FreeMo - Part 3

[AngryMo]

New Fred

This sounds to me like he is terrified you aretstockpiling money to leave him. His only way to prevent that is to limit access to money. He will honestly think you are pulling a fast one because that's how he views women. ... money grabbing. ... Then they walk out. Please report him for financial abuse. You have all the evidence you need.

That might be a good shout remember, might this be what he's playing at Mo?

You are doing so, SO well dealing with him. He is a total mind fuck.

I was going to suggest you text his mum saying that he wouldn't give you the money for your DS's club, but see he's finally backed down.

KOKO.

fortunately all these emails are irrefutable proof, that he is indeed a Prick.
it's deliberate to keep you grasping & fighting to survive. Abuse at it's finest.
How long till he returns so you can kick his sorry arse to touch?
Mo, you can see this is deliberate, there is absolutely no justification, or excuse he can furnish that will persuade you to "try again". (please confirm !)
Get that paperwork in the box today

I think you have him on the back foot. He tried his usual way of dealing with you and it didnt work. And you then took the wind out of his sails by coming back with a new way of order i.e. - ok you deal with the school.

You wrong footed him and he needed thinking time.

Rememberthetime, it does sound that way, but none of his behaviour really adds up properly. He is desperate for me to go back to work, and by doing that I could stockpile much more easily. So it seems his obsession is much more to do with greed and physical money.

Mo, you are right, but in the interim, until he gets home & puts you back in your box,
He doesn't want you amassing enough to get legal help with "his" money !Then
once you are back at work, he thinks that this "little problem" will resolve itself, as you can then then pay for all these "extras" yourself & he won't be called on to pay.

Last night I was actually thinking about the fact that you said, before you had to pay the babysitter... does that mean, he would go out & if you wanted to go too you had to pay or stay behind ?

I can't help finding it funny, Mo, that as your solution implied the extra expense of an international call, he backed down.

He is seriously sick with avarice.

How much does he spend on his clothes?

You could send him an itemised list of his stuff, with a comparison list of how much an average child's equivalent is.

"Yours
Shirt £100
Trousers £250
Shoes £300
Socks £25
Haircut £75t
Afterwork jollies, 1 month, £700 excl. travel

Child's
Shirt 2 for £5
Trousers £8
Shoes £30
Socks 5 pairs for £3
Haircut £25
Afterschool club, 1 term, £15

Considering that equipping one child for a term at school costs less than one of your shirts, your requirement that I itemise all expenditure, and your determination to restrict my grocery shopping to the bare minimum, can be construed as unreasonable in the extreme. Please rethink your financial dealings wrt your family, and transfer adequate money, including a reasonable amount tomcover emergencies, forthwith."

Mix: the babysitter incident: when his plans for free babysitting fell through, he was either going to go with someone else or let me go with someone else. It was literally the thought of wasting money on someone to come and sit with the kids that made him nauseous. But he knew I really wanted to go so him suggesting he take someone else really tipped me over the edge.

He thinks childcare is money wasted, in any form.

Because that's what you are for, Mo. You and women in general ie his mum.

He is such an awful Prick, so glad that you have realised now and not wasted another 2 years with him.

Send the forms off now today, ring tax credits and start your claim as a single parent.

TBH I wouldn't let him back in the house when he returns. He can stay with his parents.

OMG Mo - what a total wanker the guy is. Can't add to the absolutely fabulous advice on here but just lending my support. You can rid yourself of this vermin and live your life the way you should and the way you want to. Go girl!

Well I class that as a victory Mo! I long drawn out one but you didnt back down and he paid up. That's got to be a first

I wouldn't hesitate to tell school and highlight that I have no money to pay for anything until I can claim maintenance and benefits. I would ask them to send requests for payment to the thundercunt, copying you in, as you are being denied access to any money. You are doing brilliantly.

If you buy uniform through the school, forward their number for him to call and check prices, if it's through a shop, forward their number for him to call.

He wants the info, he can get it for himself.

You're doing great mo, I know there are days where you feel you are not, but look how far you have come. This last e change shows he's starting to get it.... He stood down and coughed up... Well done you!

Oh and I have used so many tips from this thread in my own life, it has been so helpful. I rehearsed my lines, stood my ground and he floundered and just looked like a sad manipulative shit caught in his web of lies to boost his ego. The truth-spoken calmly, simply and repeated - brought him crashing down.

The mother, it turns out did not receive my email the other day, although I though she had. She's come back to me now offering to help with the uniform, in other words, trying to patch the problem, 1) because she doesn't want us to split and 2) that's what she's done all her life after all and doesn't know any different.

She's disregarded my statements about him being a bully and that I will not take this abuse any more. It's gone completely over her head, as I knew it would. Yes, of course, it's kind of her to offer to buy me the uniform, but it doesn't solve the problem, not by far. She can't cover up her son's failure to take responsibility but she's too blinkered to see it that way.

Anyway. I've had one of the most intense days of my life today, in terms of dealing with P, other things and events happening, speaking to one friend after another and then another, all intense conversations and it's thoroughly exhausting. I'm due one more conversation tonight and I can barely handle it but I need to.

Also, I have a new lock,YAY!

Hurray for the lock. Can you take a breather? You must be shattered.

Great about the lock - now don't lose the key or you will be knicker less!
Good luck with the last conversation, maybe treat yourself to more of his wine to easy it along x

Mo, really really well done. You got the money out of him.

I agree he is terrified of you getting hold of money. I think he is seriously sick, not just financially abusive. This goes well beyond that. I also think the can't wait to see you is sarcastic, or that's how I would read it. It seems to me the gloves are off.

Get those forms in. If the gloves are off, funnily enough it's a bit easier to deal with. You stop hoping. Professional distanced behaviour. You are you. He cannot touch the essential you. Breathe . Practice.

Crikey, where on earth would his mum raise the dosh for the uniform? I assume she has no more access to the family income than she ever did.

I agree that you need to let the school know what's going on. You getting absolutely frantic with worry that your ds will have to stop his club is exactly what he wants.

Storm, sorry you too are going through this, but great about the collapse. V affirming!

Mo please, please mail all the forms to get what you will/are entitled to as a single/separated parent. Contact the police re your fear of him becoming violent on his return, get it logged with them, also with your gp and anyone else appropriate, now is the time to get all your ducks in a row, please get it done, no more thinking about it, you know you are leaving, move the process forward.

His mum so did get your email. She was just colluding with him. If she gives you the money you can be sure he'll be waiting to see if you mention it then deduct it.

It's all about control at the end of the day.
You have to take that away. So if your money is taken at source, and is dealt with through a third party, the control is removed.

You might as well start now as you mean to carry on. There won't be a magic day when it's all different, you have to set that day. It might as well be today.

I think you're doing so well Mo, I know in your situation I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself. You are awesome.