Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

314 please keep drunk texting the thread - I so needed that laugh, thank you! And yes good job on binning the 29yo, I have yet to meet one with his shit together.

Than you everyone for the amazing support with the Karmic tornado - y'all are awesome! I feel even more lucky that I am spending a couple days with my mom who keeps banging on about how I expect too much from men and should just cut Karmic some slack.. Yeah. Sure.

Freaky there is a fine line between maintenance mode and "can't be bothered territory" - perhaps it is time to remind Bacon of that by being more snappy and less breezy? I do not know though if I am in the best position to give sensible advice!

314 good point - they say men do not think straight before the sex and for women it is the contrary. Add that to Karmic's tendency to idolize stuff, and boom, you get the epiphany. Still, his timing his utterly shit. I feel used. And violated after he got me to open up. Handy hell yeah you can count on me to make him beg for mommy when I get to unleash that anger and resentment on him.I am ready to tattoo "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" on his forehead!

Sassy cheers for the hugs!
yes you are right, I can't be wondering WTF has gone wrong and need to focus on what I want. For the moment the only thing I am sure of is that I want to get back at him, tell him how much he has hurt me (partly because I know it will make him feel horrible) and that is it. Might have some anger management issues hehe. I was not too certain about how compatible we were before the whole shit show so I would say this may very well be the end. I also do not forgive easily so if he ever wants to come back in my good graces, it is sure as hell not going to be a walk in the park.

I think I will reply tonight or maybe tomorrow with a simple "yeah that (meeting up) does sound very complicated" and maybe something about still being on holidays away. I am not good with details either but seriously this info was literally in the text right above the last one!!

Dammit.

Hahaha. Dropping your knockers 😂😂😉

That's a shame. Men are such idiots. They really really are!!

Also, indulging my angry Scot side... Nicola Sturgeon is our freaking awesome First Minister.

freaky and 314 every message I get from OKC is from "men" in their early 20's! I'm 44 fgs!

I do occasionally get the other end of the scale with men who look a lot older than stated (late 40's) where's the middle ground! Gah...

It's a bit academic anyway Jolly as he's not actually read my message of last night! Am a bit tempted to send another one along the lines of "Can you please tell me what's going on?"

I do think he'll respond at some point though, I just need to wait. I guess it is perfectly possible that he did decide to go back to Craggy Island (where apparently the reception is shite) so may still be a valid excuse.

I think that sounds like a good response to Karmic. It's hard isn't it? On the one hand, you don't want to sabotage anything but on the other hand, you need to call them on the shitty behaviour. Motherfuckers.

Ladies (and gents) I'm just going to say it and be flamed. Not one of these men you are angsting over is giving any of you this much headspace and emotional space. Not at all.

Please try and find a way to get them out your heads.

For me, I've told you what works. I delete the message threads. I delete their numbers. I erase them off my phone. Then when they eventually resurface yes I'm a bitch I delete their messages. Unless they pick up the phone and call me (never happened) or message a second time (happens every time because they always bloody reappear) I don't respond.

Keep posting here and letting the tread handhold but none of these men are worth this. I'm angry on your behalf! Kick em out your heads and they only get back with a LOT of effort.

Hear, hear, TooSassy. You gorgeous, accomplished, lovely women deserve so much more.

Yes the not sabotage v call them on their shitty behaviour dilemma....

I hope you decide what is best for you & do that Freaky ...I'd say wait a while but think I've allowed too much bad behaviour too often in my life....

I have another one mailing me now, he's 31. I wound it down. I was polite because he was but seriously. STAY focused.

I know Sassy. Having spoken to and seen my brother this weekend, I do know that men do not obsess over women in the same way at all. He can have a few dates, decide it's not working out and move on with no angst. He's a good guy, and treats people well but maintains that emotional distance.
I just don't seem to be able to do that. And I am definitely holding on to there being a good excuse for Bacon's behaviour. All I can do is wait for him to respond. I am really not too bad today, getting on with stuff in a sensible way, but yeah, probably giving him more headspace than he deserves.

