Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Well I never!! My slow fader from weeks ago just text . He saw something and thought of me...

Thanks foxtrot and oh how nice! But really sounds like he was making up an excuse to contact you! Ha ha, he's probably spent all day dreaming up a casual line like that

Hahahaha! Slow fader's been watching MH vids

last and Handy I couldn't believe it!!

I feel I should join again, had a flingette with Mr Journo who I think was only after sex but strangely when I met him once (after SILs birthday night out) he was cross because I was late, didn't text him to say when I'd eaten or when I got there (i think I was pissed off he'd sent me a booty call text a week before!) and then said "why didn't you invite me to your brothers meal (for SIL), I really like you etc". Total head fuckery.

I am in touch with the odd person off OKC nice enough but not nice enough to spark any attraction. Have texted a few off Smooch - same nice enough but not great.

I did go to a lovestruck dating event in a City bar. Now THAT was a revalation, got chatting to an embalmer (good looking seemed nice but a bit boring), then someone who was originally from Portugal but only 30 (I'm 44), lovely man but way under my age limit. There were quite a few men who'd been there before and worked/kept an eye on the room eg introductions, ice breaking etc. my friend got stalked on whatsapp by a man after the event who wouldn't leave her alone!

DrFoxtrot but do you like slow fader enough to give another go, also does it bother you that he may have been "browsing the candy store" in his absence?? Very bad way of phrasing that!

Oh I forgot on another thread I started, my ex fiancé from over 20 years ago a Canadian got in touch but phoned me etc.. But it's not dating as in Internet. Met him through a friend, nice enough man but I realised why I didn't marry him first time round. Ticks all the boxes just not for me.

Thanks for talking me down yesterday everyone! I had some nice messages from Bacon last night and am back to feeling cautiously swoony again today. I think Foxtrot hit the nail on the head with "whatever else he had planned, he's chosen to spend Sat night with me", which is lovely.

314 Go you with your fabulous life! How is the driving going? Sorry, I can't remember if you've had lessons or not...I've been borrowing my mum's car more and loving the freedom it gives me. She's offered to sell it to me and I think I might take her up on it...

last Well, good fucking luck to him if he "only likes blondes" I loved your response to him, perfect!

Foxtrot Are you going to give slowfader a chance?

fox did you reply?
freaky I'm glad you are feeling better, cautiously swoony is perfect. And yes I liked my reply too! He, however did not! Lol

Who else gets messages on okc from french guys? Do you talk to them? Why do they do this!! I have a lovely one sending me music clips, poetry and beautiful messages (quite saucy ones too) it's fun but pointless obviously!

Oh, this is unusually quiet in here!

Fox ghosters come back pretty much 90% of the time if you ignore them IME. They are so predictable it is almost ridiculous. If you do want to give him another shot I would play it really cool and breezy, make him work for it. If he does step up then you will know he is not just bored and playing with you. If not, you can give him a taste of his own medicine and ghost him.

Super so Journo is expecting to meet your family?! I am not sure I recall the story but there is a huge gap between being after sex only and joining a family event!

So date 2 with KarmicIron tonight.. And after last night's convo I am totally off the swooning bench.. I might be turning into a dude but he has started to nag me over my lack of messaging. It is like gender roles have been swapped and omg I see now how terribly needy, insecure and TBH unsexy that is. Lesson learnt, I will never ever do that to a guy again. It also got me thinking about the ways to communicate what you want from someone. If he had said that differently I would have changed my behavior. Like for instance "it makes me happy to see a text from you." Not "oh she lives / how many texts can I send you before I get an answer ? / 20 min? Looks like my complaint with the customer service did work" (translating here, but there was a lot more) Now it just feels like a chore to message him! :(

jolly it IS quiet isn't it? Are most of us just using the FB group do you think?
Interesting findings on the texting and role reversal! Certainly makes you think doesn't it. I agree a man who comes over as even slightly needy is very unsexy..
Where is your date this evening? Will be stalking for updates!

And another interesting lesson learned by me today, if I'm not a doormat and be my usual bitchy self it seems to work better than being overly friendly/accommodating/nice! I sent that shitty message to Mr fussy/lazy last night and ignored his reply and he sent me a very sheepish message just now! I'm.actually shocked because not only was I borderline rude to him but he's extremely hot! I was only having fun messaging him in the first place as he's way out of my league! And again not having any expectations meant my messages were all rather more flippant and cool than usual. So note to self from that!!

It is quiet in here today..maybe everyone is out enjoying the sunshine!

Jollyx Oh boo about Karmic...that is a useful insight though, I am going to remember that line about "it makes me happy to see a text from you".

And also timely reminder about being too needy/Labrador like, which I am totally in danger of with Bacon. Well, maybe not needy but lots of Labrador-style "I really like you" stuff. But to be fair, that's coming from both sides, I'm only really mirroring him. What's the rules on that?! If someone tells you that they really like you and think you are funny/sexy/clever etc, are you supposed to play it cool, or is it OK to say "Yeah, you're not so bad youself!"

I'm just musing, not wigging-out today.

last Treat em mean, keep em keen eh? I've had some great conversations with people when I've known I've not stood a chance for various reasons...makes it more relaxed and I'm more confident and I guess relaxed and confident is attractive!

