Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

I guess its because M was very keen....& then he wasn't :( ... So I'm feeling very cautious as I dont trust it...

I've got pre-date jitters, and still another day to go. Glad I am meeting my pal for an advance drink!

So that's you & me on the jitters bench Tanya ...but I can't have an advance drink!

Stop them in their tracks if they over promise ! cos the fliip side is under delivering. I don't regret now that H disappeared, but I sometimes wonder if I'd stopped him in his tracks in January and said eg ''it's too soon on date two to tease me with stories of leather bags for my birthday in March". Just each time, with good humour, made it clear that we should wait and see about that plan he had for down the line. I wonder would it have made him feel he owed me less. But then this is hypothetical musinng. I actually don't care about H. Jusst how to deal with it in the future!

tanyadm and ocelot I'm excited for 'ye' :-P (bit of gaelic there) I think.

tanya just the one advance drink!

waving yeh, I@d be like that too, I'd need to 'dialogue' myself through somebody who was genuinely keen. I hope I don't run from it, if I find it! Give me that talking to if I crop up on this thread having wobbles about having found somebody GOOD for a change

He knows im over where he lives for a 5k night event tomorrow and kept commenting he was going to come and find me but no definite plans to meet up he asked the schedule of the race night so who knows!

Living vicariously through the thread at the moment, loving all your stories.

MrComputer is still away for another couple of weeks but although he is staying in contact and being lovely he still hasn't asked me to meet up in the future...

So I'm going to try and take it for what it is. A nice pen pal

Apologies for not answering others posts would like feedback re last nights date luck of the Irish who is nice had a frisson of attractiveness when we met but after a few drinks and kisses i realised I was getting no chemistry but he's good looking!

This reminded me of Mr Journo who said after meeting me that he "didn't feel a romantic thing which is annoying as you're so bloody hot" yet he liked me and we had chemistry upon kidding definite chemistry!

So what do I do here? Slow burner? Will the chemistry grow? Am I not feeling a romantic thing for Irish either or is it lack of chemistry?!

Waving I see MTG is still on the cards which is great I think it's natural to think about if things wane in first few months but he seems keen and not hot and cold like Soho.

Handy I think a lot of men are like Twix re emotionally unavailable playing cards close etc.

I agree 100% with what your therapist or even you think re Amber red flags and spidey senses i think all too often we ignore them or with flags we think oh but I like him and ignore them. What several books say about when a man says something important eg not settling down etc st the start I think these should be listened to. Vi don't know if the same applies to women.

Now I've got a nice text from Irish which is a nice feeling.

Super I'd give it another date at least! Did you manage to get a snog? Could you tell from that?

Waving, the advance drink is literally an hour and a half before my date....

MrsLannister yes it was a couple of drunken snogs maybe it was the drink 2nd time round that masked any stuff...

He was or is nice though

Super Give him another go. You got on, there was snogging and he's texting you the day after...those are all good things!

As weird as that may sound Super feeling "kind of meh" is the best position to be in.. Because you are more likely to evaluate him properly and not miss red flags. So I say until you are sure he has not convinced you he is the one, keep seeing him. That is what I am doing with Karmic and it is bloody relaxing! Plus you can happily practice your bitch skills without the fear that he is going to run away

Good luck for your date today, Ocelot. I'm not surprised you're feeling jittery. What time are you meeting?

Handy, I like someone who's communicative, open and enthusiastic about arranging dates, so I think I'd feel similar to you about Twix. It's so hard though to know if our doubts are because of the person we're seeing, or because of past experiences. That's what I struggled with when I saw Walt. I hope he suggests a date on Tuesday.

JollyX, when are you seeing Karmic again?

Super, I agree with the others. I think this is the kind of situation when a second date can be helpful.

Tanya, a gin bar sounds good.

Waving, so glad things with MTG are still going well.

I have date zero with Pingu tomorrow, but he's not being very decisive about where to meet. I feel very hypocritical, as I'm not either, but there's something attractive about a man who can choose somewhere nice for a date (doesn't have to be fancy or anything, it's just nice if a man can make a decision).

Aye Goldfish, it's round the corner from the bar I usually go to, and has a massive range of gins. Totally fantasising about the prosecco and rhubarb/ginger gin drink I'm going to have when I get there. I can't think beyond that or my head will explode with nervousness.

Good luck with your date zero too! Hope you both manage to decide on a venue! CurlyMuso suggested two nearby places and I chose, so it was fairly mutual. I do like a decisive man.

Prosecco and rhubarb/ginger gin drink sounds absolutely delicious! And a good thing to focus on to avoid getting too nervous.

If Pingu suggested two places and asked me to choose, that would be great. I just have a feeling he's as indecisive as me, and experience has shown that's not a good thing!

I'm very indecisive, would be amazing to meet a man who had a bit of backbone.... Not to take charge, but to actual like an equal....

"act"

Exactly, Tanya. I most definitely don't want a man to take charge, but someone who has good ideas of stuff to do would be great. I had an 18-month relationship with Mr C, who I met on Match, and one of the things I really liked about him was that he had lots of good ideas about places to go, and was enthusiastic about going out and doing different things. That's definitely something I'm looking for in a man.

I'm seeing Bacon tomorrow! I had a bit of a revelation that most of my worries are down to my mind jumping ahead too much...we are not in a relationship. We've had ONE DATE (albeit one awesome date ) and we don't really know each other. I just need to enjoy it and note the concerns without letting them take over. Tomorrow, there WILL be wine, chat and snogging and I am looking forward to all of that very much.

Ocelot How is TheScot being labrador-ish? I agree it's disconcerting to have that level of keeness...think you just have to take it with a pinch of salt until you feel more comfortable.

Tanya I love CurlyMuso's approach of suggesting two places and letting you choose. And a gin bar sounds fabulous!

Muddling Do you really think your iron will turn up at your 5k?! I'd die if an iron saw me in my running gubbings, post 5k!

Handy have a lovely weekend!

Waving I was going through an old thread, trying to find that "cosmic order" thing I did and found a post where I was trying to convince you to ditch MTG...probably because of his Labrador tendencies. I am so glad you didn't listen to me! Please, no one take my advice ever!

So, I went to BMF last night and can indeed confirm that it would be an excellent place to meet men! Was about 70/30 male/female ratios and some very fit males they were too. I might have dampened my chances slightly by stepping in dog shit within 5 mins But I held my own with all those fit people and had a really good time...very sociable group too, including one nice looking Irish guy who gave me the eye...

Effusive compliments, lots of messages & being so sure we are going to have a blast Freaky

Though having said that, he's being more restrained today - now that we are going to meet! I'm just hoping for an interesting evening without awkwardness really ... But I know almost nothing about this guy! His stories began with great grandfather from the Isles & haven't got to his generation yet...

Oh blimey yes, that does sound a little keen! Is he asking lots of things about you?