Jump right in! It's Dating Thread 102

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Morning all, happy weekend. Well as it's Saturday that can only mean one thing..... Bacon date day!! We're all going to be refreshing and stalking for updates tonight!
All my irons totally faded out, 2 from Tinder came to nothing, and my 2 from POF have also fizzled out, partly my doing. So back to the frantic swiping stoking trying to get a few decent irons in the hope of getting ONE date by thread end!
Woke up to a couple of new Tinder matches so I sent both breezy and friendly good morning messages. Hopefully at least one will actually write back! Anyone else on dates today?

Date 3 was lovely and I'm a bit smitten now, so I hope I don't get brought down to earth with a bump! Our next date is in a week, which will feel like a very long time. This is the man who I didn't fancy at all on the first date, but now I can't keep my hands off him. I'll never understand my own mixed up brain!

Ooh jollyp which iron was this again? Where did you go, anywhere nice?

Oh that's good jollyp! And just goes to show that attraction can grow, even if not there on the first date. I hope your week flies by!

Yep, it's Bacon day! I am excited but glad of all the timely reminders up thread about it all being bullshit until it actually happens...I am also glad that I have a busy day today, but also plenty of time for beautifying before I go out!

handy that is lovely! Well done you and him!

waving should be back right? All loved up.

freaky omg! THE date is here, what time are you meeting?

anna I know I shouldn't but am laughing at your date.

harriet trust me on this. Delete his details and see if he bubbles up.

velour welcome back

jollyp so did you have / broach the exclusivity chat? Does this one get a name yet?

mmmmm welcome. I would not date anyone who bad mouthed their ex. At all.

to rest of fast moving thread! Happy Saturday all!

Re the first date being minus alcohol, I'm actually starting to see the benefits of it and prefer it. You're more likely to spot red flags and not do date 2. I prefer to keep my guard up now so my default is a coffee

Also I've found something v interesting about married friends and OLD. Some don't want to know because they are envious, not all but some. Not in a horrible way but if they are in a mid/ long term relationship/ marriage then they don't want to hear about our random dates/ snogging and the rest. Because whilst we are having epic ups and downs let's face it, it's also great fun. I'm not going to lie, I LOVE the fact that after years of mediocre/ non existent sex I am free to do what I wish and with whom I wish. .

My update. I'm still off the apps. Am going to focus on RL.
Fun night out with friends tonight.
tree2 is on Monday evening. He's a friend I know in RL but utterly swoonsome....
french hasn't asked me out but we're both due to be in the same place on Wednesday evening so will see one another albeit fleetingly
Plus I have a new iron realthing another man I know from RL. Amazing person, funny, handsome...just off the charts hot. We've been eyeing one another from afar since I separated from my ex. He messaged me yesterday totally out of the blue. I'm not sure if I'm in the friend zone, but will work hard to ensure I'm not!!!!

Who aside from freaky is dating today?

freaky what are you wearing? Where are you going? #noseymuch

And where is waving??...

Hi, I thought I would introduce myself.

I have been on POF for about 2 weeks and have my first coffee date this morning. I am also chatting to a few others although no other plans to meet up.

I have been separated/divorced for over 10 years and had a very happy single life for all those years. I met someone in RL in the middle of last year. Although we get on really well he doesn't want the same relationship I want so we split about a month ago. He is basically emotionally unavailable.

I have never done online dating before so this meeting is a first for me. I will call this iron Mr Amdram. There is another chap I am chatting to and I realised in his last message to me that I know the wife of one of his business partners . I mentioned this so I will wait to see if he gets back to me.

I think I lose a lot of potential irons as I am not very good at banter.

Ooh Yey welcome callow and hope the coffee date goes well. You sound like you're in a good place for all of this.

jollyp that's bloody brilliant! Just goes to show that yes, the attraction can grow! You feeling a bit more comfortable about him now? Come join me on the pining bench.

Freaky it sounds like you're all set up for a good day and a great evening. What are you wearing?

