Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

I was worried i had been damaged down there by natural births and i discussed it with two men i slept with. One dumped me about five days later. But the other one was nice about it. Didnt want a relationship with me but it wasnt linked that.
im on phone but my point ..... we all have our fears. I was terrified bringing that up. Still felt like it had to be brought up tho.

Tmi. Sorry.

Jolly is he justva friend. Id say the remark hurt cos it suddenly felt like the thing between you is more about stroking his ego and less about a joint chemistry/collaboration??

But maybe he just enjoys having that effect on you. I

Hi all

jollyp if someone said that to me in the type of relationship you've described I'd actually take it as a compliment and testament to the chemistry we had. I would take zero offence in someone acknowledging that I'm turned on by them, if it is indeed fact. How does it make you feel taken for granted?

reddish we all have baggage. However the reaction of anger would have me walking away. I've had enough people in my life unable to communicate without anger, I will never willingly invite another one into it. We all have hang ups the older we get. We've all had negative experiences. We should be able to voice that's it's a sensitive area for us without anger. She has every right to say she doesn't feel comfortable discussing it with you yet.
Question: has she indicated what needs to happen for her to feel comfortable enough to move this forward? Do you have anything tangible?

traffic what horizon thing? What was it about?

freaky work on the assumption that all is ok. Positive mental attitude. Try not to read too much into the messages. Keep posting here for support.

. Fox take the time to regroup, it's done me the world of good.

314 did you recover from your repeat of question to same iron?

chorltons hugs. Sorry to hear about your break up. This thread is balm for the soul, fabulous lot just supporting and helping each other through the ups and downs.

bant hope you're doing ok?

muddling yay on the date! Another one in the offing?

Yay gast nice to have you back on the thread.

ocelot do not contact M. Under any circumstances.

waving that's great news re MTG wanting to meet your kids. I wouldn't overthink it too much. You'll know when it feels right.

to rest of thread. Sorry I've missed lots of you but the thread is getting uber busy!

Jolly, sorry to hear you're stressed, I hope the pressure eases off soon. In the meantime I think you need to get some rest if you can and be kind to yourself. Easier said than done I know but you have to try.

Personally speaking, if I was involved with a man who was funny, lovely, sexy, attentive and paid me compliments I wouldn't be in the least bit offended by his comment but it depends how you feel about it. He' obviously really fancies you so why not see it as a compliment? Maybe he wanted you to tell him how you can't wait to see him so you can rip his clothes off again plus all of the other stuff that you want to do this him? Maybe he wanted to start sexting?

Whatever he wanted, I'm sure he got the vibe that you didn't like it so I very much doubt you'll have to say anything.

Thank you sassy, it's good to hear another perspective, because as I say I don't trust my judgement at the moment. I guess it made me feel like he was being a bit arrogant, "hey I'm so irresistible you can't get enough of me" at a time when I want him to boost my ego a bit because I'm feeling so worn out. But I can also see I'm being a bit contrary, because we've spoken a lot about how sexually compatible we are and how attracted we are to each other, so I guess he was just continuing in that vein. It just wasn't what I wanted to hear at that precise moment. That's the problem with texting, you can't get a feel for someone's mood very easily.

So news on my irons

mrfrench has the potential to turn into something casual and easy I think. We had a fab evening (bunch of us out) but ended up just the two of us for the last hour. He's so smart, easy company, funny and the fact that we have so much in common just makes hanging out easy. The kiss last night made me feel warm to the tips of my toes or that may have been the rum. This one shall build gradually I think with zero pressure or expectations.

Nothing from mrcolumnist. Let's see.

Cultivating of RL irons continues to be my only focus.

Ahhh jolly, yes, texting is the devils work. It's a bloody minefield. I think he meant it as a compliment. What is hotter for two people than having that level of chemistry? He meant well. But you wanted words of comfort and reassurance, not sexually loaded content. He wasn't to know.

Thanks Sassy! And indeed everyone, this thread is a marvellous source of non-judgemental, wise advice and I am grateful for it.

Jolly, it sounds like a comment that was made innocently enough but that just hit a nerve for you. There's no harm I saying that to him, but probably best to do it face to face...

Anyone heard from Handy today?

Handy must heading on over to Criminal Informant's house.........

Hope she's OK...

