Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

314 calls one of her irons fat bald sex guy, it's no more of a flattering description, based on appearance? I don't see anything wrong in bants description of his date, it wasn't overly personal just based on factual physical appearance. He didn't even say fat/plump but was clearly trying to be tactful in saying rotund

Fine. She reminded me of Nicola Sturgeon, only slightly more cuddly. I admire Nicola Sturgeon. She's a very clever woman. I don't fancy her though.

Also, dates are meant to be judgmental. It's how you judge someone, surely.

I manahx to put the update on the wrong hread. I put it on the an i bonkers i joined pof yhread.

But we haf another three coctails. Wr got on brilliantly in the end. Really easy tochat to. He is 168 no eay 175cm but in yhe end i wouldnt care if he was vaguely my age id say sod it. We git on v well. Parted with a kiss. He was acgood kisser. But 16 years younger. No. So it is going nowhre. But fun bight out!!

Its fine not to fancy someone - chemistry between two people is a mystery - but how would yr new cinema buddy feel if she knew you described her that way? You imply not being tall & being Scottish are some of yr dealbreakers - which you could anyway have found out before meeting...

314 Are you p***?! :)

Well I presume she's not reading the thread, ocelot. How would many people feel about being described on here?

Her not being tall and being scottish are not dealbreakers. However, the fact she was both of those things, and much larger in real life than I'd thought, plus ginger (also not a dealbreaker) reminded me of Mrs Krankie. Great children's entertainer by the way. Lots of good work for charity. Doesn't float my boat.

No one complained when I said my the date from the other night was too tall. Should I just not give any physical description of dates on here?

If I recall you said it was weird that with heels she was the same height as you? That didn't read the same as this re characteristics she can't change.
I just think its unnecessary to be mean but you do what you wish.

Evening everyone!

Finally back within wifi range so I can now share on MN the Karmic shit tornado that has unfolded this weekend.

After date 6 happened last Tuesday (in which we agreed to be exclusive and had sex), he was a bit more silent than usual so I initiated two short conversations, one on Wednesday, one on Thursday. Just regular bantery/how's your day stuff. But it was clear on Thursday he was backing off a little so I let him be, thinking he would message sooner or later. He didn't. On Friday I added him to FB (part of my "opening up to him" effort after he told me I was too guarded) and he only accepted my request about 10h later. I did not get one single text between Thursday and tonight, after I sent a pic from the view of where I was staying over the weekend.

The text tonight is so wrong on so many levels, it just feels like he wants me to tell him "you know what, just fuck off":

1. nothing I have said in my last Thursday text has registered with him: I told him I would be back home on Tuesday and will start my new job on Monday 9th. Yet he asked if I were "back in town already" (nope, see above) and if I were "ready to start the new job tomorrow" (NOPE FUCKING SEE ABOVE).
2. he said he doesn't know if he can see me next week, "maybe he will be in town, maybe not, but in any case he is busy until Thursday". I did not mention meeting up so my guess is that it is a way to say I don't want to see you.
3. no smiley, no joke, no niceties, nothing at all. Not his style.

WTF is this all about?

So my guess is that Karmic the Moose Hunter has turned into Karmic the Coward who wants out but won't dump me. Right after having sex with me - Classy dude! I also believe all this epiphany is linked to the complete idolization of me he had going on before. Somehow he woke up, had a hard look at the reality and decided he was throwing the towel. or maybe I am just thinking too much about it. Anyways, it feels horrible.

I am so angry I do not want to give him the easy way out he wants so I think I am going to wait until tomorrow and play along with a breezy (I hear you Freaky we need another term!) message.

So yeah, quick poll I guess - WTF do you think this is about? And WWYD?

ocelot I wasn't being mean. If someone else on here said they went on a date with a guy who was nice, but short and overweight and bald and he reminded them of Captain Mainwaring from Dad's Army, and they didn't fancy him, then I don't think anyone would jump on them for saying that, or say they were mean and judgmental.

She didn't look like that in her photos. I liked the woman. I didn't go to see the film so we could drink more and talk together. She was interesting and nice. I just didn't find her attractive.

Jollyx thats so horrible for you :( so sorry he seems to be turning out this way...Still hping that he will sort himself out & sending you hugs &

Nothing to add to what I've already said Bant We don't agree. That some other instances have not been commented on is immaterial.

Jolly he sounds like a complete and utter dick am sorry he's treating you like this.

Evening all

Ugh, after two amazing nights sleep, can't sleep.

