FreeMo - Part 3

[AngryMo]

New Fred

So now effectively, the children have no food?
the only reply,

"Your children have nothing to eat", if you want a fucking list, here is what is in the fridge.
1/4 pkt margarine
1/2 pint of milk.
Last night they finished the cereal for their dinner. For breakfast they had cheese crackers. Transfer me money for their food immediately.

Call Women Aid, is there no way to get emergency payment if their are children involved? food banks?

.

There is food, so I'm not going to lie and say we are starving. The card supposedly credited last night but just not when I needed it (as it has done before) and a friend genuinely has lent me some money. So I can go and get food shopping with the card today. Except I'm only buying the bare minimum for the children and nothing else. He is not coming home to a well stocked kitchen.

Please call womens aid and keep everything re:email etc, because he is gaslighting you and probably will ignore any requests in regards to mediation.

Pleased to read that you put a lock on your door, hoping you are compiling a timetable/list of when friends etc will pop over or you are seeing them for when he is here. The times where you are visiting friends, I would actually write this on the family calendar so he can see it in black and white.

and a for you.

CMS equivalent forms at the ready. I just want to wait to send them off until he's here

I don't understand the benefit of this? Call them and find out if there's any merit to this. If you wait until he's here he'll be gone again before they are processed and you'll not have saved any time.

Joysmum you're right, what the hell am I waiting for.

That was when I was in my oh maybe this death will have knocked him sideways and he'll snap out of his nonsense and might start being a bit more reasonable so I'll wait till I see him in person. But of course not.

I feel completely out of control, like I can't make a single decision on my own. I have no clue what I'm doing.

Mo I agree with joysmum, send it off now. Even though there has been a bereavement, he is still acting like for the want of a better word an abusive arsehole. He is hellbent on not losing control, he would rather see your children suffer in order to win.

I appreciate, that you are scared hence why in some part you are reluctant to send it off. However, this is about your DC.

Morning Mo you are doing great from where I'm standing. Before it would have taken you days to get the courage to email him and cope with reply but you did it all yesterday!

This shows again how abisive and controlling he is- uniform /extra money aside if you sent list or not he KNEW you needed to do food shop, he KNEW you have to go there with a knot in your stomach hoping there was money on with or without screaming pre-schooler and without your friend a total wasted , lets dangle the prize just out of reach torture!

In his twisted mind he did "pay you" but only after you had to beg and he knew you were like a little puppy dog waiting for a biscuit, and only after he reminded you "it's your fault"!!!

I know we all been saying for ages about the forms, and well done for doing benefits- it really will take some control way. He's not going just pay your maintence is he - ESP as its more than he gives At the moment, plus hell will freeze over before he gets to know where it's spend so the sooner he's made to cough up the better.

As for can't wait to see you!!!!! Do you think he will turn up with big bunch of flowers? Or anything as shit token everything's ok gesture??? Oh can you move any funiture around slightly? Just to hint at the you have been gone for ages, you don't live here any more, we get along fine with our new way thanks.

Really Akire?! Oh my, I certainly don't feel it. I think I must be a weak person generally, because it's quite shocking and pathetic how this all frazzles my brain. To stand up to him makes me feel shaky and sick. How would I have dealt with this without MN? Seriously this is such an amazing thing, to be able to vent, rant, rave or just have a chat and a laugh for a bit of therapy.

I have to be honest I haven't found WA that helpful to me. I always feel like they can't wait to get me off the phone and are quick dishing out other numbers for me to ring (which is good of course) and I know they call themselves just a signposting service but I haven't really felt able to chat about my actual issues like I can here.

My friend's husband is coming over later to fit the lock.

The randomness of my paragraphs is indicative of my head right now. I'm sitting here literally not knowing what to do next. Papers. Sorting room. Get rid of some more stuff for charity. Washing. Chase P for after school club money (yes yes yet another thing I unfortunately cannot NOT contact him for).

