Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Morning everyone

nanny . So sorry to hear that. How you holding up. Well done for still spotting the red flags and having the courage to end it.

handy you're less smitten and that is no bad thing. Take it slowly and see where it leads. Even if you ask him questions and don't like the responses, digest, sleep on them and then make a decision on what the future looks like.

waving welcome back! We've missed you! So glad you had such a fab holiday!

314 so sorry you had a rubbish date. Hugs.

tulip only you know how you feel, it's a hard one for us to advise you on. My view is that stuff like that becomes less and less important the older I get. You can always scrub someone up. If they are honest, loving, caring, turn you on and make you feel amazing then that would be good enough for me...because those are the deep down qualities that makes someone a keeper.
But equally it's not a great sign that you feel like that about someone when you should be on cloud 9. How does he feel about you?

freaky go you and bacon!!!!

fox lol, didn't stay on my bench for long did ya?

Oooo shame I would NOT be happy about that. What does math have to say about it all??

Sorry, tons of people I haven't mentioned. to everyone else.

Here's an article I read over the weekend , has stayed with me so I thought I'd share. What a beautiful story.
mobile.nytimes.com/2015/11/29/fashion/when-cupid-is-a-prying-journalist.html

Just a quick reply as by the time I get home from work this eve I'll struggle to catch up with it all! Even just quickly reading these posts this morning, what jumps out at me is how we have to trust our instincts, inner voice etc. I struggle with that as not sure I trust mine after all the crap of the past few years with an ex I never thought could behave the way he does. I know really clothes aren't that important and I know really I'm not that shallow, so it must be some sort of self protection I think.

How do we know if we're ignoring red flags or trusting and being positive?! Ah who knows. Glad I'm having counselling at the mo, I need to figure these things out.

Sorry my reply isn't more personal but I struggle to view posts on my phone - I need to take notes! Have a good day all, it's Monday, first day back let's do this!!

Thanks handy and sassy I'm actually fine about it all. Because it turns out he was not the person I thought. Too much to go into again (my story is on the Facebook group) but he just wasn't in the right place. Has a lot of ongoing issues. And turned out to be very passive aggressive. I saw a glimpse into the future and ran.

Lovely article Sassy ....even if it induces dangerous thoughts here....!

Oh can I be added back to the fb group? I exited due to the images on there but I want to hear Nannys's story.....

Can somebody bump nanny plum's story on the fb group for me! I don't know what her real name is so I can't find it.

How do we know if we're ignoring red flags or trusting and being positive?! Ah who knows.

This is what I am struggling with today. And in general to be honest.Trying to balance being positive with not being taken for a mug. And trying to be trusting without being naive. And listening to inner voices while also being aware that they are influenced by past experiences.
I am still all smitten and swoony re Bacon but have my sensible head back on this morning and just trying to slow my mind down a little bit. But at the same time enjoying this feeling...it's a tightrope!
Anyway, I've made plans to see a friend at the weekend and also to go to meditation group tomorrow....maintaining My Amazing Life and looking after my mental health are going to be my priorities this week. No more hour long phone calls until after 2nd date...

Handy Perfect text to Twix I think. I hope he calls.

handy PM me with your real name and brief description of you and I will find you on Facebook. I will then send you a friend request then add you to the group.

Hi everyone

I'm at work, but not had a chance to post here. Waving, I didn't see your deleted posts, but I gather it went really well long may it continue.

To update my situation, my FWB-turned-iron spent Saturday evening/night with me, and then at around lunch time on Sunday he called and said he didn't want a relationship, after all. Fuckwit. He is now in no doubt how angry I am with him, and he's been blocked/deleted everywhere.

I've been chatting with penpal iron, who I shall call Devon, who has been really ill, but is now recovered and talking about meeting up. I also have SA lined up - think he might be more of a casual/FWB thing, but I have a vacancy .... !

Past experiences definitely colour the way we react to things - there was an earlier discussion about alcohol-free dates. My ex was an EA alcoholic - I feel very uneasy around people who drink heavily for that reason, and I prefer a daytime, alcohol free date for a first date. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, or to relax, and I don't want a relationship with someone who does. That's one of my hard lines, it does not get crossed. I do drink myself, I'm not a teetotaller, and I don't judge people who drink when I'm not drinking. But I have to protect myself from ever having that sort of relationship again.

Yoga tonight - I've really enjoyed it. Trying hard to have a fabulous life Hopefully will get to catch up more later.