Please no fighting on the thread lovely peeps. .
To be fair, there have been numerous personal comments made on here about appearances, by a fair few posters, on and off since I've been on this thread. No one has been called on them, ever. Some of them have taken me back over their directness but I've also admired the honesty of them. We are all turned on/ off by certain appearances/ characteristics and those things will often prevent date 2 (especially if they look nothing like their photo).
This thread is about hand holding and openness, I do hope that doesn't stop?

ocelot I agree, we are all entitled to our opinion and fair play to you for voicing them.

bant you missed a good film.

314 lol at your loo update. Brilliant. Could he be FWB material??

jollyx nooooo. Not another one! What is happening on this thread! Firstly and .
Right.

1. Details-not all people are great with details. When you're back/ new job etc... He simply may be one of those people that doesn't remember the minutiae. On the flip side it might (I say this hesitantly) also point to the fact that you're one amongst a few that he is messaging and as such isn't able to remember those details.
2. Facebook, wouldn't read anything into that. I hardly go on FB and don't have the app on my phone (worst culprit to drain battery) so that's explained simply enough surely.
3. change in communication. I come back to this time and time again, it's the killer for me. Makes the person on the receiving end feel bat shit crazy. When the reality is we really rarely are.

What do I think it's about? I don't honestly know. He could just be someone who chases tail and once he gets it moves on. Or reality hasn't lived up to someone he has placed on a pedestal. (No one ever lives up to that sort of elevated view). Or he's changed his mind. Or he's in maintenance mode and figuring it out. Doesn't matter tbh.

Forget about him and what he may want/ not want. What do you want? Do you see a future / chance with someone who is doing this so soon after the exclusive convo?

What would I do? I'd not message him again. He's said he's busy until Thursday plus you start a new job. Let's see if he messages you a 'good luck' etc and then tries to make plans.
If by next weekend he's not upped his game and made zero mention of meeting up, remove him from FB (I'd actually do that now, I'm such a private person in that regard), and delete his details.
Or you could send him a text telling him you're really disappointed but IME people rarely pay attention to those.

I'm so sorry this has happened.

I think Bant's assessment of his cinema-buddy date was fine, we hear all sorts of comparisons of guys on here. We have been hearing about 314's fat sex guy iron for ages, nobody bats an eyelid - dating is about being judgemental isn't it? As long as it's respectful then it's ok surely?? For me Bant has been respectful and plain speaking and just described her that way but without being horrible - he said he liked her, they had great conversation etc. - it was not a character assassination or anything. Just different to what was expected. So far so banal for OLD.... And there are whole convos on here about people's height requirements! That's a thing I think? I guess the written word on here sometimes comes across like people's texts - easy to misinterpret?

JollyX the timing of Karmic's near-ghosting is just reprehensible. I reckon someone else may have caught his attention? The word that comes to mind is spineless. Maybe the low self esteem / puppy eyes thing is just plain old, y'know - wet? I think when you get your teeth into a convo with him he'll be asking for his mummy!

314 sounds like you had a good night - hic!!!!

Am very much hoping that Karmic and Bacon redeem themselves. Somehow. Perlease....

Can't sleep either, Sassy - drank wine on empty stomach (home alone too - how sad) - will absolutely feel rubbish in the morning....

I do hope people continue to voice stuff and support each other in the normal and very brilliant way, especially with all the douchebag ghosting-type behaviour going on!

Think I need ibuprofen. And not even been out!

Im home. Geez. How to assesd. He was alright i guess. He walked in, late, and we were a bit formalvfor the firstvtwo drinks. Thenvwe went for cocktails inbsome achingling cool bar he foumd. He was real dykwim.. i liked him. But 29?! Fgs. And he didnt think the 16 year age gap was an impediment. I guess it was flattering. Bear made me wonder if i was too old for him two years older. And here is a 29 yo, we clicked and sank 4 drinks merrily enough. He complimented me so much. But not in a creepyvway. He wasvconfident.

But 16 years. .m he wants to meet up again i think i should leave it before it gets conplicated. It might.

Oh no Jolly :-/
Why are men so bloody weird after sex?

Actually, i thought "fat sex questions" guy was handsome in his photos. He told me he was fat. I wouldnt have known. I may suggest meeting up to him. I feel like meeting somebody my own age. I feel brave now.

Bant. Cinema companion good. I dont miss H but he liked normal GOOD films like The big short and spotlight. A man who i cliccked better with liked crappy sci fi shit. Omg. Kind of wish H &I could just text if we wanted to go and see a NORMAL good film.

Im only 158cm". Im gorgeous. Who is nixola sturgeon. I will google

Nicola sturgeon not unattractivr

I can"t sleep. Too many cosmos.

Mind racing. I must try and find a date my own age.

314 you are epic!

314 is pissed:)

Nicola S is the leader of a Political party in Scotland!

God yeh love scottish people.

Oh, I liked The Spotlight &The Big short both excellent films.