I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

[garlicbreathing]

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

So many happy ending stories! Love you all for sharing such personal experiences. One day I'll have a positive story.

Well, myself and my mum are just about to leave to go back to the flat. Will be strange going back without it feeling like home. Planning a day to the beach with the dog, so will check in at some point x

Anything I should be looking out to get from the flat when I'm there?
I'm collecting my passport, birth certificate, any pictures I want to keep, should I take our marriage certificate? Will I need that?
I'll get the car documents. We have no bank statements in paper form so I can't get them.

And clothes to do me for a bit.

As I've said, I've left it with it being husband's decision. This is a few weeks break. But I'm realistic there's no way back from this and I don't want to leave myself vulnerable.

Don't forget the bits and pieces for your dog - food, bed etc.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you're right to be practical for the moment and you seem to be approaching it very sensibly. Others have said not to chase him and I agree but it's only natural that you'll have a moment of weakness and want to text him to tell him you love him/miss him etc. If you do, try to distract yourself by texting a friend or posting on here instead.x

You definitely need the marriage certificate, in case you want to instigate divorce proceedings. Only the person with the certificate can do that, I believe.
Good luck today.
ps don't forget the dog's bed !

Thinking of you garlic, stay strong. I had a man waste two years of my life. I now have a beautiful dc and a much better partner. For the life of me I don't know why they're so spineless.

Get all your financial documents.

Enjoy the day at the beach with your dog and look forward to your gin later. You are doing ever so well. Remember we are all here for you any time, stay strong x

Hope it goes well collecting your stuff. Have a lovely day at the beach!

Have a lovely walk down the beach with your dog

Take time, you will heal.
DONT contact him. You need head space and I really don't see how you have anything you can rationally talk about.

As much as I agree with others that there is a whiff of other woman, at this stage it doesn't matter and it will do your head in trying to figure out this behaviour. The truth always finds a way out, keep your dignity and just look after YOU

Can you get online statements of accounts etc with today's date on? Just in case he's got any grand plans

Garlic I am so very sorry this has happened to you. I know how you feel and its one of the shittiest feelings in the world, affecting every part of you.

The thing that stands out a mile is how distanced your husband has made himself from you so quickly. He's blaming you for being married and as another poster said you must correct him every time he says it. Another poster said he is trying to rewrite history and that is for a reason; he plans to use this new history as his justification when he tells other people how you split up. He will want to keep them on side and you need to start asking why he wants to keep people on side.....He is blaming you for doing absolutely nothing wrong at all. I know you're upset just now but take a couple of steps back and just watch what plays out over the coming days and weeks. Nothing seems to make sense just now, does it? Things don't add up do they? You thought you were happy despite the TTC and the stress of it, after all many couples go through that and stay together. How would he be so unbelievable cruel to do this right at this point? We don't know your husband but lots have experienced this situation and there's one thing well known amongst women which is men just don't up and leave their wives for some new found emotional depth. There IS a reason. You just haven't discovered it yet.

It's bloody shit what's happened but you are in a safe place and have the love and support of your family. Lean on your friends, love yourself more than you normally would and please do not make things easy for him, even if he tries to contact you. This is your life and it's only you that matters now.

OP, I am so sorry

To others, is there somewhere "the script" is posted for info, or is it just something you get used to reading on these pages, and so recognise?

I don't think there is 'the script' HidingUnderARock. I thought posters generally posted from personal experience. Sharing that experience for the benefit of others, in any situation, is what Mumsnet is about, isn't it?

Hey OP, I am so sorry this is happening to you. From one dog owner to another- this may sound cold but I would also take the dog's insurance and any paperwork, and perhaps get in touch with the microchipping company and make sure that and the vet have your details alone, just in case he tries to argue he should keep the dog further down the line. and very un-mumsnetty hugs to you.

I am another one who was in your shoes- it gets so much better, I promise you! Xx

Sparkle Hiding yes there is a Script. Infamous it is. Put a search in Mumsnet for The Script and you will find it. Or do a Google search

Sparkle Hiding yes there is a Script. Infamous it is. Put a search in Mumsnet for The Script and you will find it. Or do a Google search

Sweetie I am sorry to hear it was as your feared.
I've not been in shoes so I don't have any advice but I hope you are happy with some body in time.
It's good to hear you have a supportive mum.
Be kind to yourself

Abecedario that was beautifully written

Sadly there is really a script. Referenced to here among others:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1634754-Men-affairs-what-is-the-script

Oh crap, the Prince Charles Excuse (brutally forced by his father to marry a 19 year old he didn't love, as he told Dimbleby. Aged 31. Which made him the victim, apparently, not Diana the 19 year old).

There are a lot of things your husband could have said yesterday to explain his decision to leave. Things that involved him taking responsibility for his own feelings and decisions, acknowledging the shock and hurt he was causing you, and apologising for it. He should have been kind and gentle.

I am so very sorry that he wasn't.

I don't have anything really to add to the wonderful responses you have already received, just wanted to add my support, I'm so sorry you are going through this - but you can and will come out the other side.

I'm sure you will have roller coasters of emotions, just take it one day at a time.

Wow, I've read the script now and unfortunately concur it went that way with EXH.

I hope you are ok Garlic.

I have no access to his online accounts, and him with mine. He earns only slightly more, we have little savings, but they are in each name not joint.
Being back at the flat was so hard and having my mum there wasn't great. She thought I was silly for taking so much, she doesn't see this as long term which shows you how out of character it was.

Garlic If you're going back again, make sure to grab any of your personal electronics that have you automatically signing into anything - laptops, tablets etc as well as making sure you've removed any logins from shared electronics, primarily for your own data security but also because my lovely ex saw fit to sell two of my laptops and guitars 'because NotQuite didn't take them with me therefore NotQuite mustn't have wanted them' - rather than that I was having to do 60 mile round trips on public transport each time I went back to the house.

Go have a lovely day with your dog, he doesn't deserve the dog, you're the one needing pooch cuddles and he absolutely deserves to come back to an empty, lifeless flat.

Garlic, so glad you have your Mum to support you. Do prepare yourself for any nasty surprises that may appear, especially as his excuses don't seem to add up. Sorry.