Hi Waving I'm busy busy - been to some ace gigs & more coming up - though mostly substituting tennis for men as so much more rewarding in terms of time/effort plus fresh air! There were a few men I was chatting to on pof & tinder but I couldn't summon any enthusiasm.... & the disappeared anyway... mercifully!

I still feel just the same about M ... even the more enlightened I get... :(

Tee-hee, my Amazing Life plans are just meeting up with a single mum friend to take the kids to the park at the weekend so not exactly Amazing I suppose BUT I do think it's so important to keep busy and sociable with things other than dating, and to maintain all those other relationships in your life.

Ocelot Your life sounds much more Amazing with your gigs and tennis. Keep on keeping on and M will be a distant memory one day...

Hello all - loads to catch up with - great news for some, sorry to hear things aren't so good for others. And lovely to see the happy swooning people!

I'm having a major wobble. Things have been so good with date-man (still can't think of a name) - 3rd date went well, 4th already arranged for the weekend, lots of lovely texts and chat in between. BUT - I'm not sure if it's me being paranoid, but I've just sensed a very slight withdrawal in the past 24 hours. Barely perceptible, but a slight slowing of text replies and slightly "cooler" messages. And now my paranoia has kicked in big time. I had already been worried that it was too good to be true, and wondered if he was a love-bomber, and now I'm getting seriously worried.
Should I carry on as we have been, and act as if nothing has changed? Or should I back off a bit? Of course I'm desperate to "test" him with nice texts to see if he responds as he would have done a few days ago, but I know that would be stupid so I won't do that.
I'm working from home today so can't even distract myself very effectively.

Aarrgghhh why can't I stay grounded and keep this in perspective?!

Jollyp carry on being yourself with him & doing all the other amazing things in yr life.... Be vigilant but don't give in to paranoia from something from yr past ... You may be right about slight withdrawal or he may be a bit busy/preoccupied with something unrelated...

It's hard to make your life fantastic when you have children that still need a babysitter every time you go out. But I'm trying to channel fantastic life, fantastic life, fantastic life...........

Freaky, yes, ''fantastic'' might be a tall order but it's important to me to
have a really tidy house !!
to exercise at least four times a week
to stay in touch with friends
I need a hobby. A place I go to each week, not certain who'll be there because it's not MY friends, it's my hobby. hmm.

Yeah, it is harder but I still manage to have more hobbies than Bacon (childless)! Although he goes to the gym more, so swings and roundabouts I suppose.

When I was with ExP, I did NOTHING. I had the odd night out with old friends, or work colleagues but no hobbies outside the home as such, so I have really tried, especially recently to make sure I have plenty on the go. My mum's willing and able to babysit often so I should and do make the most of it. And forget about the tidy house...

I go to choir. It's a sort of therapy and hobby all in one!

I agree the Amazing Life is as much about the mindset. About being positive and focused and happy, and having balance as much as possible.

Yes, I often feel like things are all sewn up and then a man says "so, what, you don't ...... drive ??" and then that external perspective makes me doubt that my life is amazing!

But to channel harry for a moment, "really, I have it good! I do. I'm lucky"

A choir would be nice, I like music. I used to be in one years ago and I loved it.

Ah, can't keep up with everything.

So I had a confidence wobble about my planned date with CurlyMuso on Sunday and cancelled on him. In the meantime we rearranged for next Saturday night and had some lovely chat and I've become more keen on him than I thought I was to start with. Outfit planned, ex looking after kids, no cancelling this time.....

Now to catch up...

Twix just called me on his way home from work. It was actually lovely to speak to him and he was very lovely and sounded very enthusiastic, and wanted to firm up plans for Wednesday. We had a nice ole chat for ten mins which is pretty good considering he was on the motorway on his Bluetooth thingy.

Very nice

Not getting too swoony. Just a tiny bit. Feeling optimistic....

Ah tanya he looks LUSH!! I would so steal him if you don't want him. Except that he's too young really and prob lives nowhere near either hahaha! Why did you wobble? Am glad you've rescheduled and got everything in place.

Ahahahahah, Handy! He's younger than me (only by months though!). I don't know why I wobbled, it's been a difficult few months and my self confidence has taken a few knocks because of being out of work etc, I've put on a fair bit of weight, and sometimes I find it difficult to believe that a youngish, interesting, attractive man would genuinely be interested in a frankly knackered ageing mum. Then, like I said, I had words with myself and reminded myself that there's plenty he should like, we have tons in common, and my worth isn't in my waistline.....