I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

[garlicbreathing]

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure your mum will be a source of comfort and caring for you. Talk to her, it will help.

I know this sounds trite right now, but you're better off knowing this and at least he had the consideration to tell you he wasn't happy instead of letting you continue to live a false life. Reality can bite, but it's something you can build on.

Has he said he wants 'out' or just that he's unhappy? Did he suggest counseling?

Hope you are okay.

Sorry to read this op hope you are ok

Poor you Garlic. Just take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I think when he told you that for him sex is just not fun anymore, that was a sign that he was unhappy. I think the best thing is for some time apart. Will do you both good to see how you both feel and to miss each other.
But the worse case scenario is that he has been planning this for awhile and there is someone else waiting in the wings.
No matter what you will come through this eventually and be stronger. You wont believe it now but you will. Honest.

Oh no I just came on to see if you had updated this, really sorry to see its not good

He's behaving pretty shabbily, by the sounds of things. There have been many similar accounts on here over the years, so lots of lovely posters who will be able to hold your hand through it. He's already started on "the script." Be prepared for some drip-feeding.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry garlic how cruel to drag this out for you.

garlic I just want to offer you some solidarity. My 'D'H announced the same to me last November after 11 years, 4 of which married, 3 of which dealing with infertility, a miscarriage an failed IVF.
He told me he didn't love me anymore a) the night before we were due to go on holiday and b) the second anniversary of my miscarriage.
Off he swanned, tra la la, to find out 'what makes him happy' and left me to deal with the fallout of a bombshell announcement that I wasn't at all prepared for. I can see now that the sadness of infertility blinded me somewhat to how our relationship had been ailing, but the fact he wasn't even prepared to TRY to fix it I will never forgive him for.

That said! nearly 6 months on I am so, so, so much happier without him. The scales have well and truly fallen from my eyes. The same will be true for you. A man who can treat his wife in such a cold and unfeeling way is no man you want to be with.

Incidentally, my soon to be ex is currently living with his mum. Totally living the amazing bachelor life he dreamed of

If he is saying this then tomorrow take the day off work, go home and start sorting out documents such as birth certificates, financials etc, and digging incase there is another woman, as this would help if you were heading for divorce.

Your head must be in bits right now but find your anger to create calm and make preparations, so sorry x

So sorry.

Just goes to show how our instincts work.

Glad you have support from your Mum, and here too. Hugs.

I thought I was doing okay. But I'm not.
I don't know what to do.

Those words are never good. However depending on what else he said (you haven't disclosed so we're assuming) then it might not be the end of the world as you know it. If it's relevant to the IVF and that's what's had an impact then you may be able to recover, with enough clear communication and/or counselling. If he's met someone else then it'll be harder, but again it's not the end of the world depending on what you want. Only YOU can make that call; only YOU know him and a bunch of strangers on the Internet don't have the benefit of knowing the dynamics.

Do what is right for YOU. And be kind to yourself.

Sometimes, being still is the only thing you can do. Right now, you can do nothing constructive or sensible because you're reeling from shock. Sleep, if you are able, and face it tomorrow. But be aware that other people's opinions are just that: other people's opinions. Do what is right for you. By all means listen to other people but they are not in your shoes. Unless he's given you a solid "I've cheated" then all is not lost; there are myriad reasons for someone being unhappy.

What did the rest of the conversation consist of? Did he say why he's been unhappy?

So sorry garlic

Garlic how horrid for you. He has behaved in an appalling manner.

I don't understand his logic of ttc and being unhappy for a long time...goodness me what a twat!

Look after yourself and keep posting, we are all here on your side. X

FelicityR313 Applause!

Garlic, my love, you don't have to "do" anything. Treat yourself like someone convalescing from a big illness. Be lovely to yourself.

Fwiw, he's treated you extremely badly with all the coldness and disinterest. Feel very free to get angry, if you want.

Take care.

Loveen you're in complete and utter shock. I would be astounded if you knew what to do right now! You need to be essentially 'treated' for shock by your Mum. That means, tea, crying, wine if you drink it, fuck it, gin even. Food, rest and a LOT of TLC. The prick who should be minding you and loving you is the prick who has caused all this pain. That is one piece of trauma to deal with right there. We're all here tonight. And tomorrow. I think the most heart-breaking thing ever is when the prick you love is the one who hurts you. All of my thoughts are with you.

What did he say? Can you break it down into bite sized chunks to think about?

'I think the most heart-breaking thing ever is when the prick you love is the one who hurts you'

^^^ THIS ^^^^ is beyond true. When the first person you'd instinctively turn to for love, support & comfort is the very fucker that has dealt that lot to you is a brutality that defies words in terms of describing just HOW fucking horrendous it is. Been there and got the t-shirt.

I beseech you not to text him, chase him, anything like that; it will only make you feel worse than you do now (& yes, I know you don't believe you could feel worse than you do right now but trust me, you can so above all else hang on to your self-worth and self-respect here).

And I'm afraid I'm another who suspects there will be further revelations, likely via tortuous drip-feeding, and almost certainly the script is already working from is suggestive of an OW. I'm sorry. Please remember you deserve better, and that if there IS an OW, then that is NOT some 'consequence' of your emotions when you were jointly TTC, but with you bearing the biggest physical brunt of that.

Above all else though, I promise you that there IS life after this, and better life at that; you won't feel that right now but I - and others before me - are promising it is the truth.

{{{{hugs}}}

So sorry to hear this is what has happened, I was convinced it was going to be something of nothing. I hope things work out OP, you will find happiness with or without him

So sorry, was really hoping your instinct was wrong. Just look after yourself.

I'm so sorry garlic

What he's saying doesn't make sense. He's not been happy for a 'long time' - but you've only been married two years and TTC for 16 months? Wtf does he call a 'long time'?

This man is not your friend (for whatever reason) and clearly cannot be trusted with your feelings. Lean on the people you can trust & let your mum look after you.

You will be ok, op - so many of us have been there, and every single one of them will look back in hindsight and see it was the beginning of better things to come.

Un-mumsnetty hugs to you x