You're right Sassy! It ends up being like homework. Wading through messages from men half your age, twice your age, chancers, sex-obsessed perverts, players, users. Men who DWAR.

I can do the same as yr brother Freaky when I'm not bovvered - that's WHY I walk away...No angst though might feel a bit bad if they're upset...
Its so different when you care... Its the price of caring & its a high one to pay... But we keep believing that one day it will work out & both people will feel the same way...

I know, I literally can't remember the last time I liked a man, it was reciprocated and it was STILL reciprocated after sex!!!
God knows how I have any optimism at all left, but I do. That really is a triumph of the human spirit over all logic and experience to date.

Freaky has he disabled the internet on his phone, so that the messages aren't ''arriving''.

Did you and your friend ever figure it out!?

314 if he had disabled his internet the what's app message would be showing with only one grey tick. Same if he has no network reception and data. Two ticks means his phone has received it. So it's been delivered to his phone and he's not launched the app and opened the message.

Nah, this one has two grey ticks which means definitely delivered but unread. The messages last week were staying as 1 grey tick which is undelivered and best guess is either phone or data turn off. Who the fuck knows why?

What do I do next re Bacon? Just wait?

Not sure if this is helpful but I messaged a friend the other day (Friday), and it showed two grey ticks. Then the next day I sent another one and it showed just one. Then I sent another one yesterday and she said she'd just received all three messages at the same time. Whatsapp could be playing silly buggers, she didn't have any reason to lie.

I guess what else can you do freaky. Personally if it were me I'd be reinstating my tinder profile. He's not acting like he was two weeks ago. Something has changed in his mindset it would appear. I don't want to put a downer on things. However he's causing you angst and not making you feel special so I'd probably be thinking along the lines of, I deserve better here onwards and upwards.

I would just wait Freaky. If he's done something weird like disable data, or uninstall whatsapp with the intention of keeping you at a distance while he decides whether to pick you back up again or fade away, then that doesn't sell him highly tbh BUT who knows. I think you have to just wait and see if it becomes clear what the hell he is doing. Or wait til you don't give two fucks
I think he wants space the space to decide what to do next..........

As Amy would say No Response is a response.

HOWEVER.......................... he may come back. But he wants to come back on his own terms, regardless of the confusion he's caused. By then you may be too jaded with the coming and going.

Something has changed freaky.

You could take control. Send a normal text message to say "Bacon, gonna make this easy for you, I'm checking out of the weird uncertainty here, not sure why we unravelled, kind of sad, but hanging around aint my thing. So, I agreed to go out with a friend who's been asking me to go out with him, I thought what the hell. You were fun, it was fun. good luck!!!!"

Not saying you should but it's an OPTION. You'd have your dignity. Your fabulous life. And if he left it, you'd know where you stood but you'd still ahve the dignity of being the first to check out.

because let's face it. if a man you really wanted to see again sent you a tex to say he was checking out of the uncertainty, you'd go back with some information to give him less uncertainty. Or, if you'd decided to 'fade' you'd be relieved.

Yeah, I thought as much. I'm not going to start badgering him with messages. And I guess it could just be WhatsApp weirdness (though not holding out much hope of that)

And there are positives here...1) he hasn't blocked me 2) he was messaging last week. Not at the same level/tone but still messages 3) he's not been online today at all so could legitimately have a reason and is also not talking to anyone else.

BUT I am being realistic too. Something has changed in his mindset and I don't like it and it's not fair. So he's got some making up to do, to say the very, very least.

I'll give it until Sat and then reinstate my Tinder profile. I can't be arsed with it just now. If I match with someone that I get on with, it'll just throw me into a spin.

And if Bacon is a lying, cheating git then I haven't actually lost anything cos he's not the person he thought I was. And I can, and will, do so much better. Still hopeful of that too 314 despite all the evidence to the contrary!

Keep sitting on those hands, Freaky - the weekend is not over.

Text message angst - it's the absolute pits.

Yeah, I agree Handy. I'll give it until at least tomorrow, when I would fully expect him to be back in "normal" mode after the BH weekend and see what happens and re-evaluate then.