Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 27/04/2016 18:57

Well done Mo. My God he's delusional. He has a huge shock coming when he runs up against professionals in this separation who are not going to join him in his fantasy megalomia land where he is God and social services severely punish mummies who don't obey bedtime. (Or him.)

He talks to you like a managing director to a very junior, failing colleague. His mental stability is really not good. I'm very glad you have informed SS and police what you're dealing with. Thanks

OvertiredandConfused · 27/04/2016 19:03

Hope you're doing okay this evening Mo. I understand if you don't want to say, or if I've forgotten from an earlier thread, but roughly where are you based? I'm thinking region, not town!

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 27/04/2016 22:30

As advised by the refuge earlier today, they said to just leave today and if I have any family to go to, try that first as it's less disruptive for the children. For some reason she said I wouldn't get into a refuge for the time period I need (don't get why but that's by the by now).

She said as long as I inform him why I'm leaving, that the children will be in a safe place, he can't accuse me of anything, try as he might. She also says mention I have taken legal advice and this is the best thing for us at the moment.

My family are scattered far and wide but I rang a family member who I thought might be able to help, and very, very thankfully they can and have, and that is where we are now, safe and away from him.

Think I missed out a bit earlier: when I was saying police, SS and schools all informed, it was to let them know of my plans to leave with the kids, and to pre-empt any far-fetched calls from him by forewarning them. Police are fine with that, but SS couldn't really record the call as they need a proper referral before getting involved. However if he does contact them they would liaise with the police anyway who are aware. Schools were absolutely fine and understanding of it all.

So off we went and I sent him my message to explain what I was doing just as we were setting off.

His comeback?:

I have nor undermined or degraded you in any shape or form. Please don't make things up. I have behaved completely normally. Not sure what you are trying to portray or achieve here but it is a complete and utter fabrication of the situation and not fair to me or the children.

NOT even the slightest concern for the children! All about HIM and me being a nutter. Hang on, weren't his concerns five minutes before about the children's welfare?! Completely forgotten all of a sudden. Had no further response from him. I find that very odd. If it were me, I'd be on the phone grovelling on my hands and knees apologising every which way to get my kids back.

OP posts:
DollyTwat · 27/04/2016 22:35

Mo I think he's a robot.

Glad you are safe and away from him. Can you stay til he goes back?

kittybiscuits · 27/04/2016 22:37

He was playing to the audience there. So glad you and the children are safe. Thinking of you and your future. It starts here x

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 27/04/2016 22:38

Yes, plan to be here until he leaves. I'll be nervous about whether he actually leaves and doesn't change his flight... but maybe I can find out through someone else if he's actually gone when he's supposed to be.

OP posts:
Perdyboo · 27/04/2016 22:41

He has behaved completely normally for him which was the problem!! Well done for stepping away Flowers

Akire · 27/04/2016 22:42

So glad to hear you are safe , you have done so much today.

He's not undermined or degraded you??? Hang on today's he's threaten to call SS about being unfit parent because you brought the children home at 8.45 pm!!!!

Making you account for every penny, until he's totally satusifed with detailed explanation no not degrading at all......

Going through freezer and cupboards looking at dates and accusing you of spending housekeeper (that's store care only) on something sinister!! No he's not undermining you at all.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 27/04/2016 22:45

And just for the record, in light of MNHQ's posts:

While I am very much a distressed mother trying to free herself of an abusive relationship, I have not accepted a penny from anyone despite many kind and incredible offers to help. I am extremely touched and grateful for and even reliant on your support as you know, hence my continuation of this thread, but my motivation certainly is not for financial gain and I would hate anyone to even think that! This is all above board and I wouldn't be here having achieved where I am now - SAFE - without your support and encouragement.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 27/04/2016 22:50

Fuck me, he's a complete sociopath. I cannot believe he is reacting like this.

