Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

On the basis of my profile he thinks we have everything in common already! Seemed to take it like a job interview the way he 'answered' everything :(

S* I'm talking myself out of it here... I'm going to go but somewhat worried I'll be overwhelmed by thoughts that he's not M....

Oh, yeah that is slightly worrying, if he's not taken the chance to get to know the real you..but then maybe that's what the date is all about. He's met this woman online who looks great, perfect profile etc and he's just a bit over-excited at the thought of meeting you and getting to know you properly?

I'm not even going to try to tell you not to think of M. The first date I had after Mr2015, my friend texted to ask me how it went and all I could say was "he's not Mr2015", so I completely understand where you are coming from. But the dates I've had since then, it's been less of an issue, especially with Bacon, he's just so much himself that it doesn't matter that he's not someone else, so I hope you find the same.

My mantra today will be *Fxxx you M you let me go" so hoping that will help...!

I haven't even imagined kissing anyone else & I think the other 2 dates could detect the forcefield around me... :(

Waving, do you think your exH would be happy to look after the children in your house?

Pingu is my favourite iron at the moment, so I'm pleased that it's working out that I'm meeting him first. But he seems fairly guarded so I don't know that much about him other than that we have some stuff in common (including music, which is a big one for me) and I quite like his picture (although there's only one, so it could be deceptive). Really not sure what to expect with this one! I'm not at all invested at the moment, which is a good thing, but am looking forward to meeting him.

Freaky and Ocelot, the first couple of men I met after Walt, I did find it hard not to compare them with him. We instantly clicked on line, and then there was instant chemistry when we met. But it's almost a year since I've seen him now, so hopefully I won't be comparing tomorrow...

Yep Goldfish exactly the same with M :( Nothing close to that since...
5 months now since I saw him so hoping I will be less likely to compare... But probably kidding myself...!

Ocelot, if it's any comfort (probably not!) I've found it's got gradually easier, even though I haven't found anyone who's come anywhere close to him since. When I met Walt it felt as if finally (in my 40s!) I'd met the right one ... and then it only lasted 4 months!

Update: date postponed indefinitely as he's on way to Scotland as his father has been rushed to hospital.

Similar story with me & M Goldfish ... Except we are mid 50s :(
I'm a bit relieved date is off in a way as it was stirring up uncomfortable feelings... But don't want to be home alone either! :(

Ocelot, oh no! I can imagine it being a mixture of relief and disappointment. Any hope of getting one of your friends out tonight instead?

I'm late 40s and Walt was 50 when we met.

Oh ocelot there must be something in the water, karmic is all hungover from the office party last and sounded less than enthusiastic in his last text about tonight so I have just told him to pick himself up or cancel. Am not dealing with a half-hearted guy tonight. Dammit. plus alternative plan involves a wine tasting at a friend's where MrONS is likely to be...

Haha Waving glad that my Chicago years were useful!

Hello all,

It was crazy busy with work yesterday, been reading but couldn't find the time to post…. have the DC this weekend and Sherpa hasn't asked about meeting up so looking forward to reading up about all the dates coming up for many of you tonight/Sat night and living vicariously through you all!

Handy I completely understand re feeling slightly deflated by Twix not being more enthusiastic about planning/confirming dates. Sorry can't recall but does he have kids, and if he does, are they with him most weekends? I often find that childless guys/those who usually have weekends free are completely oblivious to the fact that our kids free time is limited and we therefore might not want to not know what we are doing until the last minute as we might otherwise end up not making the best of that free time if plans fall through etc. Sherpa has been guilty of this in the past. It also does't make you feel like you are of high value to them if they are not rushing to ensure your limited free time is spent with them and not someone else is it?

Tanya Your date sounds fantastic, hope it goes really well!

Freaky Seeing Bacon tomorrow, yay!! Lucky you! I wish I was fit enough to try BMF…..

Ocelot I really hope you date goes well too. Just think of it as you taking the first positive step to move on towards a new future away from M and the chance to meet someone new and possibly interesting. Anything more will be a plus :-).

A quick update from me….. Sherpa did message a bit last night which was nice, but still not mention at all about meeting up (which might be in part caused by him knowing I have the DC with me this weekend). I made a mildly flirty comment referring to something saucy we did at the weekend and I only got a 'lol' as a response ; the few messages we've had have been friendly more than anything else, so not feeling a flirty/romantic vibe at all (could also be him being the gentleman he is). He has initiated messages 3 out of 4 times and responds within seconds though; he wouldn't is he wasn't interested in seeing me again right?

