FreeMo - Part 3

[AngryMo]

New Fred

Agreeing with everyone to say don't engage he is only looking to swat your reasons away. I'd fall back on the obvious response of 'that's not what I want'. You won't ever win but you could have the best revenge by enjoying the rest of you life.

Thinking of you and wishing you the very very best.

Would be very happy to contribute to a Free Mo fund. Does anyone know how it could be done?

Love that you blocked him!!

Oh, he understands your contribution, but he discounts it. The only value he sees is quantifiable by money, and nothing else matters. The idea that you add quality, not just to his life, but to the lives of his children, is irrelevant as it brings in no money. If you were to bill him for your services, he would simply look around to get those services more cheaply. He assumed 'wife' was cheapest option, and less trouble as wife would be there forever and he wouldn't have to worry about training up new staff etc.

He holds this view for the simple reason that it makes him more powerful. If the situation were reversed and you the earner, he the SAHD, then of course the most important contribution would be the qualitative one, and money provision would be irrelevant in comparison.

This is a man who has to win. Whatever the fight, he has to win, and there are no holds barred.

KOKO, Mo. Could you have your parents stay the week he's back? You could bunk up with one of the children. Don't know whether that's even worth thinking about.

It's truly laughable, he doesn't get that until you gave up work that you funded everything for the DC without him contributing.

Take away the mortgage contributions (which after all is a debt repayment on an investment) how much is really funding - bet it is less than the average take home pay.

Just thinking back to your reaction to his reply. Mo, please don't beat yourself up about it. You had to give it a try.

It's easy for us (esp those who have been there) to predict exactly what we did, but it's not our life this time, it's yours. I can guarantee, none of us are saying or even thinking anything along the lines of "stupid Mo, tried to explain..."

You felt you had to try.

I often quote my grandfather at a time like this: "the only truly failed experiment is that from which you have learnt nothing".

Don't waste another iota of energy beating yourself up. Just move swiftly to the next stage of your journey. And we'll be with you, of course!

The money he says he is sending for me, the kids and the house...we all know what we get, the mortgage is less than 1k so the rest he's talking about apart from bills is things like repaying his stupid selfish (because I didn't agree) choices on our stupid fucking kitchen! He chose the most expensive x and y, I said I didn't agree yet now he's including that in his punishment of me as well????
So he wants the most expensive stuff, yet I have to pay for it even if I don't want it.

Just venting again

And I should be grateful. For things I don't want.

I need a break from thinking about this, even for bloody half an hour.

Take a break. Step back and breathe. Maybe download the free Headspace app?

Mo,

When our next door neighbour died in an horrific accident, her husband worked out how much she saved him by not working. Childcare, cleaning' housekeeping etc. it was about £16 k pa even then. Add on tax and you are looking at substantial pre tax earnings you would have to make. I suggest you do the sum and have it up your back pocket for later use.

The other point is about disposable income, is after debts etc. I suggest you work out two sums, if you can ( and if you can't that is further evidence of f.a.)

Disposable income after paying mortgage and usual bills
Disposable income after OH's extravagánt purchases etc

It might be, doesn't sound like it, that he is providing you with the maximum he can after the second, it certainly doesn't sound like the first.

I am suggesting you do this in part to give you something to do that is analytic as well as useful evidence, because to deal with this person you must be in the fridge corner. Fridges remained chilled until they expire and then can be used for knock out blows....

You've given him your reason, now you don't have to explain yourself to him again, even if he doesn't "understand". He's so fucking predictable, you knew he would never admit to any wrongdoing. Perhaps that's for the best as it reinforces your desire to separate from him.
Good luck Mo, you can and will be free of this man, and you and your children will be better off for it.

Don't forget you need to update your Will so that your share of the house goes direct to your DC and not to him.

Fffff Wsw. Bm🍩

Hehe sorry, had stuck phone down bosom while transferring from bed to chair!

Akire that doughnut emoji has got me salavating

dam you PMS

In awe of Akire doing a doughnut with her boob!

:)

Hang on in there Mo. He's a twat and is missing the point on purpose about why you want to leave him and why what he does is financial abuse.

I worry what he will be like when he gets home though, make sure you have that backup plan.

I just told my husband all about your story and with a confused look on his face he just said "what's his fucking problem?!" Followed up with "if you told me you were leaving I'd swim home if it meant there was a chance I could change your mind"

I thought that, Arrowfan, surely if he wanted to save the marriage he'd be on the first plane home, in lieu of a derisory email that pegged his contribution to the "national average"!

(((hugs))), Mo, think you've started a trend (see "where can I get the strength to end it?" on Relationships

FreeMo and whole packet of chocolate digestives for next time you are passing through.

I've just found your threads, AngryMo. I'm so impressed with the strength you are showing. It has really helped me to read all this because it almost sounds like we are both preparing for the same P to come "home". I love all the support the Freemo campaigners are giving. I will be lurking and learning and cheering you on!

support for you too Surfer !

Thank you mix! My P has been away 2 years and has bought the sports car, but the family car was off the road and there was no money to fix it. Very similar indeed. Sends me a fairly large sum each month but that is nearly all required for the mortgage and so very little left for living on.

Apologies for skipping all the new messages (which I will catch up on later) but just to say: what a difference a good solicitor can make! I just saw a different one and oh my, what a woman, what fantastic advice. She's given me clear, direct no-nonsense direction - an all for free in a half hour session. I know if I end up making a schedule 1 application she would get me everything I need.

Feeling greeeeeeeeeeat!!!!!

On to step 1...

YAY, great news, thank goodness you found a SHL !