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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

995 replies

garlicbreathing · 25/04/2016 16:35

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/04/2016 18:22

It's not being callous, it's how I would feel and how I would react. Sometimes in life it can be useful to know how other people may percieve an action.

Granted that may well be based on spending far to long with someone who often did stuff like that and ramped it up a fair bit everytime I had personal arangements but that experance did teach me a valuble life lesson and that was not to hang around with an emotional vampire because it destroys both of you.

EarthboundMisfit · 25/04/2016 18:22

I have been where you are now, so I'm not judging you...it's worrying how much of your identity and mental health are tied up in this relationship. It's dangerous for you and an enormous amount of pressure for him. It isn't healthy. I would recommend seeking counselling.

deVelvet · 25/04/2016 18:26

Be calm and listen to what he has to say.

Hope it all goes well for you and it is something you can both laugh about later

Flowers
EddieStobbart · 25/04/2016 18:29

Garlic, if this thread is helping you feel calmer then stick with it. Otherwise, it might be helpful to do something to try and distract you as much as possible before he gets back. Would that be possible?

NapQueen · 25/04/2016 18:30

Im wondering if he has been having doubts about ttc and on hearing af had arrived his first emotion was relief.

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 25/04/2016 18:33

Wow, he is being a proper, proper cunt! If he isn't going to break up with you he should have said that, and either way he should NOT be delaying your talk while you agonise at home just so he can talk to his mate about the stag do - what the actual fuck? I'd be thinking he was with "a friend" tbh. Horrible git. Hugs to you OP.

MorrisZapp · 25/04/2016 18:33

Totally agree with wannabe. OP said herself that she deals with stress by withdrawing and going quiet.

Both sides need to open up and really air their feelings. Silence from either party is making this stressful period worse.

MorrisZapp · 25/04/2016 18:34

And Gray, I didn't think you were the only hysterical poster. There are quite a few imo.

AnotherCiderPlease · 25/04/2016 18:36

I hope all is ok OP.

MammaTJ · 25/04/2016 18:40

Hope the chat goes the way you want.

Kelandry · 25/04/2016 18:41

I was just going to say the same as nap

AcrossthePond55 · 25/04/2016 18:43

Hoping for the best for you garlic. But come what may, know that you are strong enough to deal with it.

Bungleboggs · 25/04/2016 18:44

Hoping it goes well for you Flowers

garlicbreathing · 25/04/2016 18:45

He's still not home. I've not heard from him.

OP posts:
GingerIvy · 25/04/2016 18:47

So sorry. He's not really making much of an effort, is he?

Funko · 25/04/2016 18:48

You poor thing. If it starts getting too late then leave the house, go to your parents and let him stew. Don't sit there just waiting for him to grace you with his Royal presence!! It's beyond cruel making you wait.

TendonQueen · 25/04/2016 18:48

Only someone incredibly thick would be unaware that they're causing their wife a lot of distress by delaying like this.

fastdaytears · 25/04/2016 18:48

He's being really cruel.

SoleBizzz · 25/04/2016 18:51

I thought you said he was meeting hus friend at 6. 30pm ish?

FelicityR313 · 25/04/2016 18:51

That is incredibly cold and mean.

AlwaysBeYourself · 25/04/2016 18:52

OP he seems like he is avoiding you. Sad

fitzbilly · 25/04/2016 18:52

I hope everything is OK op

LuluJakey1 · 25/04/2016 18:53

I think his text was mean if he isn't leaving. iF he is he should be comi g home to talk to you, not meeting someone about a stag do. He sounds a bit controlling.

starjumper · 25/04/2016 18:56

Hope you're ok Thanks

Tracey92 · 25/04/2016 18:57

If he still isn't home I would be on the phone to him. I would just panic and assume the worst because I am a worrier anyway!
Hope all is well though xx

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