I'm really pissed off with myself, my mood (good or bad) is entirely dependent on whether my latest iron(s) is messaging me or not, if they're not I automatically assume they don't want to see me rather than maybe they're just busy, and I can get really down about it, then one message from them and I'm all smiles again. It's exhausting. How the hell do you just become happy with yourself? I'm just so lonely right now.

TooSassy luckily that iron who i'll call LIMD43 came back with some info about what he was doing and his name, so I will reply to that later. I feel tired now.

My friend is coming over on sat, for takeaway and peroni. We will talk ourselves out. Feeling a bit impecunious at the moment. Thurs could be a significant day for me. Career - wise

my new naming system is going to be as easy to interpret as the dewey decimal system. I'm going to take the first three letters of their screen name, followed by the first letter of their real name, followed by their age. So, fat sex guy is actually ECHT43

Is that too boring?

Hello
Just wanted to say Hi....I'm a super boring singleton with absolutely nothing to add (sorry, ohhhh apart from today I found Amy Young ) just wanted to say hello as I have been following your thread and thinking about dating again...

Hi everybody! Well my regrouping is going well, I think it was the best thing for me to do at the moment Sassy. I haven't been itching to swipe all day and I'm feeling relaxed. I'm not expecting any texts and I like it like this. Apple did text earlier today, we had a brief nice exchange but no mention of a third date. I am not concerned as I don't think I would be bothered if there were no more dates.

Freaky I echo what Anna says about stepping back and allowing a little time and distance, I know that feeling well too, when every text feels pleading even though its not. Also it's good to get a male perspective Reddish, I think it's easy to forget men just do not think like women. And JollyP is right about how he will be feeling if he felt his performance was not as good as he hoped. He will be thinking more let down with himself rather than anything to do with how much he likes you.

314 I love your analysis of the life stages - fucked up fairytale, emerging from the rubble I hope I'm at the phoenix stage. I also worried about my state 'down there' after three natural births, including large babies. Most men have not had an issue at all, even smaller sized men. I was worried they might not feel anything and would not be able to finish . However one arsehole ex who I'd confided in reassured me I was normal, then used the information in the most awful way during an argument near the end of our relationship. I never forgave him. I am fine physically and he was just trying to hurt me as much as possible.

I like your way of naming irons, it makes it less personal before you know them, they are just a code !

Anna the bench is very comfortable and I'm definitely enjoying a breather.

JollyP I can see why you would feel annoyed with his comment but I would try to take it in the spirit it was likely intended. I'm sure it was just a remark about the sexual energy between you and I think it's great that you've got that.

Gast it is difficult, I have been there lots of times, relying on texts and attention because it makes you feel good, it gives you a boost. I'm trying to get the boost in other areas of my life, running club, meeting friends, etc.

Sassy mrfrench sounds promising, zero pressure and expectations sounds just what is needed.

Evening all! I've been struggling to keep up today so need to go back and read. Quick question for everyone...how many years younger/older would everyone date?

Waving, I was wondering while I was doing nmtz earlier, have you put up any pics on fb of you and MTG!? not that you'd be doing it to show Soho, i was just curious.

I am 45 and go for 42-52 (ish) although saying that, I think my date with AXEA29 is back on. He's funny. He is only just back from Italy and he's thinking about going to Barcelona for on thurs evening, so, date, ''date'' is now on sunday. I said to him that I want to BE him as much as I want to go out with him. He laughed.

Right, now I am feeling a bit pissed off and I am not sure if I am right to be...
Total of 3 messages received from Back today about nothing, no flirting, no affection. The last one sent at 9.55pm saying he liked my new whatsapp pic. I replied a few minutes later and he's not read it so clearly not after a chat.
I think Reddish hit the nail on the head that he's gone into maintenance mode and I don't like it. I am feeling a bit manipulated really. It was all OTT Blarney charm until he had me hooked and now he knows I am interested but there's a while before we see each other he's expending minimum possible effort in keeping me hanging on...is that a fair way of looking at it? And I expecting too much? We have only had 3 dates after all.
I am really tempted to send a "is everything ok with you?" type message in case there is something else going on but will try and leave it at least another couple of days before I do.
I am trying to maintain a positive attitude and remain unbothered but I can't!

*Bacon, obvs