Keep going with the swiping last

sassy I love your RL irons and your amazing life. Sounds like plenty to keep you going - what fun indeed! And I SO agree with you people must on some level envy the braveness and the freedom we are enjoying. Quite honestly I've never been so happy in my life.... Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to extricate yourself from the friend zone with Realthing.... off you go now...

harriet I kind of agree with sassy you could get your power back by deleting his details.

Still child free. Contemplating going for a run then to London to mooch around the Tate. Just because I can. Twix will not be at all envious, oh no. It will not make him tighten up the laces on his moose hunting boots.... Or will it...

Happy Saturday all!!

Will catch up properly later, after tea, but just quickly, ocelot glad the gig went well and glad you will have back up by your side if you see mbin two weeks

He never replied last night, despite sending some long texts yesterday which made me think he knew I was annoyed about the lack of texting. It's not as though I replied late. I'm not going to speak to him this weekend now and see if he appears. His texts still sound keen, he's just ignorant with replies!

Outfit will be dark skinnies, bargain pink brogues and a choice of a couple of tops. Need to do a trying on session later!

Harriet, he's not exactly giving you a warm feeling is he? Sorry to say but I think you should delete him and move on.

Morning everyone! Very excited for the Bacon date later, have a brilliant time Freaky.

JollyP I'm so pleased date 3 went well, did you broach exclusivity or decide it was too soon?

Sassy your real life efforts sound really good, I live in a fairly isolated area and it would take major effort for me to even start finding irons in real life. It is such slim pickings round here.

Harriet get distracted and find new irons to focus on. A similar thing happened with my slow fader several weeks ago. He seemed keen still but the texts became fewer and further between. The only thing that helped was getting back to tinder and getting more interest fired up.

My semi-iron Figment has sent a good morning message today. Last night was a flurry of flirty banter. Something seems a little off, I'm wondering if he's attached or maybe my skin is so thick now I'm questioning everything. I've no info to stalk on yet...

Freaky Eeek it's date day! I'm excited for you because I have to get my kicks somewhere you have to post a pic of your bacon outfit on the FB page for us all to nosy at.

Harriet forget him and move on. He's either married/attached or just not that bothered. I'm sorry to be harsh but his delayed replies speak volumes. When you like someone you are excited to text back quickly. I have a child and when someone has got under my skin I practically have my phone glued to my hand.

So I have completely failed to get any irons. I've not really posted here much so I don't know if anyone will remember but I had matched with a guy from work and we messaged a bit then he just stopped replying. Well I saw him for the first time again on Monday there and he started messaging me again. And then stopped replying by Wednesday. Again. I can't figure him out at all, why message again if he's not interested?! My friend read my messages and said it seemed like he was trying to be flirty and I was shutting him down but that's probably cos I was conscious that he might disappear again and didn't want to seem too into him (which I am. Massively overinvested). I also feel like I messed it up cos I was quiet around him. Should have been funnier.

Basically what do I do next? I probably won't see him at work again for a couple of months at least. I think I have three options. 1) add on Facebook and unmatch on tinder 2) add on Facebook but don't unmatch 3) message him again and just make some joke about him ignoring me. Or 4) just ignore him back and save my dignity but I feel like I should take a chance and see.

Good morning, everyone!

As a vegetarian, I never thought I'd be so excited about Bacon!

ashmts, that's a tricky situation, especially as you work with him and obviously really like him. I'm not on Tinder or Facebook, so probably not the best person to suggest what you should do with those. It's so confusing, as you don't know if he stopped replying cos he thought you weren't interested or if he's maybe a bit of a player.

Foxtrot, I wonder if you can try to get a bit of info on Figment which would let you stalk him?

Harriet, I'm not sure what to think. I saw someone for a while who'd take ages to reply to texts, but seemed keen when he saw me. Do you get the feeling he genuinely likes you but is busy/crap at replying to texts, or do you think he's messing you around? Either way, I agree with the advice to step back a bit. And ultimately, even if he is genuinely into you, it might be that you're not suited if frequent communication is important to you (which is what happened with me and Walt).