Also, and I need advice please on something that has really bothered me but not sure whether I'm overreacting… he posts on a general forum that I'm not a member of but just had a look and only the day after we met at the weekend (when things got pretty cosy) he joined a thread on there titled 'Single and seriously looking for a monogamous relationship in xyz city (where we live)'. I'm hurt by that …… it's one thing to continue to be on dating sites as it's still very early days, no exclusivity chat etc etc but proactively joining a sub-forum like that I don't know, it somehow feels worse. On the plus side, I do know now he's not an IDWAR .What do you all think, do I have a right to be bothered by it? Funnily enough, he doesn't seem to be on any dating sites any more.....

Oh no Ocelot sorry about your date being cancelled .... any of your friends free to meet up? If not, I would take myself to the cinema with a large size of popcorn .

Jolly What the hell is wrong with these men?! He shouldn't even be complaining to you about being hangover; what is he like, 12 and in need of his mummy to come and make him feel better poor little mite? Grrrr. I love the way you responded to him .

Knowing i am afraid you have nailed it - yup he is needy. Though I suspect it is on par with the "hungover from hell" being a like like the man-flu.

Anyways he is now asking what I meant by that. Feels a bit "nagged". Pot kettle dear.

Hi, I occasionally lurk, but need some POV on something...
I summoned up the courage this week to ask chap out at work (let's call him Bob), and to my utter shock he said yes!!!!
i was totally floored, and we tentatively agreed on a date on Monday eve. i gave him my number, but in my fluster I may have written it down wrong. I'm sure he'd said he would call that night (Wed), but he hasn't, and he hasn't called since.
Is this because...

He has had second thoughts.
I had indeed written my number down wrong
He is being male and has not invested so much importance in the 'firming up of arrangements' call as I have, and so will ring nearer the time when it occurs to him.

incidentally, I haven't been back to work since Wed, and so haven't had the opportunity to see him.

Any ideas???? I HATE this waiting around!!!!!

Hi everybody!

Knowing how long have you been dating Sherpa and how many times have you met him? I don't think I'd be too concerned about that thread yet if you've met him a couple of times and not chatted about exclusivity.

Oh no Ocelot I was really hoping for a lovely update from your Scot date! It's interesting though that you feel relieved.

Good luck Tanya and Goldfish on your dates.

Super I usually rely on chemistry but I do think give him a second go if he's attractive and texting, he sounds keen on you.

I'm in the same situation with Apple, not sure if I wanted a second date which we'd planned for Sunday. Anyway I may have sabotaged it !! He said he has cash flow issues and can't come to me, which could be an excuse. Rather than just leave it and wait for him to chase again, I've said that there are other things we could do. I feel like Rachel off Friends when she opened the door to Joshua wearing a wedding dress! 'Well that ought to do it'. He hasn't replied yet haha. Oh well, I wasn't sure about him anyway so that's another half hearted iron gone!

Waving, I haven't met Leicester yet, he will be working up north nearer to me in May so I have pencilled him in for then. There was more lovely texting and flirty banter last night. Other than him, I have serious dating apathy. I might come off tinder...but every time I say that a rush of new irons appear.

soggy hello and welcome to the thread! Well done on asking someone out in RL, that's a difficult thing to do. There's no way of knowing exactly what the reason is but you have to try to not dwell on it. Don't be tempted to try to make contact with him (if you have his number, email, etc). Keep busy with friends and your other hobbies. If he wants a date he will contact you, he must be keen otherwise I think he would have made excuses (like cash flow, see my post above ).

Foxtrot Apple's reason sounds a bit like an excuse.... how far is he from you, is it that expensive for him to get to you? I would find it a little bit offputting that he's just telling you he can't make it to your area ie expecting you to offer to go to his I would assume, instead of offering to still to come to your town but keeping it simple like doing a walk/cup of coffee.

Last weekend was date three with Sherpa but we first met about five months ago. I might be overthinking it then .... once again

Have you talked to him at all about what you both want? Can you see his contribution on the thread? It could be encouraging that he wants a long term relationship.

Apple has replied to my texts I'm not sure why I cause these dilemmas for myself. I should have left it and we could have just ghosted each other. He has said I'm very welcome to come to him, it's about £20 petrol. To be honest I'd rather go to him, it means I don't have to clean my house but I'm thinking now that this is my chance to get out. But I did want to see him again to be sure. Argh HELP!!!

Oh god I'm getting matches on tinder I don't even recognise.

What am I doing?! My standards dictate that I should not be doing all the offering and bending over backwards to get a date I'm not even sure about. I need a good slapping.

No Foxtrot do not go to him, he should be making the effort!!! And you don't have to clean your house especially if you are not even sure if you like him, I wouldn't be bringing him back to mine if that's the case. It sets the tone as well for you to be acceptant of future lazy and half arsed behaviour on his part which is not a good start, especially if you come to like him. I would just ignore him and let him realise all by himself that you're not impressed.

I think it's too early to talk to Sherpa about what we both want, it might scare him off. Him being a lot younger makes things a lot more challenging as well.....