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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

995 replies

garlicbreathing · 25/04/2016 16:35

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

OP posts:
harverina · 25/04/2016 18:57

I think people saying he is cruel and controlling are getting ahead of themselves a bit. Not taking sides but it could be that the op's dh is fed up with her moods every month or is possibly finding ttc as upsetting and difficult as the OP. Given how the op describes him usually, something is either upsetting him or pissing him off.

Possibly not but we don't know his reasons so should probably wait and find out.

That said He did say he would be home at 6ish then I would be angry and upset that he isn't home yet, despite knowing that you are waiting to have a serious discussion. I would also be tempted to go out, even for a coffee.

starjumper · 25/04/2016 18:58

One thing I wonder though (having been through similar) is that if this is what he's like now then it doesn't bode well with a colicky 6week old and you're begging for help...

He sounds like a selfish Sod tbh.

starjumper · 25/04/2016 18:58

One thing I wonder though (having been through similar) is that if this is what he's like now then it doesn't bode well with a colicky 6week old and you're begging for help...

He sounds like a selfish Sod tbh.

livvylongpants · 25/04/2016 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJorahMormont · 25/04/2016 18:59

Oh poor OP, you're in a right mess. Try not to second guess him and if possible keep your cool and don't just unleash as soon as he gets home.

You may find he wants to back off from TTC for a while if it's making you both miserable and although it might seem cruel to keep you dangling, he may just not have wanted to start an in-depth emotional conversation by text.

SecretSquirrelsSecretFriend · 25/04/2016 19:03

You OK? How long will you leave it?

AlwaysBeYourself · 25/04/2016 19:03

Has he ever behaved like this with you before OP?

bishboschone · 25/04/2016 19:04

Blimey , I hope all is ok ..

Sgoinneal · 25/04/2016 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FantasticButtocks · 25/04/2016 19:06

He'll be home soon, try not to let the panic escalate while you wait. Maybe try a bit of seven/eleven breathing - in for a count of seven and slowly out for a count of eleven. See how slow you can get it.

If he's normally a warm and loving person and husband, but has been cold and distant for a week, then something's bothering him clearly and you will probably both be able to talk about any difficulties and make a good plan that works for you both, if things need to change.

Hope it's not what you fear Thanks

Crabbitface · 25/04/2016 19:08

I really hope that it turns out ok for you. It could be that he actually just doesn't know whether or not he wants the marriage to continue so he doesn't want to commit either. I only skim read other posts because I have a toddler clambering over me so apologies if I am repeating what others have said. He could be going to say - I want to stay together but only if we stop trying to conceive.

Good luck OP. I know the feelings you are experiencing well. I was once in a relationship with a guy who would occasionally send me "we need to talk" messages...not fun.

Goingtobeawesome · 25/04/2016 19:08

Remember you are equal to him. He isn't in charge of you.

DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts · 25/04/2016 19:13

I feel for you OP. That sick nervous feeling in your stomach which makes it difficult to concentrate on anything else. Hopefully this is something easily sorted.

GabiSolis · 25/04/2016 19:15

OP fwiw, I think you have done the right thing in packing the bag. I think it's allowed you to take back a little bit of control while you're waiting for DH.

Hoping for a happy outcome here for you, but I do think he has behaved badly just by letting you hang after those texts.

Unicow · 25/04/2016 19:15

Hope all is ok and you can sort it out. Make sure you listen first before you react.

Unicow · 25/04/2016 19:15

Hope all is ok and you can sort it out. Make sure you listen first before you react.

CestLaVie93 · 25/04/2016 19:15

Flowers he is being really cruel. Stay strong & I hope he is home by now Sad

Haudyerwheesht · 25/04/2016 19:17

Unless we're missing part of the story he's acting like a total dick leaving you hanging like this.

thewookieswife · 25/04/2016 19:21

Could he be having a meltdown over things too ?! ( trying to be positive for you )
But I can't fathom why he won't reassure you - that does seem cruel...

thisisnotausername · 25/04/2016 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DraenorQueen · 25/04/2016 19:24

Feeling quite cross on your behalf OP. Even if he had to meet his mate, he could have made it a quick meeting seeing as he knows you're waiting at home...

It's just an assumption because it happened to me but his mate isn't one of those who will try to keep him out for "just one more" x10 is he?
I had a coward of a boyfriend who would stay out and get horribly drunk with his mate rather than come home and have a difficult conversation.
Fingers massively crossed that he's home soon.

BlueFolly · 25/04/2016 19:24

Yep. V controlling. Of this is representative of what he's like when things get stressful, you don't want kids with him,.

AlwaysNC · 25/04/2016 19:24

I hope that it isn't a splitting up conversation, but it would have been far kinder to say that in the text, if nothing else.

Roastbeefandyorkshires · 25/04/2016 19:25

Hope all is OKFlowers

getyourfingeroutyournose · 25/04/2016 19:25

I hope everything is okay OP. He really shouldn't leave you hanging like that but I would assume he is avoiding confrontation. Flowers

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