Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Yey last

Thanks handy I think I'll go with breezy you're right. Just don't know what to say.

mrsL just bright and breezy, the ok let me know when your free to chat sounds fine? And leaves the ball in his court

Hello all,

Long time lurker and have decided to finally join in, mostly so I can come here for your help on not blowing it out of impatience with someone I've just started seeing. He's really lovely and we had an amazing third date on Saturday; trying very hard not to worry about the fact that since then he's only sent one text late last night and replied very briefly to one from me this afternoon; he was never that much of a texter but things progressed at the wkd and frankly I would have liked him to be texting more. Still only three dates though so I know I need to be patient and play it cool. Would love to see him this weekend but will channel MH and wait for him to ask. Oh and he's A LOT younger that me, which doesn't seem to be an issue for him but we'll see. Will call this one Sherpa (he's into mountaineering).

Looking forward to getting to know you all :-)

Welcome to the thread knowing! You sound like you are doing everything right!

I do know the theory of it having been on 40+ dates over the past three years but still, so hard so keep your cool when you like someone this much

And thank you Last..... and congrats on the new irons!

I'm heading home from my date, he was nice but no chance of romance unfortunately...

Belated loo update: I am home, the date actually went well. He is very anxious about the entire thing -as in life in general - (still not sexy) but I told him he was freaking me out with his expectations and recognized he went too far. So he gets another chance on Friday. And omg the snogging improved so much!

Ocelot I don't know I kind of think that even if the good ones don't take advantage of you they are pretty likely to be turned off by a doormat attitude. That is where I went wrong with Maple I think. I nagged him into a second date and he just played it cooler and cooler. But it is somewhat different from playing games, more like just giving out the "I want you" vibe rather than the "I need you" one.

Scarf it is all ups and downs, your inner doormat is just trying to make its way up to the surface. Just sit hard on your hands until you manage to bury it again I think!

Last I am impressed, you are MHing the crap out of that hot stuff. I say rock on, it bloody works! And hey, don't forget you are the shit (cheers Amy Young)! sorry sweary Tuesday here

MrsLannister my newfound mantra is "if you are not sure what to text, then don't". Easy peasy. He will do the asking out if he is interested/knows his schedule/whatever. Put the ball firmly in his camp, sit back, relax and watch what happens.

Hello knowing, welcome! All normal to feel that way. What is your alternative plan for the weekend if you don't see him? If you don't have any I would ask TBH, in a breezy and "you lucky dude, I am free" way.

Argh Princess, NEXT then

Damm I am a tiny bit drunk. Apologies for typos and strong opinions

handy it's today! Bet you can't wait to eat your bit of twix...

314 it is his loss 100% block and move on, painful now, less so in the long run. You deserve so much better

jolly sounds like a decent date, especially the snogging part roll on date 3...

princess any other irons in the fire? Now to send that awkward no spark text! Personally hate that bit...

waving we all want to be you right now! Your story has been amazing and I love reading your swoons and most perfect updates so for you

Myself I have 2 irons mrfussy who is my MH practice.. He is still messaging away and keen to meet up so I'm going with it but keeping myself emotionally ditatched as I know it won't lead to anything. Still I'm looking forward to meeting him if it actually happens, and seeing what he's actually like in RL! and if I can pull off the cool and aloof when actually faced with his gorgeousness
I also have Peter pan who I'm rather more keen on and hoping to warm up enough to ask me on a date. More potential here, young kids in common, same age, and local. We've been talking since Saturday and getting on well I'd love to meet him but he's not asking....yet!

aknowingsmile welcome! I would echo JollyX's plan and text message. She's amazing at this shit. It's almost impossible to keep calm, but so important. Sherpa sounds very, um, male, so perhaps being light on texts goes with the territory? I think it is important to use how they are in RL as your barometer, but almost impossible not to overthink the in between bits. Because we are women!

last so fantastic to have MrFussy to practice your MH skills on! I love it!!! Enjoy the fun of it!! I think if you can get as much fun out of all this it gives you momentum and positivity and then the universe delivers the rest...

PrincessCimorene oh well... At least the date was nice. Onwards...

