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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

999 replies

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 06/04/2016 14:33

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.
OP posts:
Tanito279 · 10/04/2016 20:40

Just checking in to re-read rule 14.

muddlingalongquitenicely · 10/04/2016 21:01

Just had a message from lion bloke who sent me the dance youtube clip. He hasnt messaged me in over 2 weeks (i think) then out the blue he is asking if im having a good sunday!
In other news been chatting to someone who is 9 years older than me (very good conversations actually) but im sure i read somewhere he is using a fake picture/name until he is ready to send a picture to someone. This makes me a bit worried.
I have sent a total of 6 messages this weekend and had a couple of replies Grin

DrFoxtrot · 10/04/2016 21:39

I said I was having a break but I have accidentally acquired two irons Grin. Unexpected and I'm not sure if they'll come to anything but worth a go!

Leicester has turned from flirty banter to discussing a possible date. It would be good to meet and if there's chemistry I might consider a longer distance relationship. He's going to get back to me with possible days, or so he says (it's all BS until it happens). Handy my other iron does have his shit together, he seems so grown up and I'm wondering if he's not relaxed enough for me. I'll call him Apple. He's phoning me in about 30 mins Shock which is fast moving but I need to assess the spark! I agree with Waving you need to be having some sort of conversation with Twix to get some of the answers or reassurance you need.

Shame what a situation but Rae is right, try not to allow your ties and feelings surrounding STBXH colour what's happening with Math. Your date lasted well over 24hrs! There's got to be something good there!

Freaky I think you've handled the whole Bacon thing perfectly, I'm impressed. I think all the positivity has rubbed off on me as I'm not hooked on irons that are going nowhere (Crumpet who?) and I'm feeling relaxed about the lack of irons. Or so I thought! I se to have two!

HandyWoman · 10/04/2016 21:45

Just read the baggage reclaim post about guys who are lazy/indirect with communication and always text but never call. According to Natalie Lue it's a symptom of being emotionally unavailable and not in with both feet.

NotTodayDear · 10/04/2016 21:52

I don't think the not phoning thing necessarily means anything bad. I hate phone calls, don't do them apart from work ones and immediate family. It doesn't mean I'm emotionally unavailable at all, just that I prefer to meet in person or text. Phoning is difficult as a lot of the time I'm either working, with the kids or knackered, and I feel very much put on the spot and under pressure to be entertaining and fun when probably all I'm fit for is watching crappy telly in a vacant fashion.

mmmkayyyy · 10/04/2016 21:57

Haven't met him yet. He offered to go out the other day but I had plans with family so had to say no and he hasn't asked since! I'm totally overinvested and I know it. Sad sad sad.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 10/04/2016 22:03

OMG, an hour and a half conversation, on the actual phone! And date no 2 secured for next Sat. And he called me darlin' twice. Grin We talked a bit about last night and agreed that we both felt that it went pretty much perfectly and neither felt any awkwardness though he did say at the start he knew he was talking too much...Grin And he's just respectful and lovely. And said he's not been on any dates for ages. And that he wished I lived closer but doesn't see the distance as being an issue. He's coming here again for date 2.

Foxtrot Yay for your irons! Hope your call is going well.
I do kind of agree that I've handled things with Bacon well, certainly with regards the whole cancelled date/going back to Ireland thing but also I really feel like things haven't needed to be "handled" Last night, I didn't have to remind myself of any of the MH stuff cos it just felt so natural to do eye contact and open body language etc cos we were getting on and attracted to each other. And he

I'm gone. I'm a lost cause. Totally smitten. Countdown to date no 2 starts now....

Handy You have so got your shit together. I'm really impressed by how well you can read yourself and the situation. God sorry, that sounds patronising, it's really not meant to...Blush You do really need to talk to him though, lay it all out there...

OP posts:
Tuliptime · 10/04/2016 22:06

Forgive me for diving in on a selfish basis with a question when I'm an old lurker and haven't actually been on here for a while, but know that if anyone can answer this for me, you wise ladies can!! I was on my own for over a year, well adjusted with it, I think, a few real life dating let downs and ready to admit that actually I did enjoy the dating and was ready to get back out there. So I decided to try online and met someone online just over a month ago, had been chatting to him for a month regularly before that. He's the only person I've talked to online. So here's the thing - and I feel quite shallow saying it.....

If I'd have met him in a bar, I wouldn't have given him a second glance. He's quite scruffy, not in shape at all either (god I feel shallow saying this!) However, we get on brilliantly and its all extremely passionate at the moment. Loads of funny messages, good banter, great sex, he seems a good decent man. But!! He lives further away than I'd like and due to our situations with our children not sure there could ever be a future in it. Am I wrong to carry it on? Is it really shallow to care about how he dresses? Or embrace the fact that online dating helps you connect with people in different ways? Am I making sense?!

