Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Can I join please? My LTR ended very suddenly at the weekend, still numb and can't get my head around the sudden loss. However, in the many thoughts I've had, I know that dating will be part of it so ......

Sure I'll feel a bit stronger in the next week so marking my place to read the full thread then.

Although fat sex questions guy has my whatsapp number now which I hope isn't a mistake. He hasn't asked me anything rude but he seems only to have answered the very strangest questions on okcupid. Weird.

charltons read the thread for laughs. be good to yourself. As Amy Young said, it's NEVER, now or never. There are always opportunities. So don't rush it. She also said, there is power in the wallow. Which means, don't make yourself sad reading over old texts and blaming yourself but be kind to yourself in your thoughts. And take it easy. Icecream was mentioned I thinnk

Thanks Sky < deletes all the texts that I was just torturing myself with>

Handy and Traffic, the problem is that DD doesn't want to go there. He has told her that it's her choice, and so she just says she won't go, and I refuse to be the bad guy and make her when he's told her explicitly and in front of me, that she can choose. And she comes back clingy and miserable after only a couple of hours, so making her stay overnight isn't really an option for me. To add to the difficulty, I live very rurally, so there's no chance of meeting someone local who can pop over after she goes to sleep. I think I just need to accept that now is not the right time for me to start dating. Could really use a FWB situation but there just isn't any chance.

handy it was how a first date should be in my head lol
Some nerves at first then time flies by quickly and its the awkwardness of saying goodbye and do you kiss or not lol (was a hug and a kiss on the cheek)

Charltons, I know I will need a new phone soon and I will lose all the whatsapp messages from, well, a whole raft of people. Makes me sad. They're like letters.

314 yes you've got homework to do!!! Run along now

Ah Charltons welcome 314 is right, take your time.

muddling I'm all smiles for you.

Evening all!

You lot are addictive you know!

Waving great news about your kids. I don’t know how old they are, but kids tend to be very resilient and mine have certainly surprised me by their acceptance of girlfriends and me spending time with them..

Chorltons I’m really sorry to hear about your LTR ending. It’s even worse when its sudden, as at least if it fades away over weeks or months it’s all gradual, but when it comes out of the blue its far, far worse. You may have seen I had a bit of a crisis at the weekend, but mines was far shorter, so I can only imagine what you’re going through. and . But you will get tons of support on here, and I’m feeling more reconciled already.

314 No kids people have a different attitude to life. I’m wary of them as my kids are the most important to me even though they’re relatively self sufficient. No kids people haven’t been through the issues and the fact that you’re the last defence from disaster so at times, you have to prioritise the kids over the new partner. And can you not backup your old phone to PC, so that you can read the messages later?

Ida, Do see a solicitor about contact for your daughter. If contact can be reduced because she’s suffering, you can then plan. Can anyone else take your DD for the night? Perhaps grandparents or auntie, for example. If it’s combined with a treat such as a regular trip to the cinema, she will get more used to it.

And Freaky, don’t be concerned about putting pressure on him. All you need to do is say the magic words “Everyone’s different and we need to get to know each other better. Lets practice some more.”

Right. Messaged back. From a place of abundance I hope.

Handy, fat sex guy is funny. I'm only calling him fat because he told me, full disclosure style that he was trying to lose weight. I said get on with it. I'll get out my gun and chase you. But we've moved on to whatsapp now and I don't feel like a volley of messages now. Maybe I'll message him tomorrow............ Not sure.

Ooh Yey that's exciting!!! Loving the banter!!

Damn, I've messed up. The intelligent one, I asked him the same question twice. doh!

I literally had too many irons. Unusual for me . The half dutch guy who's only about 5'4" wants to meet. I said ok, and now I'm regretting it. It won't lead anywhere.

Easily done that - iron juggling hey!!

Short Dutch guy - does he live near?? Is he shorter than you?

Really should go to sleep!!!!

Hello everybody! Trying to catch up here despite losing my last crumb of dating mojo...