JollyX I so admire you for tackling the expectations things this soon in proceedings. Do you think his anxiety might settle down or do you think that's, er, him? In the meantime, Yey for great snogging!!!

314 I'm so sorry the Bear thing ended so brutally. It's very much like Soho. Hurtful and shit. But better that that plaster is ripped off and the would can start to heal. I hate this fecking immature attitude that hanging out for the weekend and chatting and daily texting and swapping book recommendations is not a relationship. In what world is it not a relationship? Sorry, rant over. Massive hugs to you. Lick your wounds and build yourself back up.

waving so happy for you and MTG it sounds lovely! Do you think the seeing him everyday thing might just find its own level? You guys are going at a million miles an hour compared to me and Twix. Ahhhhh, Twix.....

So it's Twix day! I feel strangely very calm considering the 11 day drought. Last night there were load of texts going back and forth. With a bit more disclosing of life stuff. He was lovely and said he is looking forward to chatting about me tonight (oo er) which is lovely. Because he is pretty rural and has an hour commute I'm just going over to his house, he is cooking for me. That's fine by me because it means lots of snogging can happen although the kids are here and I have a babysitter so can't stay the night. And that will kill me! But I'm looking forward to calmly getting to know him a bit more. I feel a lot more sure of myself at the minute. His reaction to my NZ letter really impressed me. So I'm still in the swoon zone but with a lot less Labrador wagging. And I think that's good. It's a slow burn, the me and Twix thing. But definitely progressing I think.

Where is Foxtrot?

Anyone on dates ce soir apart from me??

Morning so i spent last night whats apping my younger iron and stalking on facebook! I am now resisting the temptation to send the first message this morning as i know ge has a day off today. I also said that i was doing a charity 5k on saturday where he lives and he joked he was coming to see me in my tutu then he said it would be a good date!

Hi everyone. My guy text me on Monday evening apologising for not getting in touch, how he had been at work all day and only just got in (he sent it at 11pm) and he's so sorry and he really wants to me still but his shifts are a nightmare.

I replied yesterday saying it's fine and he text again, but since that - nothing! I'm not going to get in touch and I'll leave him to it but I can't work him out! I don't think he would keep texting if he wasn't bothered, but he is so bloody slow. He isn't gaining anything by texting me still, we are from different cities and won't see each other again if we didn't meet again, so god knows.

Harriet if you live in different cities and he works bonkers shifts and that his life is so all-encompassing that he cannot spare the ten seconds it takes to send one text, then it seems to me that this guy is a dud.

If it's gonna work between you and him it will surely take 1) motivation and 2) the ability to plan. It sounds like he has neither? At the moment you are, in effect, accepting crumbs. It also sounds like he spends most of his time apologising for not being in touch. For me that would kill the attraction.

I suspect this guy is not ready for a relationship for whatever reason. He is possibly more comfortable with a penpal at the mo. People behave in ways that meet their needs. He's showing you what he wants. He wants - occasional texting and apologising >>>>> this.....

You're right to sit on your hands at this point. He would be off my list of contenders. I'm sorry.

Good work with your younger iron muddling

waving I totally know what you mean re MTG. It is a tiny worry. If he gets a job soon that'll sort it. All you can do is steadfastly continue with your full Amazing Life. That's the only thing you can control. Words from MTG won't be as important as what he does hereon in. It's great that you've talked about this.

Feels like I'm missing half the story on this thread.

No idea what happened with nanny and gentle. Likewise 314 and bear.
Hope you're both ok.

Have fab days all. Good luck to all on dates.
handy yay is it twix day?
waving I wouldn't let the lack of friends per se worry me. We've all known people who had to relocate and start from scratch and it's tough. London is very hard to break into new groups, people tend to have a network. Until you get a job and then it happens a little easier if you get on with colleagues. I'd be more worried that he lost all the friends in the divorce. What on earth happened?

to everyone else. Am travelling with work off and on over the next week. I came off Happn but let's see what happens with RL irons in new cities

Ok, today's installment of the Bacon wig-out. I messaged him at 6.30am today just to say good morning and ask how he is and he's not read it and so, not replied. This is really not like him, he usually replies promptly and he's around at that time of day...
He's not been online since 9pm last night though, so it's not like he's chatting to other people and ignoring me. So, there could be any number of reasons for this right? He's really busy, broken phone, left his phone at home etc etc.
I am really trying to remain positive and serene about the whole thing but I JUST DON'T LIKE IT!!

