I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

This, it's driving me mad! And you're right it'll fill up quickly if I carry on
My app is messing up, it keeps saying something to do with iTunes too it's driving me mad!

Tbf I've never knowingly asked men out either. By that I mean that I might say 'you wanna have lunch?' And I honestly just mean that, 'do you need to eat? If so, do you want to eat together?' I hardly put much thought into that. In my head if I need to eat or drink or do x, if I need company or want company, I'm pretty quick to initiate.

I appreciate though that if it's a person I fancy I might get more jittery. But I'm pretty resourceful in trying to get to the end goal.

Eg. I wanted to see someone who lives in a different country half way across the world. I had no financial means to get there (or any real personal reason but I could possibly create a work reason). So I did. I even got funded. Everything was genuine and honest and above board but my point is I wanted to go. So I created the opportunity. 6 months later I made it there.

Actually come to think of it, I did that twice!!

You can do it.

That's such a good, rational way to approach things apivita, I wish I could be more like that.

Did the trip pay off?

ThisIs can you give the garage door a kick so it needs looking at again?

PG maybe him being away for a while will help, a bit of space might give you a chance to start feeling better about it all, do you think?

Maybe we could do a matchmaking exchange programme, where we all swap to pass on the 'my mate fancies you' message. Bagsy the France trip though, cos it was my idea .

You have no idea how much you are all making me laugh and yes apivita, I've always considered myself resourceful too but I think I'm out of practice after being married for 13 years. Thank you for the encouragement!

LovePGtops has gone quiet. Are you OK?

I'm off to bed. Up very early again.

And thank you one and all. I'll be booking your airline tickets tomorrow.

Well the first trip I stayed 2 years. I had a rather serious boyfriend who I would have married if not for some reasons I won't go into now. I didn't want to go over there on a 'dependent's visa'. I wanted to be there on my own merit if that makes sense.

The second trip I managed to see the person I wanted to see and really enjoyed it.

This, but how is this asking him out, when you are just popping in into your local garage that is repairing YOUR car and taking a lot of time with it? More to the point, if you are in a village, people ar used to be social and say hi to each other, and you actually had a little drinks party with the garage boss and B so they see you as a social friend already! I get it, some people can't actually say 'would you go on a date with me?' or similar, but going into the garage was just to get a chance to chat to him and then orchestrate his next visit - or at least discuss when is he going to drop off the Jag - and when he does, offer him a drink saying that the party is being postponed. If you really can't utter these words, then at least it's your chance to flirt and be a bit more obvious with your flirting so he gets more brave.
I sometimes have other things to do, This, haha - and don't always know how long does it takes, so don't be alarmed when I go off the thread! I was on it most of today haha!
Ah so that's classed as the NOrth still? I'd love to visit more of France generally.
Thank you Muddle - I'd love it so much if someone culd talk to him quietly about me, and then found out what's his situation exactly and gave me all the info. Not even whether he's interested but just if things aer rosy or not with GF, and whether he'd consider being more social - I really don't expect him to just suddenly date me even if he wasn't in a relationship - some people need that social warm up first. I think he's quite a shy type when it comes to women (and I like that).
I could of course preserve my dignity and not hang around waiting, I have to decide that. After all he has a way of contactign me if he suddenly wanted to. It's a dilemma.

apivita - it just shows that it's the best approach if both of us suggested exactly the same two options!

*how long will it take

Hey prof read this and thought of you! https://www.timeshighereducation.com/features/should-academics-avoid-friendships-with-students

Good evening! It's Friday, the weekend beckons and I hope you have all had a good, productive day.

Hello This! You know, I as hoping that since you haven't been on the thread at your usual earlier time, you may have popped in to the garage at the end of the day! Sounds like you still have no courage but at leats maybe find out by phoning when the car will be ready? so that you can look forward to/plan something.
Who knows, maybe Prof managed to talk to the tutor alone today.

Evening everyone.

Are you going to the music festival this weekend ThisIs? Or is it next weekend?

Any news from PG or Prof?

Hello LovePGtips! It's good to see you here! So, how was your day and how are you? By the way, when I was asking where you were yesterday evening it's just because I was wondering if you were feeling alright with this man of yours firmly planted in your head. We are here for you, ok?

Before working this afternoon I met up with a good friend in town and, amongst other things, we had a brill, funny chat about the B situation - or lack of, some might say - and, yes, she's giving me exactly the same kind of advice as you!

I'm beginning to feel outnumbered in the nicest possible way!

I've been thinking about something for a few days, which has been triggered by these ongoing 'should a woman ask a man out' threads and my conversation endorsed my opinion.

Here it is:

You know how it's generally believed that men always go for what they want and that's why women should never do the asking out? Well, my friend and I both came up with example after example of men we used to know, and her current partner who really makes her happy, who kept their feelings to themselves and didn't dare tell us that they fancied or loved us for ages! And these were good men. I recall thinking, many years ago, how incredible it was that they were able to live with these repressed feelings for so long without divulging them.