Waving lovely news about MTG and plans to meet the kids, so happy for you!

Ocelot I completely agree with 314, this could be the push forward for you, I love what she said about uncertainty giving you hope. Now you have the knowledge and you can use that. Did 314 really call him an inverterbrate?!

Handy loving your positivity and realisation today, I really didn't think CI would turn out like this. Wankstain

Freaky it's awkward when the first time isn't as good as you'd hoped but with you clicking in other ways I'm sure it will improve. When I dtd with Crumpet, in itself it was fine but there was no affection overnight and in the morning he barely touched me. It felt 'off' and I just knew he would eventually ghost me. Was there touching and kissing in the morning with Bacon? Sorry that might be asking for tmi .

Bant that sounds awful for you, what a decision to make, although like you say there was never any question between relationship or kids, but still gutting to have to come to that. My recent iron Apple lives about 2hrs from me and that's one of the reasons I've been wary. I really want somebody closer for all the reasons you've said.

But Apple has not been in contact since Friday and I'm not that bothered. I wonder if I should get in contact tomorrow but I'm not sure what it will achieve, if he was bothered about a third date surely he'd have made contact Sun eve or today as he is now child free?

Interestingly I had a random text today from a mat hall the way back from Sept. We've been in sporadic contact and it appears he only gets back in contact for a little sexting . So I threw him a crumb and then said that was all he was getting until he decided to meet me (we've chatted on the phone and text but never met). Silence since. It's pillocks like this that are making me feel I'm done with matching and chatting. I am not feeling the love .

Anna I love how you dealt with racist guy and your dealings with irons generally, in awe over here. Also 314 I love your scientific way of labelling irons before gracing them with an actual name!

Reddish everybody has said what I would also say. I feel that people should be on a similar sexual wavelength. If not, and worse if they won't discuss it at all, that's a deal breaker for me. I'm sorry you invested so much .

So this week I'm going to back off men, leave tinder alone and quietly regroup myself while living my amazing life .

Fat fingers! I meant to say a match all the way from back in Sept!

Also JollyX how could I miss your Karmic update! I don't need to swoon for anyone when I can do it for you two .

Sending positivity to everybody else I've missed

Handy, short half dutch guy does live near me, which is maybe why in a moment of madness i agreed to a coffee. I think he's about five foot four and I'm about five foot two. I just know I'd waste his time if I met up with him. Romantically. But maybe he'd be a friend. I don't know. Is that crap? to know that before you meet up! I have agreed to two dates this week that I now want to wriggle out of. One with a 29 yo and one with a man a fag paper taller than I am. And I stuffed up by repeating myself (doh) to a man I liked. So, bloody hell, well done

By this time tomorrow I'll have no irons........... Order restored. Back in my natural lonely habitat! Except for you lot!

Right. I must sleep now.

Not read thread. Cheeky snog from a RL iron -mrfrench. Yum! Not remotely long term material but who cares right?

314, you can email whatsapp conversations to yourself, you know.

Right, things seem to be going rapid tits up with Bacon and I have no idea what to do. His messages since Sunday have been few and far between and markedly lacking in affection/flirting/banter. He's taking ages to respond which means we are not getting a conversation going. It's like he's suddenly lost all interest.
I just don't know how to deal with it without coming across as needy cos to be honest, I feel bloody needy right now!
It's just such a difference from last wee when things were great, and now he's actually spent some time with me, he can't be bothered? I don't know. I think we may have completely wrecked things with the too soon sex.
What do I do? I can't spend the next two weeks feeling like this!

How do you do that Freaky?

Go into the chat, click the three dots in top right, then choose "more" then "email chat".

Sorry Freaky I meant about emailing WhatsApp conversations to yourself - I hadn't seen yr next message when I posted :(

Maybe he's just having a wobble like we do all the time? Hope he will work it out & come back as before.
Meanwhile can you try to stay bright & breezy and channel that fabulous life?