Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

I had a dream too ocelot actually.

In it, I met a really laid back man I went to school with, J e f f, he's an artist and he dresses really scruffily, but he's also a vegan (so is Bear) and has a really gentle manner about him, I get on with him well when I run in to him occasionally.

so I dreamt that I ran in to him in the butchers, and he told me something shocking, that he'd been seeing/dating a friend of mine (who is a real foodie and carnivore as it happens! ) and they were very happy. In the dream I was very shocked, as I'd be in rl! But I was also a bit jealous, even though I'd knew I couldn't express that emotion.

so i guess my subconscious mind is processing (finally) that things aren't always what they seem and that although I was in some ways totally honest with bear, I had to bite back down some feelings to suit him. My subconscious is doing some work anyway. Which is good. Jeff represents Bear. Not sure why my friend the foodie was in the dream, except she is a person who always gets what she wants, in a nice way. Everybody likes her and she's very positive. She isn't materialistic but she is wealthy and wouldn't be like Jeff. Wow. Los recovecos de la mente

Phew waving im glad to see you've knocked the idea on the head! These ladies have spoken a lot of sense!
So reminder of who's on dates tonight please?
I'm SUPPOSED to be, with mrfussy but I have a hunch he's going to ghost me or just cancel. No reply to my last message early evening and nothing today so not looking good. 2 for 2 pulling out on the day, who knew I was SO on the updatable bench not that I'm actually fussed on him per say, just fancied having a Saturday evening out for once and someone to buy the drinks and hopefully have a laugh with! So if he does disappear/cancel I'll be a bit pissed off, especially as my one and only other "date" with partyboy cancelled an hour before we were due to meet! must not get a complex

Morning everyone! It's muddling doing the 5k.

Where's JollyX?! I need a Karmiciron update!

Waving I completely agree with what everybody else has said. Keep your home as your space, it will feel 'invaded' if he ever has any time there. I'm glad you've decided it's not an option.

Fingers crossed last that it all goes ahead, we have had a few flaky men recently on here!

JollyP I'm really happy for you, you've not been on the thread that long and you've well overtaken a lot of us with where you're at! What's your secret?

I'm still wrestling with myself whether to cancel Apple tomorrow...

Ha ha foxtrot there's not magical secret, I've always been good at starting relationships but they rarely last. I get needy easily and then I get dumped. Watch this space!

Hello everyone!

I can't do a loo update on MN with my phone so apologies for the late date recap..
So, after we had little explanation about the texting incident we actually did go on that date 3. Re the text, I misunderstood and went all guns blazing on him because I thought he meant he "was feeling too lazy" to go out insecure subtext: with me. Hard when translating but he meant the table booking process was a pain .. and that was all. oops. Bitching fail. Haha. Well, not a complete disaster because he said he'd "had to be in jail or the ER before he'd cancel on me." That's cute.
The date was great, lovely spot (he did impress me with the restaurant choice), conversation flowed and five stars snogging. He is not seeing anyone else and dropped In the conversation that he has told some people about me, in a casual "yeah jolly and I might come by later" way. Not sure how I feel about that.. but it doesn't freak me out! Also had a chat about neediness/insecurity and I am starting to have a clearer idea of how he works. I don't think he is needy in a clingy way, he just functions better when interacting with people if that makes sense? Another good point is that he is really into self-improvement which is weirdly attractive and reassuring.
Anyways, date 4 should be Tuesday or Wednesday and there might be more next weekend. He is creeping into my head and calendar a bit like MTG snuck up on Waving I think... Not that I see it as a bad sign!

Damm that was my longest loo update, must be saying something

Right - off to catch up with your stories now!

jollyxmas this is sounding very promising indeed! I particularly like the "jail or ER before he'd cancel on you" part. That is very nice to hear!

That all sounds positive Jolly

So, how do you all manage to avoid the needy trap?
Lovely 4th date last night (exclusivity chat etc, all good) , friendly text exchange this morning, texting every 20 minutes or so, then radio silence from him for past 3 hours, with no apparent explanation. My logical brain knows I am being silly, but my needy brain is saying why? Why no reply to my last text, has he gone off me already? How do I stop these thoughts, they're totally useless and achieve nothing. I hate this feeling of being happy after each text I receive, then fretting after each one I send, wondering when he'll reply. It's so silly! I've got plenty to do so keeping busy is no problem, I just I could reset my mind so I could feel happy rather than anxious. Any tips?

Hi all good to see you're keeping up the good work. Disappointing news here - I had two really good irons that I was messaging all the time I'd been on hols. I met them both this week - the second one last night and they're both a no - I just don't find them physically attractive. Last night's said he thought I was much more attractive in person which was nice but then got all clingy and was begging me to see him again which was just really embarrassing.
So I have to start over again. I'm really sad about it as I'd been really upbeat, so much so that I was frightened it would lead to a period of being down and it has. I find myself really missing my ex and our marriage.