So no; men do not always go for what they want.

And so, I've decided that, if I don't hear from the garage about the car before Wednesday I will go there in person and get things moving. I'm going to wear my new red dress - weather permitting - and I'm going to be brave in love!

Incidentally, I suspect that the Jag is posing problems as I recall now that one of the doors doesn't open properly. Finding parts for a 1992 Jag is bloody hard.

My friend told me that she used all her wiles to get her partner to cave in. She too was going through a divorce and he was over cautious. She told me that she had to wait months before something happened. I've only been waiting since mid March and it feels like a blooming eternity, especially as I don't see him very much.

Right, how are Prof and Muddle and appivita, etc?

Cross posted, dear Muddle! How are you? 37 and one day old now.

Good memory concerning the festival. I'm not sure if I'll go or not. My daughter has just had some brilliant results for her uni exams and she wants us to do something together. Plus a friend of mine has had some bad news so I'm taking her out. And there's other lovely stuff going on.

The weather is not so lovely....

I completely agree ThisIs although some men do just go for it, I think there are many that don't and lack the confidence and actually find the expectation that they will really hard. Same with women I suppose, some are happy to and wouldn't think twice...and others are like us!

I think that sounds like a good plan giving it until Wednesday, tell us more about the red dress, will he be able to concentrate on the Jag?

Would your daughter like the festival?

My daughter is studying physics but is obsessed with theatre and is heavily involved with all manner of performing arts, so yes, she would enjoy the festival.

The Jag is also red so I'll be dressed to match it. Nothing to do with knowing that red is the colour of passion and seduction. Ha!!!

How are you Muddle?

Thank you This, I do appreciate your support, and yes we are all here for each other. Well, I've finished my yesterdays posting saying I'm facing this dilemma - and I'm thinking about it today of course. The event is coming up in a few days so I must decide what's best. I was hoping maybe you come up with more thoughts/an instinct as to which optionto take.
Hi Muddle, if I have any news, I promise to let you know. I had quite a priductive day with various house tasks and had a nice pedicure gearing up for summer clothes - it's going to warm up this weekend! By the way I forgot to answer your question regarding distance. I explained to This and Prof earlier that no, I can't be happy in limbo for 3-4months - and that's when I may see him next unless something jappens. I want to find a patrner, so apart from wasting time hoping, I can't really focus on new people when this is unresolved. I know, I know that it's an unlikely situation, but I'd rather know it's a definite 'no' the hang on, it's hard to stop hoping especially after that moment we had on last brief meeting. So I want yto hear a no or find out that he's getting married, otherwise I want to try more if there is some encouragement. But it's not hreat having to wait around for him next time - if I decide not to do it and preserve dignity (in case he's not welcoming), I then have to just resolve to forget it and move on, not hang on. I normally saw him once in 4-6 weeks in some way, sometimes no contant, so to me 3-4 months is just not feasible (for my mental health especially).

Apivita - thank you for the link! I had a good read I suppose it depends on the specific people involved!

This - No such luck, I had the perfect opportunity too! It was early and all the rooms were locked so I went to his side of the building as he could let me in, and the building was empty! Walked in and there was two other teachers in, boo hoo! It would've been perfect.
He was smiley and wonderful as always

I have genuine reason for him to do something for me next week so I'll try time it well if possible

Still haven't seen the mutual friend to enquire as to whether he is flirty usually etc!

Just catching up on everyone else's posts now

Ooh yes to the red dress! You see again, the fact you own a red Jag makes him see you as a super confident woman, so he thinks you may prefer to take charge and he is waiting for it.

I don't mean to take charge always, but to kick start things, even if it means flirting so much that he can't stop making a move. But to me, easier to just offer him a drink as the strong open flirting is kind of a too direct an invitation to go to bed iykwim.

That sounds perfect.

I am fine thanks ThisIs, had a nice day yesterday and have had another nice day today with kids as I had the day off. Have a friend coming tonight to stay for the weekend. Have had some messages from a man I know through work, just chatty stuff but now he would like to go for a coffee and a chat which I think might be a date, not sure what I think about that really. I do like him but don't really think of him in that way. I don't ever think of anyone in that way though (apart from that one person, which is why it freaked me out when it happened.)

This, that sounds like an excellent plan! Good for you!!

I love a good red dress, he's not going to know what's hit him
Definitely go for it, are you thinking of asking him out then or just some flirting?
I can picture you strutting in, if he's a bit shy usually just imagine him when you approach in your best dress
Ooh it's exciting!!

PG, I definitely get why you need to get this out of the way (or at least try) to move onto meeting someone new.
I feel awful because I really can't think of a strategy for you, if he's with a group it'll be hard to approach him but if he's alone a simple "hi so and so, how're you?" then hopefully a conversation will follow!
3-4 months would be an awfully long wait