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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've met someone and want to ask him out

949 replies

ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:30

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting! Smile

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely? Grin

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ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 21:52

I can't agree with your friend more! She's absolutely right.

And I hate to say it This, but you're wrong. I can't imagine he'd be acting reserved to make sure he doesn't lead you on!
He's shy because he's interested in you, you're right when you say the opposite doesn't make sense.

I hate this absolute certainty that they're interested, then for no reason what so ever you suddenly decided you're making it up entirely. I keep feeling that way and I imagine it'll get worse the closer I get to asking him!

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ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 21:52

The 'you're wrong' part wasn't supposed to come across harsh Grin it was meant to be lighthearted!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 21:57

OMG Prof it seems we are feeling so, so similar! Which I find completely heartwarming. Of course, your man is your dream guy and there is so much potential for you! Smile Smile You know; I feel so fortunate to be having these feelings for this guy. A few months ago I never ever dreamed I would go through this ever again.

You describe yourself as being brave and I admire your guts as you choose to go for what you want. It is, however, so lovely that you too go through these completely paradoxical thoughts you just described so beautifully. And you are scared too. I'm not alone, obviously!

Vintage1996 · 03/06/2016 21:59

What has he or she not asked each other out?

Vintage1996 · 03/06/2016 22:00

*why

ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 22:00

It's funny This, because in my head the fact I'm SO interested in him means it's guaranteed to fail and I'll feel embarrassed for ever feeling so strongly for someone!

We definitely seem to be in the same boat, I feel exactly the same as you in that I do also feel lucky to be feeling this way. I've been single for quite a while now and truly believed I wouldn't meet someone for a LONG time. But there he was, and now here I am sat with him stuck in my head going round and round analysing his actions!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 22:01

And, really, am I right to think only the French would be having a conversation, like the one I had with my friend today, about how once she got married suddenly a small handful of men popped out of the woodwork and professed their feelings for her and found it completely NORMAL to start flirting with this woman who had recently got married.

In their defence it seems that these men were blessed with lucidity as they knew she was making a dreadful mistake marrying her guy. Sure enough, she was divorced three years later.

Shudder.

ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 22:02

Like fifteen year olds, Prof!

SweeneyToddFlyingSquad · 03/06/2016 22:10

Long time lurker here...forgive me for trespassing...but I read you are going to change the thread title....how on earth will I find it...you've got to keep me informed....I look forward to this hoping one of you gets what you want...and for the record...I'm a hairy arsed bloke with a hard exterior and a soft interior ....can't believe I'm actually typing this....oh...and if any of you need a hand...ill Deffo help lol

ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 22:13

Don't worry Sweeney you'll find us! Only changing the title because the thread will run out soon Grin
We'll be knocking about in relationships somewhere.

Always nice to meet a long time lurker Grin it amazes me people are interested Blush

We definitely need your help, a mans perspective would be wonderful! Especially a hairy arsed man! Grin

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SweeneyToddFlyingSquad · 03/06/2016 22:15

My other half thinks I'm mad ....but it takes me back to younger days when I can put myself in your positions...like I said...I'm a big softy ...but I wouldn't tell the lads at work what I do

ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 22:16

A happy dance here in France after reading your post SweeneyTodd! Thank you for showing up! We really, really could do with your advice because, as you've probably already noticed, we are a little hopeless and most pathetic!

Peebles1 · 03/06/2016 22:16

I think Sweeney is Tutorman! GrinGrin

ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 22:16

I like softies, SweeneyTodd!

ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 22:18

Ahh, but if Sweeney is indeed Tutor man we would have to do away with our ridiculous superhero names, Peebles1

Gees, if car mechanic and Tutor man knew about this thread they would have us institutionalised.

ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 22:19

Peebles, my heart actually just sank when I read that!! Grin imagine if he is?!

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ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 22:20

They'd have restraining orders taken out This, that's the worst part! I'd feel like some creep even if we ended up dating due to the amount of time I've spent discussing him online GrinBlush it's shameful!

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SweeneyToddFlyingSquad · 03/06/2016 22:20

Am a bit too old for you lot I think lol...have watched this thread from day one...even to the point of catching up with it at work lol...if I can help in any way I will...but sometimes us blokes are shy and slow on the uptake...sometimes a blunt kick up the arse is what we need...Prof...have a word with your friend and get them to pull him to one side and say they know how you look at him and he looks at you...there's obviously something there and get his finger out before it's too late

ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 22:21

Ooh also, I have confirmation from a male friend that men (he does anyway) do the annoying constantly thinking about people they fancy too!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 22:21

Do you think Tutor man is, I quote, hairy arsed, Prof?

ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 22:22

I'll get him to bend over for something and try have a peek This. If I see a generous amount of hair I'll shout "I KNEW IT!" and run out of the room leaving him gobsmacked Grin

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SweeneyToddFlyingSquad · 03/06/2016 22:22

Prof...I can Deffo confirm we do

LovePGtipsMonkey · 03/06/2016 22:22

I wouldn't change the title, I'd modify to '..and I'm about to ask him out' so that no excuses for us posters! But itwill be recogniseable, I wouldn't want it to sound new so that lots of new people come in and we will have to explain all out stories - and the new people may be too harsh.

This, as I've explained, I'm hoping if he does like me, and I want closure if he doesn't - I can't choose one before I know for sure his attitude! If you were in the UK, I'd invite you to come along of course! it's in a few days so not exactly happening. Of course it can be humiliating, if he's not keen on me. Imagine some guy who you aer civil to but don't feel attarction, were waiting for you after some social event! how awkward and embarassing. And men are not always as kind as women. Prof at this event I don't know anyone who's going - he is on the 'presentation' side so he and colleagues are not coming out the same way as those who attend (sorry sounds cagey but I don't want to make it identifiable) so I can't pretend I'm just by chance walking along. I suppose once outside and he doesn't see me, I could walk along in same direction as if not deliberately - but it may be obvious anyway. I would much rather he contacts/invites me to come up for a chat (I can dream). Maybe I should think of somne reason that he would, but not easy.

ProfessorPickles · 03/06/2016 22:23

Still having a serious giggle to myself over here about Peeble accusing Sweeney Grin
No wonder he's keen to find out where the thread is going!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/06/2016 22:23

Any advice about car mechanic man then SweeneyTodd, whilst you're here. I'm almost afraid to ask, I'm that nervous now we have a real man on this thread. Bloody exciting!

All this nervous tension between him and I is playing havoc with my brain and body.

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