppose I could... but they are his circle of friends not mine so bit weird.
I will contact one of his oldest friends though who appears to have no clue. He's a decent bloke and I'm sure he'd be shocked as he's been putting on this act very convincingly for so long.

OP posts:
DollyTwat · 28/04/2016 18:55

You could offer to put your itemised list up on his Facebook page for him. See if he's prepared to justify that to his friends

Dungandbother · 28/04/2016 21:56

Dignity Mo. No need to explain to anyone. Those that care will make themselves known.

BoatyMcBoat · 28/04/2016 23:50

I wouldn't tell him anything beyond what you legally have to, Mo. If you point out his carelessness towards the children, he will blame it on you and make up some story which you might have to deal with at some point later. I would just let him carry on exactly as he wants to, and let him hang himself.