Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Oh, it's definitely WHEN. I know that. Every other time I've wigged out about him, he's come back more gorgeous and charming than ever...and that was before he'd even met me! Now he has, and I KNOW he liked me as much as I liked him.
There's something unusual going on today but I do know I am not being ghosted or anything. I'll be back later going "Oh, the idiot left his phone at the gym!" or somesuch.

MrsL The app is called "Ask the Universe" and it was 59p from Google (and I NEVER pay for apps). Total rip off as it just generates these random answers but it gave me a lift and a laugh earlier.

Anna You definitely win the prize for Iron-naming on this thread! I love them! Pleaaaaase do explain Barn Runner though?!

Handy How many hours till Twixipoo (sorry! )

Jollyx Good news re Karmic! And seeing him again on Friday? Excellent!

Aknowing I'll be wearing jeans and a top, I think, we are both jeans people and I'm just going to his for something to eat (this will be date #10 or something) and a glass of wine and lots of snogging plus if I'm very lucky a bit more but I'll be getting showered and will apply just a smidge of makeup. Getting there 7:30pm. Twixipoo Hahahaha!!! Now that it's the afternoon I CANNOT wait to see him!! Attack of the butterflies just kicked in... Bloody hell!!! Gutted that I'll be coming home later and not staying over

Anna I agree the names of your irons are second to none!!!! I can only imagine what sort of person Barn Runner is!!

Freaky yeah he's left his phone at home or something, hasn't he.

Actually, I am now seriously thinking that he has left it at the gym. It fits in with timings of when he was online and he's not the kind of person to be wedded to his phone, so he's probably just planning to pick it up later today.

Handy, I'm getting butterfilies on your behalf! I love those dinner/wine/groping-on-the-sofa type dates.

Good Freaky I'm glad your mystic assistance worked.

Part of my grumpiness with OLD is that I visited friends for lunch on Sunday, the female friend of the couple is very into alternative everything. I was telling them about my OLD experiences when she said 'I am sensing that the universe wants you to be single for this time'. Said from the comfort of her marriage to a lovely man and their beautiful home. I was screaming inside. Outwardly I smiled in what I hope was a beatific way.

Yes, Barn Runner. He reminds me of something in Blade Runner and is restoring a barn simple!

Oh God Anna, that would really make me scream inside too. And possibly even outside. As I said upthread, I am really not into woo at all but maintaining a positive attitude has really helped me deal with the whole OLD thing and the silly app today made me laugh as it just confirmed what my gut, and the sensible voices on this thread were already saying!

anna love the barn runner name and explanation! I do love reading all the funny names we give them on here, and choosing them myself too.
New iron peterpan was such named because he's had a heart surgery, and has some kind of valve in it that ticks audibly if you are close enough apparently! I joked that I'd hear him coming like the crocodile in Peter Pan. I didn't really want an iron called crocodile and he laughed at the PP reference and so it was born..
handy how did twix get his name? I've not been on long enough to know this and always wondered..
freaky excellent job on keeping calm and zen about the phone. I do love the term wig out though, it makes me snigger but I have no clue why!
anna just to that comment!

Freaky any news yet? Him not being online at all makes total sense with leaving his phone behind at the gym. The worst is when they come online constantly yet they don't message you ..... when would he normally make it back to the gym, right back after work?

Anna I would have been more than grumpy with a comment like that ... hate, hate, hate all those 'he will appear when you least expect it' comments from smug married friends. No he won't! (unless he's hiding at the meat counter in my Waitrose ready to pounce on me that is ).

I'm having a wobble here :(; we had such an amazing time at the weekend, and having so little contact from him is killing me, I am disappointed. I really, really like this one which is putting me in a very vulnerable position already (not that he has any idea; channelling MH to a tee and keeping my cool but really, feeling a bit crappy). Please tell me ito get a grip and chill as it's only Wednesday?!

Another lover of the term wig-out.

Anna I would have screamed on the inside too. I find people who are coupled up have a tendency to feel sorry for me when I tell them about OLD - like it's some sad and desperate thing - and don't realise that I'm actually having fun! I think they inwardly veer on the side of being horrified!

I'm afraid the Twix name cannot be explained because it would make him completely identifyable. Sorry!!

handy have an AMAzING time tonight. Cannot wait for the update.

freaky am off to check out that app! I'm sure he's left his phone somewhere.

So in other news all of my other RL irons have upped their game.
french has asked if I would like to a join a drinks mixer thing he is arranging. Love it and I said I would very much like to
tree2 is being very sweet and amazing, his text chat is very very good
realthing is also bubbling along, slow and intermittent but a cadence developing

I've come off one of the dating apps and about to ditch the second. Bring on the RL iron finding!

anna ooooo, that is sooo unbelievably smug and rude. How patronising! Well done you on smiling through it.