Appreciate any thoughts, guess I'm confused as this is the first person I've really had anything meaningful with since my separation and I was married for a long time. He's so not what I had would have picked out for myself. But just re read this post, and realise how shallow it sounds. Maybe it's a form of self protection, convince myself that it's not good....

Apologies again for the self indulgent post. Have really enjoyed trying to catch up on the thread, there's some promising things developing.... Thanks all :)

JustEat314 · 10/04/2016 22:29

Sorry to report this but I feel a bit deflated. That was bad. That was worse than the pilot. This guy was tall and handsome and in some ways, he was nice but he was also creepy. He spoke so quietly I couldn't hear him. the restaurant was lovely. He's a classy, educated, privileged, wealthy man, but he is a bit creepy. We'd only just sat down at the table and he tried to kiss me. I said "too forward". I dunno. I don't know if I'm being harsh or not.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 10/04/2016 22:33

Oh boo! Creepy is not good at all. Sorry

OP posts:
Tuliptime · 10/04/2016 22:36

Definitely not being harsh. Going in for a kiss that quick and that publicly?! Nah!! I'd feel the same as you and think a lot of people would.

HandyWoman · 10/04/2016 22:36

Oh 314 what a shame Sad he sounds a bit odd... and kinda awkward? I'm sorry it was rubbish. Did he try and kiss you at the end, too?

tulip I know exactly what you mean, when you start things off by messaging online you can deffo end up with people who you wouldn't have given a second thought to. I think that's kinda cool!

Freaky that's all amazing! Am smitten with your smittenness... Smile

Foxtrot accidental irons. The best sort! Yey!!

JustEat314 · 10/04/2016 22:40

I am a bit deflated that my gypsy intuition let me down there. I always sense these things and I did not see that coming.

HandyWoman · 10/04/2016 22:44

Oh bummocks, 314 just think - if you'd have suspected and gone anyway - that would be worse?

Cake and Wine for you

JustEat314 · 10/04/2016 22:45

Wow Handy. Heavy stuff. i await your next update. will you 'push' things gently from now on, with the knowledge that if asking for what you want brings the end about quicker, so be it?

I'm currently reading ''mr unavailable and the fall back girl''. The only iron I want is bear, and although I'm not in love with him or pining for him, it feels right with him so I'm trying to get through this book and sort myself out.

HandyWoman · 10/04/2016 22:48

I will, 314 I will push the issue and be a bit braver. I'm not sure what to make of Twix, really, I need to make real progress. Or bail. Gulp.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 10/04/2016 22:52

Give him a chance before you bail Handy.

OP posts:
HandyWoman · 10/04/2016 22:55

I will give him a chance, e.g. If he is genuinely shy that's cool. I just need to know how to play it, and at the moment I don't know what the issue is. I don't know where I stand.

We are texting now, I feel a bit less smitten with him. And that's probably no bad thing.

RaeofSun · 10/04/2016 23:46

Oh I feel,like tulip a bit. Just chatted with someone I've been messaging with and I don't like his voice. And although he's a trained musician and a music teacher is working in bet Fred. And likes it. And I am totally anti gambling (family issue) and think the recent acceptance in our high streets is so bad. Ingress that's waybills good to chat to them!

Thanks who told me to share mobile. Another off the list! Back to me and the dogs lol

RaeofSun · 10/04/2016 23:48

Why does auto correct change perfectly sane and logical words into drivel ?! ** I guess that's why it's always good to chat to them ...

WavingNotDrowning · 11/04/2016 06:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandyWoman · 11/04/2016 07:02

So last thing at night Twix text me goodnight. In my reply, before signing off I said,'call me tomorrow, if you can, I like to hear your dulcet tones'.

I'm turning this ship around and just communicating the standard, as it were.

Rae I liked 'Ingress of Waybills' but agree you are better off with just your dogs than him.

Now let's see what he does...

HandyWoman · 11/04/2016 07:09

I actually said 'I like to hear your dulcet tones intermittently'

So lessee....

NannysPlums · 11/04/2016 07:21

Hey guys.

Long time no post.

It ended with me and Gentle on Saturday.

Turns out he didn't have his shit together emotionally. And other stuff. I ignored some red flags early on I think. Lesson learned.

Handy think, breathe and communicate. You may be having doubts because of the past. Or you may be having doubts for a reason. I just bailed because I asked some pretty direct questions. And got alarming responses.

HandyWoman · 11/04/2016 07:31

Thanks so much and OMG Nannys I'm really so sorry to hear that. What happened? What do you think you ignored? What were the responses? This is what I'm afraid of with Twix.

Cake and Flowers and Brew for you lovely. You must be very upset. Hugs Nannys