That's a brilliant update JollyX, it all sounds very promising .

I'm very similar JollyP, I get needy too but I'm trying to recognise it when it creeps up. But at the moment I can't get anything off the ground date wise.

The key JollyP is to be satisfied with your Amazing Life so that you aren't as needy. Get busy, make other plans. He is there to complement your fabulous life not be a pivotal factor right now. I do find this hard, it's so easy to say but I'm completely crap at following it myself.

Oh no Disappointed but try to see it as practice, getting out and meeting people. There will be times like this, I'm having a crappy spell at the moment where the barrel really is being scraped but then there are other times when lovely irons seem plentiful .

It's hard isn't it. This is what I mean when I say I sometimes think I'm happier single, without the ups and downs. I know I get needy, I can recognise it, and I can stop myself doing anything silly re contacting, texting etc. What I can't do is stop my brain obsessing. Very annoying.

I'm exactly the same and I get swept away very easily when men are professing feelings early on. I know what you mean about being single, you know where you're at and you're not expecting anyone to text so you're not thinking about it. I'm seriously thinking about coming off tinder for a break soon (I'm like a broken record ).

Im really nervous now he has been messaging me all morning while i was out shopping and his final message was he would see me at the end with a silver shiney blanket. I said a jd and coke would be preferred!

Fox don't cancel Apple, I am more and more convinced that the guys who do not seem like "the one" on paper are the best dates. Because you do not have high expectations/crazy feelings you can gradually build a connection. Instead of praying for him to like you and go all Labrador. Mind you pre-karmic I would have canceled too! I went on date 1 only because I feared the Universe's retaliation haha.

Jollyp happy to hear it is going well for you! Well done on the exclusivity, such an awkward chat to have. Fox is right, I think the key is not not place him at the center of your life, at this stage he is just a nice addition to it. I am planning to address my own neediness by acknowledging the feeling and sitting hard on my hands not to act on it. Need better plan.

Handy that Twix is not going anywhere, he will text. Repeat three times, as a mantra . Alternatively, there is . I need a better plan ANDA to stock up on wine

Waving I have zero experience when it comes to juggling ex and kids, but why would your counsellor suggest that? If him coming to your house the only option for him to have them overnight? --

Tanya woohoo sweet CurlyMuso day!! He sounds lovely!

Last I hate when a guy asks you out for a certain day and then nada. Like time and place were not important parameters, you will just hang around until he tells you what is going to happen. So I ask, in a "hey, I have a lot to do so need a bit of planning" way. Subtext: you are being penciled in, consider yourself lucky. it has worked for me so far.

Ocelot argh at Scot.. He will rearrange if he is genuinely interested, like Freaky's Bacon (!)

< Waves to everyone else >

Omg. Atrocious typos. Sorry.

I blame the swooning bench effect..!

muddling I'm really looking forward to your update later!

Thanks JollyX I'm not cancelling just yet. We haven't exchanged any messages today yet, I get the impression we are both not that into each other. Or maybe we are both just giving it time to see if the attraction grows while dtd. Well, why not?!

I may have another iron, and I can feel an early flurry of excitement. And Marine and Tram have disappeared which suits me.

I'm not out on a date later but I am going to 50th (a man) I wonder if he has even one single friend?!

Muddling, have a good time! And foxtrot, are you on a date? is the time and the place arranged?

DrFoxtrot, I am enjoying that aspect of the break. This morning i was just in bed with my coffee and there was nobody who might text. No listening out or half hoping for pings. It was a calm feeling.

NOT resting for too long though.

314 my friends' parties are always disappointingly un-full of straight single men.

Yes 314 that half listening for pings I recognise it well!!

The date with Apple is tomorrow, going to his for a meal and adult sleepover .

I'm cultivating a new gorgeous iron as we speak (I must not mess this up)!!

foxtrot at adult sleepover!!

Trills, I won't get my hopes up! this is why I have to roll my eyes when people tell me to shut down my profile! I think never meeting anybody, never having an iron, never getting a chance that would be far more upsetting than having to wade through frogs!! That's what the happily marrieds don't understand.

Fox I am just the same when men express feelings :( M said he was falling for me which should have given me confidence - well it did but I stopped being sensible at that point & let go of my heart too quickly (& I guess managed to come across as needy when he got scared & backed off :( )

How to stop doing this?!! Or is it just not an issue with emotionally available men?

Have had a lovely day at NHS march & tennis team practice :) but now home alone with no plans :(

Heading to meet my pal, two hours until CurlyMuso.....