I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

[garlicbreathing]

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

I'm so sorry, OP. Rest easy tonight.

I'm unable to sleep. I feel so unwell. I can't believe this is happening still. The conversation keeps running through my mind. He said he was so unhappy and had been for a long time. He felt like he was forced into everything, wedding, ttc, and that he wasn't ready. He said he didn't have a say in anything.
He's kept all this hidden. This is the first he has spoken about how unhappy he is. I told him that I didn't know how he felt but he should have spoken up before now. He's left it all until now and it just makes no sense.

I don't know a way back from this. We've agreed to a few weeks break to see how we feel after it. But he's said he regrets marrying me and after all the ttc hell we've been through, when he didn't want that either, I don't know how we could move past this.

You dont need ro figure this out.
And tonight just try to lie back and relax.
Tomorrow is maybe a better time to try to understand

I know how painful this must be at the moment but you will get through this. You've had an awful shock. Try to sleep, things might seem clearer tomorrow.

Sending support.
I just can't work out why some men, OHs, can't communicate their feelings, earlier along, before it gets to this stage.
Please give yourself time, and hope you and OH don't rush into any decisions.
My best wishes for you

Oh sweetheart, it's awful isnt it? I don't believe for one moment though that he felt forced into marrying you. That's nonsense. Thinking of you Garlic x

There was issues at the time of the wedding with one of his family members. I never got the full story, they went NC after the wedding. I can't help but think there is a reason for it that I never heard.
He is a grown adult man. There was plenty opportunity for him to talk to me, and he's chosen not to. But he's not accepting any blame for that.

Oh gosh, how painful to hear that. But he's an autonomous person in his own right, and (unless there's something we don't know) he has always had the chance to say no, stop. It's very unfair of him to deflect his unhappiness back onto you like that, knowing how devastated you'd be.

Sending hugs. I hope you get some sleep.

I've got the start of a migraine coming.
I'm exhausted, and weak (I've not eaten anything, but couldn't stomach it). I'm hurting so much right now.

He is a man child.

Take two paracetamol.

Im building up to getting out of bed.

I agree. No need to decide anything now - although I understand that your brain will be working overtime

Feeling forced to marry you? I assume he proposed or, if you did, there was an actual moment where marriage was discussed and agreed? Same with the TTC? This is victim blaming par excellence.

I feel for you. Use this time to work out what you want to do and whether you want to remain married to him

He proposed.
I planned the wedding. He didn't seem that interested in any of it. We spoke about it and he said he was happy with my choices. He never raised any issues with it.

We waited before ttc. We decided on until after a holiday and we started after that. He wanted children, he told me he wanted a baby.

I don't know how I could still stay married to him. Even if he turns around and says he's made a mistake, everything he's said has been said.
If he regrets getting married then where do we go from here? We're married. He doesn't want to be. I can't see how it'll work out.

I think he's trying to rewrite history here Garlic. Whatever you do, don't fall for it.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. On a very practical note, can you get up and get some painkillers? If you can, is a cup of sweet tea possible? And a big glass of water. Your migraine is caused by stress and low blood sugar, and it will make the pain in your heart feel worse if you don't fix it.
I can't begin to know what you are feeling but remember that this is not your doing. Like you said he is a grown adult, and could have spoken to you many times. You have done nothing wrong. and a for you.

My cousin married a man who, as it turns out, apparently never wanted to marry her. Their breakup was so terribly painful for her. I think that's one of the most unbelievable acts of cowardice there is, to marry someone because you are too big a coward to stop it.

garlic, you don't have to decide anything now. Not even tomorrow. You can take all the time you need to digest this and decide what you want to do. So don't rush, don't try to figure it out or make any decisions now. You don't even have to talk to him until you're good and ready.

I hope you can head off your migraine. And tomorrow, try to get something in your stomach. Anything that sounds remotely good.

Paracetamol. Water. Game of thrones at 4am in the morning.

Having a wonderful pity party. Fuck him. He's an utter twat.

My friends hubby said the same to her just after he told her he was leaving her for someone else. Been together since they were 16 and apparently he had wanted to break up with her since they were 17 and she forced him to get married, buy two houses and conceive two children. Been together 15years at that point.

They are still together and it was all part of the justification in his mind to allow his cheating.

Don't know if your dh is the same, but it is all bs if he is going to convince you that he never wanted any of it.

I can't believe this is an argument, a justification even, so many men have. It's ridiculous.

Sorry you're having to go through this, I hope you've managed some sleep now bless you

Still awake. The headaches gone but I'm so raw.