Handy TWIX DAY! Wooohoo! I'm also really, really impressed by his reaction to the NZ letter, that's good stuff.

Waving I think your concerns about MTG sound measured and valid (god, I'm pompous today! You know what I mean though) It's such early days that you both need to maintain your own lives and not get too wrapped up in each other.

314 Bear is a shit. An utter shit. I'm really sorry it ended like this.

Waves to everyone else...I'll update later, really should be working!

I've been lurking.
It's been easy for me to channel my inner bitch as I'm feeling grumpy with it all at the moment!

I have a dog walking date with Captain Jack Sparrow on Friday but that won't go anywhere on account of the aforementioned Jeremy Clarkson thing.
Bloodaxe wants to meet for coffee on Saturday but he's put more photos up and he really doesn't look as appealing, so I may just blow him out.

I have other irons including a definite possible called Barn Runner.
I took a break over the weekend then redoubled my efforts this week and I'm back on Tinder, I've got a few conversations going there and a few on POF.

Trouble is, as the first rush of OLD is over I've started to regain my high standards so I'm getting pickier and it's going to be a slog from now on.

And hello knowing

Freaky it will be fine. And breathe.

Morning all and thank you for the warm welcome

Jolly It sounds like your date went better than you expected but I would also find the lack of self assuredness a complete turn off. I'm already in charge of everyone at home 24/7, I don't want to be doing that on dates too and trying to convince someone how much they're worth… confidence is such an aphrodisiac .

Re meeting Sherpa I actually have the DC with me this wkd and I would have to book a sitter which I don't know if he realises it's an option; he might be thinking it's two weeks until we can meet again (which might be a reason for the slow comms too). Still, it would be nice for him to make a passing comment so I can suggest arranging it!

Handy Finally seeing Twix today right? You must be so excited! Do you know what you'll be wearing? Thanks for your advice re Sherpa; in person he's really attentive and caring but can't help thinking he might be instinctively 'testing' my 'neediness' before jumping in a little deeper…. things got very cosy at the weekend, far cosier/comfortable than they would normally be for a standard 3rd date (I think we both realised that) and I read somewhere that guys often, without even realising, act this way …. not sure if this was from MH? Anyway, I'm not doing anything but sitting on my hands for the time being .

Waving It sounds like everything is going amazingly well with MTG; I can't wait to see how it develops into normal life. I wouldn't worry at the moment re you being his only focus; it's only circumstantial. I would pay attention though once he does get a job and see how things develop then; you do want someone who has a life as amazing as yours is .

Last Peter Pan sounds really great…. get dropping some hints re being free at the weekend pronto!!!

Harriet I agree with Handy, that guy is only looking for a penpal and as such I would delete, delete, delete. And next time he messages, I would respond with a 'sorry, who's this?' and promptly block. He's just being rude now and you deserve so much more than this.

Have a great morning everyone!

Anna ....... Barn Runner?!

I'm breathing, I'm breathing!

Funny thing, pathetic sap that I am...I just downloaded an "Ask the Universe" app, as this whole posivitity/LOA has worked with Bacon so far. It's kind of like a magic 8 ball thing, where you think of a question and hit the button and you get a mystical answer. So, I tried it once and got "Don't be concerned", tried again and got "Be patient" OK Universe, I get the message!

It does match up with my gut feeling though, that he WILL respond at some point and there's a reasonable explanation for this silence. I am definitley taking comfort in the fact that he's not been online at all.

Harriet Sorry but I agree with Handy too. It sounds as though there are a few potential obstacles to the two of you working out (kids, distance, work) and unless you are both in 100%, it's just not going to. And it sounds like he's not...

Oh Freaky I so hear you with the freaking and the wigging out. Welcome to my world. Do what ever gets you through, no matter how ridiculous. Hee hee!! let us know when he gets in touch. Notice I said when.

Am I the only one wondering what app it is?