Hello ashmts that's difficult, your friend could be right. Before you do anything, have a look at Matthew Hussey (MH), he has a blog and videos on YouTube with advice on talking to men and how they think. I would ignore for now, live your amazing busy life and read up on MH. If he's keen he'll be back.

Goldfish I will be hoping later to gather info and see if he will qualify as a proper iron! I may have another iron on the horizon but I'm not sure if physically I'm that attracted to him but I liked his profile description. So worth a go maybe!

Gold the thing is, I know he is really busy at work and such and I do believe him when he apologises for not replying - but then the other part of me thinks it takes two minutes! He does seem keen when we speak, asking questions and so on and says he would like to see me again. He said he rarely gets to spend much time with his child so he's really enjoyed it this week and that's why he's been so busy. I do beleive him, but the paranoid side of my brain has its doubts! The lack of communication wouldn't bother me as such if I knew where I stood. I'm going to listen to you lovely ladies though and back off and see if he comes back. It's just a shame as I really like him! Which I feel silly about as I've only known him 6 weeks and met him twice!

Freaky are you alright!? This countdown has been a crazy long time coming :o

what are you wearing?!

I'm giving this thought for tomorrow myself... I have this fitted 3/4 length sleeve maroon jumper, its shoulders are sort of pin-tucked, 40s style, it gets compliments from female friends but maybe I should throw caution to the wind and be a bit risque, and wear the forest green massimo dutti top again, with the slit at the front............ hmm!

ocelot made me reconnect with this iron. So ocelot, it's nice to have a new iron briefly even if it's one date and then goodbye and good luck. I'm glad that teacher iron is still communicating, and it's good to have a new potential iron in the offfing!

Harriet, this one is for you.

Handy, I was thinking of going to the Tate today! But now meeting a friend for lunch instead. We could have mooched round together while you swooned about Twix.

Hello, callow. I hope your coffee date with Mr Amdram goes well. Let us know!

Sassy, I'm in awe of your real life irons.

Jollyp, that's great news!

Ocelot, glad you enjoyed the gig. I'm like you - I love music and really want to meet someone who's into it too. What kind of stuff do you like? (No worries if you'd rather not say on here)

My irons are now:
Mr Familiar - one of the things I liked about him was that he was into music, but it's become apparent that there's little overlap in the stuff we like, so unsure whether to continue with him.

Mr Scary - he seems keen, but I'm not, and not sure how to politely say I don't want to meet up. He's done nothing wrong, so I feel bad.

Mr Fetish - we're chatting away like old friends, but don't think we could be more than that.

Pingu - seem to have quite a lot in common, and he's suggested meeting up, so he's probably my top iron right now.

Harriet your story is almost exactly the same as my slow fader who eventually has just faded away completely . I hope he is just busy but start distracting yourself then either way it will be ok. If he is on a disappearing slippery slope then you will have started to move on. If not he will be back and chatty again.

fox it's such bad timing, I'm on call the next two weekends and most weeknights so I literally have no plans. And I'm waiting for the phone to ring for work so I can't even ignore it and forget about the whole messaging saga. I watched some MH videos this morning, wish I had done that before our conversations earlier in the week. Feel like I've missed my chance. Part of me's like 'what do I have to lose, should just message him and find out once and for all' and the other part's thinking maybe if I go slowly he'll come round. But then I'm just waiting on him and I don't want to give him that power, maybe I'd be better moving on.

ashmt my job also involves oncalls. You have my sympathies. If you message him make sure it's not just yet, wait a bit and then send something breezy along the lines of 'saw this and it made me think of you' then sit on your hands for ever.

Goldfish we could have had our own date! Haha!! Non overlap of music tastes is a no biggie for me. It's the big stuff that matters. Not your music collections.

Twix says he is 'impressed' with my plans for today... I called him again but his phone was off. I feel good about where we're at today

Right, time to get on a train.

Morning yes I know it's afternoon

I'm on my phone so I can't name check everyone, except to say it's Bacon date night. With fewer than 7 hours to go you'll be wanting to start getting ready now freaky.

I've got my not-date tonight with SirVan. Except that now I think it is a date. Oh well.