Wow this dating business is hard isn't it. Tell me, is it just me who feels like this or do all of you?
Basically I've met someone I really like, and he seems to like me. When I've just seen him, or we've just spoken, or he's sent me a lovely text - I'm on cloud 9, can't stop daydreaming about him, all lovely but very distracting!

When I've had a gap in contact of several hours, or texts have been just "OK", then I start to feel anxious and worry that it's all going to go wrong.
And when I read this thread and hear some of the horror stories of ghosting etc, then I worry too.
So I'm constantly on edge one way or another!!
It's crazy!
How do I put it to the back of my mind so I can carry on with normal life?

Anna that comment is unbelievable, I'd have been livid!

Hello everyone!

Waving it is still early days so I am not really surprised that you see each other every day. As long as you do not feel smothered it sounds fine! And re MTG not having a lot of friends to hang out with, it takes a lot of time make new ones especially if you are foreign.

Re Maple I am not quite sure what went wrong. The first date went great, at least on my end. There was no kiss or anything but we kept talking afterwards. But he never asked me out on a second date, just kept simmering me. So I am guessing that either he was not into me or I freaked him out by hinting at that second date and telling him I would not just entertain him by texting late at night. Probably a combination of both. Anyways, I have moved on, he knows where to find me if he wants another date.

Last I like the sound of Peter Pan!

Handy yay TWIX DAY! re KarmicIron and his anxiousness/insecurity I think it is just the way he is. But...

Knowing I made it crystal clear I would not be fixing him and he does not seem to expect that from me. I think he is just being open about it. In a "yup am tormented and I own it" way. It is not very sexy but the owning it part makes it ok for me or am I delusional? Will keep pushing his buttons on Friday..

Harriet yup, that was Maple. I cannot remember who coined that (Handy?) but it sounds like he is simmering you. Next time he texts, you can use the MH line for simmering texts: "Well duh" (in reply to what's up?/I miss you/sorry I didn't text earlier...etc). You are not impressed, tell him that!

Freaky needy trap alert. Don't go there. Hands off phone. Chill out. Focus on something else. Even if it is . He will text!

Knowing uh, tricky. Can you do the "I am doing this on that day, come it will be fun!" thing?

Anna high standards is a good thing! Well done on the pro activity! The more irons you get, the better is the overall quality of your dates.

I slept 3h and I am still a bit hungover - currently hugging the nespresso machine at work.. Please Universe let me sneak out of the office and go home, I can't keep pretending I am alive!

Knowing Nah, nothing yet but also still not been online so it does point to his phone not being available...he does usually go to the gym after work (every day...can't wait to see that body...) so if that is the case I would expect a message later tonight.

Shall I budge up on the wigout bench for you? I'm not surprised that you are wobbling about Sherpa. Although if this is he usual style of communication and it's not dropped off, that's a good sign. Does he reply if you message? That's also a good sign! After 3 dates, I'd be asking him for another one! Or at least dropping very heavy hints about when you are free...There are very MH-friendly ways of doing it, think Jollyx mentioned something upthread about "you lucky so-and-so, I'm free on Saturday night!"

knowing and jollyp it's the agony and the ecstasy of OLD isn't it? Stand firm. Try to do something else and don't wait for the text and please remind me of this when I'm phone watching too

I expect that nothing went wrong jollyx and I'm sure that you did nothing wrong. Good for you for being able to move on but I do know how frustrating it is. Like a job interview I sometimes want to ask for feedback.

I'm in awe of your positive attitude freaky I'm going to try to emulate it.

I have another iron and I like him. I'm calling him Le Grand Fromage.

Jolly You're definitely not the only one!! OLD is a rollercoaster of emotions. In theory the only way to survive it is to keep cool and detached, and not overthink it. Easier said than done though!

JollyXmas It sounds like you'll be in a better place to assess him after your date on Friday. Maybe he just needs validation that you do want to keep on seeing him and he will turn it around? Oh and find an empty meeting room and take a power nap!

Freaky He does reply to my messages straight away, like in seconds but the last two ones were mostly silly stuff and not a hint of an effort of making conversation, just merely a comment to what I've sent him. He's very well mannered so my wobbling side is thinking he would reply even if not interested just because of his excellent manners which I know is a bit nonsense….

OK I need MH-friendly ways of steering him towards suggesting doing something this weekend. Not as easy as saying 'I'm doing xyz, join me' because I have the DC and unless I'm meeting him and booking a sitter for it he knows I'll be at home with them. That's if he messages of course and engages in conversation; I'm only getting a daily one liner at the moment from him . Not swipping on Tinder but I have about 20 matches, might message to all of them to try and distract myself…..

Ok so i now have 4 irons messaging me! How can i facebook stalk one from a phone number? The one from last was easy he had a strange first name

Hi everyone!