So odd how that works isn't it freaky? I must be putting out a totally different vibe and for whatever reason he keeps coming back. even though I am most definitely not blonde or local

Hi all,
I have a date tonight - making the most of still being on Easter holidays! Yesterday I was reading online about Bristlr, a site "connecting those with beards to those who want to stroke beards," and signed up just out of curiosity... And now I have a date, he's 12 years older than me and I've no idea how tall but he seems lovely, very gentlemanly... I'm slightly worried he's going to think I'm some sort of beard obsessive weirdo or indeed that could be what he's hoping for

Last I know, right? It must be all that talk about having Amazing Lives - that's great!

The more I date, the more I realize that burying the doormat in you is the key to finding someone decent. Good work on MrFussy! And remember no one is out of your league - everyone has their own taste, if they are after you, they are interested. Their taste, their decision. And treating them like an equal will certainly be a nice change for them if everyone else is putting them on a pedestal. Win-win. MH has a you tube video on "too hot for me" guys.

I am meeting KarmicIron in about 2h in my neighborhood and just booked the restaurant. I plan to address the neediness with 50% reassurance that I like him, 50% threat to fuck off if he doesn't change gears pronto, drop the insecure/needy act and win me over instead of nagging me into a relationship.
Not sure how else to do it..

Is it finito with Journo, Super?

JollyX interesting re KarmicIron - what's all that about? Was he saying it's unreasonable to not reply within 20mins? That's bloody unreasonable if so. those messages would put me off. Where are you off to later? I'll await an update with interest...!!

Yes today is quiet here - probably because I'm not crapping on about Twix as usual! He messaged me this morning while I was replying to the letter from NZ. So I told Twix about it. He was very straightforward about it and didn't go weird about it. Which is good. Am impressed. And that's all I got for today. I'm seeing him TOMORROW!

Sorry! Can't help myself!!!! Haha!!!

Tomorrow Handy! That's sooooo exciting!

I know!!!

It's actually gone quick I think because of the phonecall. The phonecall sorted it.

Freaky the mirroring thing is spot on and to be fair exchanging compliments is completely part of dating. I think you step in the nagging/insecure zone only when you go from "I want you" to "I need you why don't you need me".

Handy double yay on date and secure Twix!!

Thinking about it now, I believe I sensed a hint of neediness from KarmicIron from day 1 and that has made me go in full bitch mode and set up my own needy trap by backing off a bit (told you, I am behaving like a dude ). Result: he dived head first in the trap.

Freaky, my licence was supposed to have come by now and I went on to the website to fill in the on line form (the only way of contacting the bastards, i scoured the website, no tel number) so, i clicked on the option for 'licence delayed' and they got back to me today to confirm that their records show that they did dispatch it on the 22/3 . I can get another free of charge luckily but I've to download another fucking form and fill it all out again (at least this time without all the supporting bits and bobs, ie, proof of eye test, theory test etc, tests, lessons) but I have to take it the police station to get it stamped as lost in post before sending back to them. Forfuxache. I sometimes feel the universe is conspiring against me with driving.
I will get there this time though. I think it will take me a year though. I said on january the first that i wanted to be driving by the summer and that sounded like I was dragging my heels with my goal. ha, if only i knew! i'd be lucky to be behind the wheel by autumn. or christmas.

Sorry for venting! I only just read the email five minutes ago.

JollyXmasJumper well I don't think he was expecting to meet them but was peeved he'd have to meet later and he then eat later... Handy definitely finito it was a bit strange whilst I was there he let me stay whilst he went to work, I snooped a bit and swear a few more condoms were used between stays then the day after my family meal thing we'd met ip had food, sex etc then he left to go to Cotswolds or wherever for work... So I got brekkie etc saw a leaflet lifted it up (in a kitchen bowl type thing) underneath it said to Mrs... And Mr... Confronted him about it turns out it was his mum... He did text me "neither of us behaved at our best" when I texted him last night to say no hard feelings... And we didn't... I think I slightly annoyed him and vice versa.

Now got date with Irish restaurateur this week I think lunch. Seems chatty and fun. Fun isn't what I'm after... But will do a lunch date.

The other week, well I was trialling a new walk down a street to get to Kensington Olympia from where I work (exercise and different route) I bumped into a gorgeous looking man, pin striped suit, dark hair, no ring and he smiled cheekily at me when I apologised. You know you get that feeling and its chemistry... I am almost tempted to wander there again in case.... I bump into him!

Handy Twix seems really nice, all seems to be going swimmingly for you.

Jolly why is karmiciron being needy etc? If he says as Handy said that it's unreasonable not to reply within 20 minutes then I'd be 100% bugger off matey. You don't need that crap so early on.

I had some man whose profile I'd viewed PM me with a PA message saying if I'd viewed his profile and he'd done same why wasn't I replying to him. Err NEXT!

Princess you have made cynical and pissed off (PMT?!) me laugh with the Bristlr site but good luck on the date. Personally beards turn me off no end but each to their own...!

lastnickname have you ever heard of or read the book "why men like bitches?" (Haven't myself but heard about it) well apparently works on the basis that men love bitches or that way. In my view all well and good but not for me! I think the bitch or elusive vibe gives off the "I'm not desparate/I have a life etc" which most men are very keen on rather than "oh yeah you're looking at a million profiles every night on a dating site" desperado vibe!

IToldYou I think mutual keenness is great, but now from experience I'd maybe hold back a tad from complete "I like you etc" only to safeguard and keep that elusive vibe. When you know him better you can gush sweet nothings in his ear all day long!

exchanging compliments is completely part of dating

...will somebody please tell that to Twix??! Many thanks... as you were...

314 re licence

But {om} my. life. is. fabulous

It is. Really.

and this makes it more balusouf