That's a great idea re moving furniture and also I presume you have moved all your clothes and personal stuff into you new locked bedroom and made sure that there is a definite your room and his room
You are doing well Mo you really are, the reason you are feeling out of control is because you are just starting to take control. It's a new and big and exciting and slightly daunting feeling to come to terms with after being in an abusive relations ship where every thought probably had to go through him
You are doing well

Oh what a fucking surprise, this time he wants to see the invoice first before sending the after school club money. Er, how to I get an invoice if I can't pay for it? Idiot.

Btw...he doesn't know my friend lent me money (nor should he) but I can't pay cash over the phone

Can you just go out for a walk clear your head. Go push toddler on swings. None of those things need doing this morning. Though good idea about moving clothes Nd buts you need. If there is lick on your door you then don't want to be going in main /HIS room to get anything. That's presuming you are moving to spare room to keep the peace not other way around

This may be a good time to speak to the school and say you are/have split up due to financial abuse. You will need to tell the school at some point if only so teachers know kids may be upset or whatever. I'm sure school office would be happy to email or text you a last reminder for X club you know owe X amount ASAP notice. He is being the unresonsble one again to make you prove the amount for a children's club that's they have been going to for ages and he agreed to in advance! I would use that against him and say I have explained the situation to the school they will email you directly or whatever polite but haha you are just making ppl see what a tosser you really are. Goal for me , reply!

I don't know how you're not responding "JESUS CHRIST WERE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A FUCKING CUNT?" to every email.

I congratulate you on your self control. This itemising/proof stuff........Nobody acts like that. Nobody!

And yet he's still dumbfounded that you accused him of financial abuse????

Btw did his mum answer your email or did she ignore it?

Akire I worry that wouldn't shame him but actually make him feel good. "See? The school is being reasonable about my need to know the cost - why can't you be?"

Elspeth haha, I say that before I reply
Funnily enough, he responded after I emailed her so she obviously spoke to him, but she hasn't replied directly, which is unusual for her. She's not the type to be lost for words so don't know what's going on there.

He's not replying about transferring the money even though I pointed out I can't pay until I have the money so I just said if he doesn't trust me I'll send him the number he can do it himself.

Maybe I meant in a dear mr tosser your ex partner has told us that you need to see prof of invoice before you will pay the regular bill for X after school club. This is the same amount it has always been now pay up.
P.s we thought you were decent father but know we know the truth all the office staff are appalled!
P.p.s the last picture of you having a beer on Facebook was with the worst shirt we have ever seen
Can't wait to see you xxxx
School office

I may be getting slightly carried away :)

Well isn't this nice. No replies to my emails, even when I say fine, you do it if you don't trust me and confirm when you've done it. I saw he was online on skype so tried to call, he ended the call then must have logged out because it won't ring any more.
So now I have to explain to my son why he's not going to the club that he's been going to for months while his friends are all going? This guy is really the lowest of the low.
He can do what he likes to me but when it affects them I get REALLY mad.

I haven't commented on your thread before Mo, as you seem to be doing so well with the advice already given to you but I have followed your threads. I just wanted to offer more virtual support, and to say if there was ever any doubt in your mind that you could change your 'P' (which must by now stand for grade a Prick, as no Partner would treat another equal party with such contempt) for the better this has clearly quashed it.

You do not deserve what he is doing to you and your children. I am a-fucking-GHAST at this latest turn of events. He is so detached from reality it's ludicrous, he is not normal. KOKO lady.

Don't let him do that to your dc
Go the school and tell them what's happening and get them to invoice him directly
Another poster is probably right it could be the time to talk the school anyway.
I know! Something else to grit your teeth over Nd get through, but, think of it as safeguarding the dcs
If / when the school are aware then you have another pair of eyes looking out for them get them onside

Oh god, his behaviour really is textbook - eventually he's come back with whatever excuse for not replying, and "don't be silly, no need for me to make an international call to verify it" and transferred it - yes because clearly it was ME who was being silly in all of this.

At least my son has his club.

He's a cunt!

I just wasted 1.5 hours to arrange this thing when all it should have taken was 2 mins to book it over the phone. Waste of energy,