I've been lurking the past few threads and decided it's time to join.

Separated from my OH last year, will be a while for divorce but no rush. Been trying OLD!

Your stories really keep me going. Although at the moment I am feeling like taking a break as not finding anyone interesting.

Had an iron a few months back. Got on so well, text everyday for months morning to night, but he never arranged to meet up. We only had two dates! So I backed off, now barely speak... think he just wanted a penpal. I'll call him MrSteam - I'll probably go on about him... he's like the 'Soho' and 'Maple' guys I've read about here.

Been only on one other date! Didn't fancy him at all. Arranged a date with a guy last weekend but he did the thing of get the phone number then NO TEXTING BEFORE THE DATE. argh! He eventually text the morning of to say sorry, busy, rain check. I sent a reply saying well I didn't think we were meeting anyway! So he's MrRed - not expecting to hear from him again though.

Anyway! Got another two irons asking me out. MrCycle - he lives a distance away... not too bad but I haven't been to that area before. I'm going away soon though and busy so simmering... Then there's MrBlur BUT - Can I just ask - is it old fashioned of me to expect men to offer to come to MY city for a first 'meet' rather than them just expect me to go through there? It's 2 guys now that have done this and I think it would be nice if they offered first to come to ME?
I also have a MrJumper but I kind of ghosted him last year not sure about him, but he's nice to chat to.

I don't feel the same about any of these current irons like I did MrSteam....

Muddling I'm not an expert but try putting his phone number on the search box and see if anything comes up; his first name + location might work too. I would also try searching with his phone number directly on Google, that might yield his email address or last name too

Welcome Meg!

Knowing yep I think that unfortunately that is another validation he needs. He got better at everything after I said something (can't remember what exactly!) about liking him so far. He got an amuse bouche sized mooseburger.
Mmh trying to think what you could text Sherpa that "you want to check out a particular bar/restaurant" instead? As long as you steer clear of the "I am on call for you" vibe (hence why I would not mention booking the sitter), and stay confident it should work!

And Anna I just saw the horrible comment you got from that woman. Am and ! WTF is wrong with those people? Good work with keeping your calm, I would probably have shot back some useless passive aggressive stuff. Like I am sensing that the Universe wants you to fucking apologize for being a massive asshole to me.

He left his motherfucking phone at home! I am actually a massive twat! Sorry for swears.
Glad I found my positivity halfway through the day though...

Handy the day is here! Twix time yay! Excited much?

Hello the two jolly's

Waving - MTG going well?

anna doing excellently as usual with irons and dates

trills any updates?

I'm back on the thread after trying to sort my head out regarding math. And I have gained some useful info from STBXH, unbelieveably, re his ex and math. It seems they have been FWB between her seeing STBXH until Math met me. Math said he finished her a year ago . So it seems he's been lying or stbxh is stirring the pot (but I actually don't think he is).

Another thing that I'm about is when we got back to his on our first date a 'friend' was there with the dogs. Turns out this 'friend' is ex of 14 years. Who now lives over the road from him. So these things, along with the bizarre his ex is stbxh ex means I'm done. It is too complicated. I am gutted because last weekend's 48 hour date was brilliant but...sigh!

Hello I'm back !

Date yesterday with Apple, I actually went to his house for dinner and stayed over . It was lovely but something doesn't seem right, I'm not sure if I just don't like him enough. I've arranged to see him again at the weekend though. He admitted his performance was ahem 'chemically enhanced' . He is 9 years older than me. I sort of wish he hadn't admitted it on the first date. I also caught him on tinder after I'd had a shower, I'm not bothered if he's swiping while seeing me as I'm doing the same. But when I'm there?! He just closed his phone down quick saying he was looking at my tinder pics!! (It wasn't my photo I saw!)

I also have Leicester on the back burner until mid May when I can meet him. And there is a possible new iron Marine in the pipeline!

Handy I'm looking forward to news about Twix today.

Waving things sound natural and good with MTG but I agree about getting back to a bit of real life!

Freaky even when you've snared the man there are still loads of things to make you anxious in the early days. I'd be exactly the same as you if my date/iron hadn't texted .

JollyX encouraging to hear about Karmiciron's progress. I'm going to steal that line about how getting texts from the other person makes me feel rather than 'why aren't you texting'.

I can't remember who had the RL date, I'll have to read back but excellent work! I'm in awe.

Welcome to all the new faces and hello everybody else!

Blimey Shame that is complicated. I've learned to walk away too when faced with a potential minefield of crap. It has impending disaster written all over it.

Thanks fox it does doesn't it? I have had enough disaster's to last me a lifetime. Anyway, back on Tinder. Onwards and upwards. I also have my hilarious FWB to cheer me up this weekend too .