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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

FreeMo - Part 3

979 replies

AngryMo · 29/03/2016 13:54

New Fred Grin

OP posts:
mix56 · 23/04/2016 23:31

Of course the criticism re kitchen & accusations re food are not genuine, its EA....
Same old, Same old. I think the only response, would be "Tosser"
Sorry you are feeling he's so unhinged that you need to get all the kids in with you, (& lock the door ?)
Good re police. I think it would do him good to see the police at your door.
I also was considering him being on the Aspie spectrum, but avoided mentioning it as its all hypothetical & changes nothing.
Mo, KOKO, one day at a time, one hour at a time.... You will work through this.

Bogeyface · 23/04/2016 23:34

Mo's Maggot is a crap-filled cowardly canker carefully creating catastrophic calamity causing career and cash collapse

Atenco · 23/04/2016 23:44

Oh Mo, glad you have the children in with you. When it comes the kids, better safe than sorry.

Stormsurfer · 23/04/2016 23:46

Go bogeyface!

Mo's maggot is a dense,deceitful, dispicable, domineering, dickhead

OvertiredandConfused · 24/04/2016 07:04

Morning Mo. De-lurking to say I hope you and your DC got some sleep and that all goes well this morning with the police. You're doing so well, I'm in awe

AngryMo · 24/04/2016 07:06

Thank you. I'm up and ready to go...hopefully it will be after the kids have had breakfast so doesn't appear odd taking them out of the house.

OP posts:
Stormsurfer · 24/04/2016 08:18

Thinking of you mo. KOKO.

Joysmum · 24/04/2016 08:35

Great plan, hope you and the kids have a good day.

AngryMo · 24/04/2016 08:35

They rang me but I accidentally cancelled the call because it's not my phone and I didn't know what I was doing! Rang them back but torture now waiting for them to ring back.
He's with the kids and planning to take one of them out later (I knew about that before) so I think they'll be fine with him until I get back.
Ring dammit, ring...

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 24/04/2016 08:44

Just read the updates from yesterday evening.

Glad to read that you called the police, his behaviour really is not normal....who goes through cupboards checking labels Ffs, but only buys food for himself Angry...who does that!

Listen to your instincts.

Will he be working whilst he is here (I mean going into an office) at all? Hoping he will do, as this would reduce his outbursts.

tribpot · 24/04/2016 08:45

I guess you don't know how long you'll be at the station. I'm not sure I'd risk leaving the two with him that he isn't taking out, because if you don't get back before he wants to go he will no doubt create havoc about why you're not there to fulfil your primary duty of his childminder. On the other hand, this might be useful if it actually happens in front of the police. But if it kicked off whilst you were still waiting at the station before you'd spoken to them, you might lose your nerve and go home.

mix56 · 24/04/2016 09:33

Did he say anything about the "camping" situation?

Just to add, I think if he is taking out DC2, (older one other plans? younger too young?) he should take them all out together at some point so that they don't feel favouritism, & he gets the whole effect of occupying & being responsible for of 3 children all day !!! give them orange smarties before they go
Make a list of things he must buy so that he can vet the list & see the prices, so no nitpicking while he is absent

notapizzaeater · 24/04/2016 10:10

I bet if he needs to ring you about it your phone will "miraculously" be fixed !

mix56 · 24/04/2016 10:24

can't you call your operator & ask if there is a problem with the line ? if it's in his name, get someone with a male voice to call, have his DOB, email & address written down to pass the confirmation process.

BertmacklinFBI · 24/04/2016 10:27

Mo I'm asking because I'm genuinely worried for you. What is the plan here moving forward? How are you going to separate? Are you going to get your own place? You can't live like this with him ?
I think this needs to happen asap surely?

AngryMo · 24/04/2016 10:27

All ok. Kids with friend. He's gone to sort out phones. I'm in the waiting area....

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 24/04/2016 10:29

Good luck mo

Joysmum · 24/04/2016 10:31

Thinking of you. You're doing g the right thing Flowers

BoatyMcBoat · 24/04/2016 10:40

Good luck, Mo. Thinking of you.

RandomMess · 24/04/2016 10:48

Hugs Mo, regardless of what happens over the next few months it's clear that you can't live in the same house when he returns to the UK - at least that much is clear now and your solicitor can help work out what needs to happen.

Akire · 24/04/2016 10:48

Sending bucket loads of calm and courage x

kittybiscuits · 24/04/2016 10:57

Me too x

Floppywillow · 24/04/2016 11:16

I am sure if you are separated you can claim income support even if you both live in the same house. It might be worth checking. I know it is not very much but at least you will be independent and will not have to ask for money.

Barmaid101 · 24/04/2016 11:46

We are all behind you mo! Stay strong. He is a twunt of the higest order!
Flowers

AngryMo · 24/04/2016 13:30

Right. So. Not exactly the most positive of outcomes.

The officer I spoke to has recorded this incident as a 'non crime' as it's not the type of incident that can warrant an arrest or anything like that. She said financial abuse, on its own, does not constitute a crime as such, and is usually something that's attached to another crime, such as sexual or physical abuse. So on its own, it's worthless and there is not much they can do. This is contrary to the new laws about coercive control, which includes financial abuse.
She has offered to come to the house when he's here with another officer to come and talk to him, but only if that's what I want them to do.

However, she has referred me to the NCDV (National Centre for Domestic Violence) who deal with these types of crime or non-crime, and they will contact me to assess whether I have a case. If I do, they are the ones who can help with legal aid.

So it seems, rather than go down the police route, I need direct court intervention. The police are a bit powerless when it comes to pure financial abuse...take note anyone else like me, reading this...

So there's my next line of enquiry: NCDV, go ahead with mediation meeting.

I don't see how them coming to the house is going to make a jot of difference: in fact it will just reinforce his ideas that he is above the law. He won't take it seriously either, judging on past behaviours. I know exactly what he's like and this will just make him feel more invincible. It won't rattle him in the slightest, nothing does, unless it directly affects his wallet.

OP posts:
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