I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

[garlicbreathing]

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

I think it's important for you as well to be confident that if he does decide to try again that you know that he has reached the decision entirely off his own back - given what he has already said to you.

And I would add Happy to talk as soon as you're ready

Great text there fantastic, I shall be stealing that for tomorrow. I think it sums it up perfectly.

I'll judge tomorrow after some sleep. Hopefully my family sleep on what I have said to them too and understand why I am wanting them to respect my decisions.

Your parents told you that you were too full on and steamed ahead so it was your fault, then ignored you, and full on steamed ahead into your business?! Well, IF if were true, I wonder where you could possibly have got it from?

Oh what a nightmare this has turned into! I know they thought they were acting in your best interest but that really was out of order.

Retracting the earlier suggestion of booking a massage for you and DM, book two massages for yourself instead haha.

In all seriousness, try and get some decent sleep, I hope it provides some clarity.

Garlickshake the script has been referred to throughout the thread but it also refers to their being another woman.

"There"

Garlic, could you afford a room in a shared house?

I think you should definitely tell him you're moving back to the flat because of your family's interference against your wishes.

He's the one that wants to check out of the marriage so he should be the one finding somewhere else to stay.

Good luck OP

I think you should definitely tell him you're moving back to the flat because of your family's interference against your wishes.

Which OP has every right to do.

He's the one that wants to check out of the marriage so he should be the one finding somewhere else to stay.

He also has every right to stay where he is. OP can't make him move out if he doesn't want to.

Its a generation thing, some Mothers think women have to fix. & grovel

So in the end, does he think: OK you leave, & he then keeps the flat. because in all fairness, he is still at home with his headspace, (surprised he allowed you to take the dog, as it would be more fun with the dog to cuddle.)
You leave broken, & he is fine Jack.
Its too comfortable. Maybe he should move out to stay with his "friend", or may friend is there comforting him.

Just a thought garlic - "a few weeks" is disrespectfully vague. I think he needs to give you (or you him) a date / deadline when it's time to talk and resolve. He cannot ask you to wait indefinitely until he has made up his mind.

He also has every right to stay where he is. OP can't make him move out if he doesn't want to.

He also can't make her leave or stop her from going back.

He also can't make her leave or stop her from going back.

I never said he could. In fact if you read my post I said OP had every right to.

I can only ask can't I?

Okay, I'll send him that text, he won't answer until he's finished work at 3pm, he's not allowed him phone on him.

But, he never asked you to leave the flat, did he?

Lots of couples who need time to think/are separated/divorcing continue to live under the same roof as they don't have the financial luxury of keeping two households or families with guest bedrooms.

He may not think either of you need to move out just yet.

Just send it. I really hope he let's you go home

You left the flat, you're both entitled to live there but come on he didn't ask you to leave, you chose to.

Garlic, I agree that you should move back home. If your parents are incapable of supporting you in the way that you need, there is little point in being there. If h wants space, then yes, let him move out!

If he decided tomorrow that he wanted you back, think about whether you want him. He really is behaving very badly in dropping this on you, leaving you to stew about it with no contact that whole day before he told you and by not leaving the flat. He is very much having everything his own way.

I didn't need to leave and he doesn't need to leave. If I am around him, with him acting so cold and uncaring, my anxiety would be awful and I can guarantee that I would be utterly breaking at every opportunity. I also don't trust that I would be giving him the space to think. I still feel like I know nothing, and if he is there around me, I will be demanding those answers immediately, which again is not giving him the time he's asked for.

He has options to leave if he has told his family. If he hasn't and doesn't want to at this stage, then I don't know if he will leave. I hope he has told his family, my mum seems to think it is appropriate to phone his mum to see what she thinks of the whole situation. She also thinks that she will talk to him. Thus everyone 'forcing' a decision upon him. It's an awful situation, and I know previous posters have said that I can't control everyone else's actions, but please, I can't have my mum running to tell his mum if he hasn't told her yet!

Just remembered that I name changed. Not sure if I can post on same thread with two names - previous one began NN.

I'm actually having so much sympathy for him right now and for all I know he's having a great time without me and not giving things a single thought.
But if this is how he honestly feels, then he is trapped in an awful situation. Everyone makes mistakes, and if his was getting married when he didn't really want that, then everything has just escalated so much from that. He is putting me through hell, but it shouldn't mean that he needs to be hounded in all directions.

I can only ask can't I?

Yes you can ask but he also has every right to say no and you have to accept that.

Well, it is upto him to go if he is uncomfortable with you being there. As you say, his choice. But not your responsibility now to think about what he wants or how he feels. It might be better for you to be in your own home, away from interfearing relatives, even though it will initially be painful. Remember that it is your home too. Let him experience some inconvenience.

Garlic, it isn't true. He wasn't trapped. He made choices. Please dont take all the blame here - he's a grown man and you didn't force him to do anything.