Costacoffeeplease · 27/04/2016 22:50

Delurking to say that I don't think anyone here thinks you are here for financial support but hq just have to post that as a matter of course

Well done, you've done yourself and your children proud todayFlowers

SonjasSister · 27/04/2016 22:51

Don't worry Mo, Mumsnet have to do that always when people offer to send money or that sort of help. It isn't personal, nobody thinks that about you (though loads of us would love to be able to help IRL!)

So glad you are somewhere safe and calm.

DollyTwat · 27/04/2016 23:09

It's a standard warning Mo, I think a lot of us would gladly help you.

You are doing the right thing, he will try to fuck with your head now, so be prepared for that. You are perfectly sane, a brilliant mother and a financial wizard in my eyes

notapizzaeater · 27/04/2016 23:13

Glad you are safe - now get phoning everyone tomorrow and start claiming some benefits - knowing him he will not let you have a penny now

OvertiredandConfused · 27/04/2016 23:18

Well done Mo. Sounds like you are free, albeit with many battles to come. Koko

Loubilou09 · 27/04/2016 23:19

It might be a standard message from mnhq but its been said once and doesn't need repeating. Patronising to all on this thread who have been here from the start and clearly aren't stupid!

Enough please it's boring and unnecessary.

Mo glad to hear you are safe - he sounds a bit rattled in his reply. I bet he is actually getting worried now...stay safe

glad2016 · 27/04/2016 23:23

Well done Mo :)
enuff said :)

clam · 27/04/2016 23:23

He speaks to you as if you're a rather pesky member of staff who's stepping out of line. It's all very tiresome for him, as he's now going to have to waste precious time instigating disciplinary proceedings against you. Why can't you just get back in your box and behave?

Akire · 27/04/2016 23:34

Any decent bloke would immediately offer stay in hotel not like he can't afford it, so not to distrubt kids lives if only for few days. But no carefully worded to cover his ass, why are you doing this- not what's making you react. Pointing out how normal he is when anything but. Remember right back at thread one page you were so drummed into you coulnt even see if there was a problem. It was questioning the very belief things weren't right. He believes all of this.

I'm sure he go back to work soon, status que all normal. How was your holiday tosser - oh yes fine can't complain. But everything's changed for the good. This is temporally shitty satus it will not last.

Atenco · 27/04/2016 23:45

Oh I'm so glad you and the children are safe, Mo.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 28/04/2016 04:19

Only just catching up, Mo! And even then I'm going to have to find Fred 3; I think it's fallen off my TIO.

Just wanted to wave my pom poms, and say KOKO. You really are doing well. I get it might not feel like it at the moment, but as a PP said, just a few weeks ago, you weren't even sure if this was normal behaviour.

mix56 · 28/04/2016 06:25

Well, Good, you are safe. & have presumably told the DCs the truth.
His reply is classic EA refutal. don't worry you have a paper trail.

Today he will be ringing police/solicitor/ss. anyone he can to put you back in the box. infant not you anymore. this will be about the theft of his children.
He will deny knowledge that you intended to leave, he will say it isn't orthodox.
He will say you are unstable, unfit & dangerous.
He could get an emergency order to return the children.
It has happened before.
Be strong. please consider a group fund Mo.it will help with the SHL. which you are certain to need now.

mix56 · 28/04/2016 06:25

infact .soz

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 28/04/2016 06:31

Just to say...I have already sent off paperwork for benefits - rang them up the day I told him it was over. So hope they kick in soon.

Hopefully my warnings to the police will stop any nonsense at his end if he tries to make out it's me who needs help.

I can't stop thinking about what he's doing in the house all alone, wondering what is going through his head.

OP posts:
mix56 · 28/04/2016 06:43

Don't worry about him.
You feeling invested in how he is feeling is a left over of the former subordinate oppressed Mo
He has had months to do something nice, visit, give something, anything, into your relationship.
But "GIVING" is not part of his DNA,
Think "Damaged Goods."
You are almost there now. Be strong.

Swipe left for the next trending thread