FreeMo - Part 3

[AngryMo]

New Fred

Actually I would copy and paste the bit in the coercive control guidelines about making your partner account for every penny and send him that, (at least I would be tempted)
It is good you have these emails, hope he doesn't know your email log in details, change them if he does.
He is not as clever as he thinks he is, every email like this is showing he is actually breaking the law, all grist to the mill. KOKO Mo.

KOKO [flower]

I have to say he is even more financially abusive/orientated/complete dick than I thought possible even a few weeks ago.

You are going to feel so fab once you are free of the shackles of financial abuse.

I don't think I would send the info about coercive control, if you don't mind me saying, Grumpyoldblonde. I don't think I've ever seen a case on here where the abusee sends info to the abuser and the abuser has a road to Damascus moment about their behaviour. More usually they just start to pick holes in the info to 'prove' it doesn't fit with them and/or start using it to identify so-called abusive behaviour by the victim.

This guy is never going to accept his behaviour is wrong. He's grown up with it. Even if he wavered, his parents would reinforce the rightness of it in a heartbeat. I think you know now, Mo, there's no point hoping he will want to work with you to do what's best for the children, that's just a pipe dream.

By the way I'm concerned that he's going to pick up on the fact that you've asked for/spent extra money but the cupboards are bare. I think he will use this as evidence of your poor financial management. (I still think it's the right thing to do but I would be prepared for this argument).

Tribpot, I agree about not sending the info, tempting as it is. I've already mentioned financial abuse, and if he genuinely can't figure out that it's wrong by himself, I'd prefer to keep the illegality of it close to my chest at this point. I can use it later or it will just happen and he will have had no preparation.

Well he's not giving me any cash until I comply with his demands to itemise which I'm not going to do. Also, he can't claim it's poor budgeting because remember I have a store card for food shopping only, and the extra money I'm talking about is for activities and uniforms, not food. The food budget hasn't changed. I'm it thinking of my defence, and it's obviously cast iron but I'm sure he will find nits to pick.

No I probably wouldn't really send it tribpot I would certainly keep reading it though if I were Mo and continued to have any doubts.

I guess it doesn't really matter what he thinks or says now, he can argue all he likes but Mo is leaving him and there is not a damn thing he can do about that decision if she is resolute.
Hope you and the children manage to have a peaceful day Mo, remember this is your decision to make and nobody on God's green earth can keep you with him if you want to leave him, there doesn't have to be a reason to leave someone at all, being unhappy is reason enough.

How you are keeping yourself off facebook and not doing a sarcastic post

"Dh has just had a long weekend in xyz yet the DC aren't allowed £50 to buy their summer school uniform, his priorities astound me yet again" and tagging him in it...

I am feeling very stabby today!!!

I think the email to him should read.
Children grow, the uniform is obligatory, I have now had to borrow £200 from X
just transfer the money, Try & stop being a Dick.

Oh yes tempting when he gets up with them and takes them to school that uniform is all flying at half mast. Let him do the proud take my kids to school walking in the rain in shoes to small and trousers to short.

Those emails and FB posts are all too tempting but no, I'm not doing it!

Now I've got his mum defending him (don't worry, it's meaningless and pointless, just thought I'd share it...) telling me but but but he didn't spend much when he went to x or y, only £100 each time, and he only went because he didn't want to be alone at the weekend and he doesn't go out drinking blah blah blah. I'd be wasting my breath to say to her but where were my offers of several £100 child free breaks (as if they only cost £100, he would have spent that on drink alone)? I'm more alone than him and no one's said to me there there you must be so lonely in the evenings on your own, go away with some friends why don't you. I won't bother saying any of this. Only to my beloved thread.

I so would like to have a normal relationship with a nice, kind man some time soon please

Wow, only £100 each time, eh? What a frugal paragon he is. And I agree, unless he's in some exceptionally cheap part of the world the chances of it actually having cost a hundred quid a pop are zero.

Must be tempting to say to his mum 'what does whether he spent 100, 200, 300 or 3000 quid on a weekend away have to do with his children needing new school uniform?'. Indeed, since he has spent 'so little' (aka vastly more disposable income than you are allowed) there must be plenty of dosh left over for said uniform.

Also, £100 is about 50% of my monthly bits and bobs budget. Even if he is saying he "only" spent £100, that's what he's spent on one person for two days when I have the equivalent amount for four people for two weeks. Arse.

It's all total bollocks anyway, why am I bothering breaking it down. Like I said, meaningless.

So now he has got his mother minimising/excusing why he can spend money how he likes....but you have to justify/itemise your expenditure re: school uniform/holiday activities......the mind boggles.

The sooner you put in your application for benefits and CMS the better.

The same woman whose husband didn't give her housekeeping money at all even when their kids were babies. She must think I'm really lucky to get £500.

I must say the mind boggles at what your MIL went through. Was this in the 1970s? My mum was a single mum then and it wasn't easy but better than putting up with that shit.

However, just because she had it worse doesn't make your situation in 2016 any more acceptable.

Image and status was more important to her than happiness. I wish I was kidding.

Wow his mother really is brain washed isn't she? Can't justify its ok for him to have lots of going out spending money because it's depressing and lonely being stuck sometimes home with no one to go, yet expects you and the kids to do exactly the same! Different of course if family budget meant you really couldn't but knowing true circumstances is

Makes you wonder dosnt it if his mother dies before his father if he shove her in some recyled cardboard box and no flowers as its his money! She not earned a decent burial and the like!!

Well we knew MIL would defend him to the hilt because there is no way she will ever admit how much she has messed up her DC staying with an abusive husband is there!

Well, lest we forget, DP is the victim here because he 'allowed' Mo to return to the UK ahead of him, leaving him lonely and deprived in the Land of Cheap Holidays.

Mo, his logic will be that you wanted to go home. Its not his fault if you are alone & unhappy, its what you wanted.
he will deflect from the real issue, which is selfishness & neglect on his part.

He doesn't realise that if he'd paid more attention to me and my needs and wellbeing in the first place I probably wouldn't have been in such a hurry to return home. I was desperate to return home and thought it was just homesickness initially, but I later realise it's because I was living under his rules and his lack of regard or concern for me made me desperately unhappy. I feel like I lost those years of my life. Apart from a few amazing friends who saved me while we were there, he totally ruined everything for me. But then if I hadn't experienced that, my eyes wouldn't have been opened the way they have been.

I'm full of bloody cheer me, aren't I?

LOL

How long were you out there for?

It's amazing you've stayed as strong and intact as you have tbh!

You go girl!

You're bloody brilliant Mo xx

Mo would you not get legal aid as his behaviour is all kinds of abuse, financial, emotional?