What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will.
12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)
13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.
14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

[Trills]

Whatsapp uses phone numbers to connect people. Presumably you either gave him your phone number or messaged him from your phone number?

[HandyWoman]

Well I would not have raged, no, but then I don't have a 3 year old to juggle my dating around so I'm not in your shoes!

Nightmare...

Be careful not to put too much planning in though. First date is just a 'litmus test' remember am rubbish at hair and beauty and personal grooming though, which probs leaves me open to comments like the one Twix made

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Yeah, he would. Unless it just didn't occur to him to phone...in which case he's stupid, or thoughtless. Either way, well rid!

[WhoWants2Know]

Shit, is that really true, that guys like to do the hunting? Guys never woo me. I usually just decide "yes, I think I'll have that one". And then pounce. Sometimes I might let him think it's his idea, but I'm definitely pulling strings. I'm definitely going to have to do some reading.

So is it bad to message first, then?

last I'd have binned him off too.

[Trills]

I always see a first date with someone online as a "zeroth date", if that is helpful.

If you'd met someone in real life you'd have already SEEN them and checked that they looked appealing and didn't have an annoying voice or a twitch that you couldn't stand.

[Trills]

I don't really know how much I agree with all of the "hunting" rhetoric, really.

[lastnicknamefree]

handy i did feel like a fair amount of effort had gone in, just because it has to because of my situation. And yes I had also washed my hair etc, but I'm quite self conscious meeting new people so looking nice gives me confidence. No matter, onwards and upwards but not a great start to my POF rodeo and first date from rejoining! Makes you feel like crawling back under the duvet because there are so many flaky men out there and it's so much effort but I'm going to force myself to do the opposite and get straight back on with my other irons...

[HandyWoman]

That's the spirit last

[lastnicknamefree]

Too scared to log back onto POF now though because I don't fancy reading the other message he left me, I think he was getting annoyed that I didn't oh ok it doesn't matter, don't worry and of COURSE I will drop everything to reschedule at your earliest convenience Wednesday! Because he couldn't make tomorrow either, he was playing football!! If I log back in now I think he'll still be stalking me and ounce on me..ill sneak in early morning and read/block!!

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Personally, I don't think it's bad to message first. I often do, and have had some dates out of it.
I do think there's something in this hunting thing...or at least not being too easy/available, without playing games....if that's possible. I know with the last guy I was seeing, I was far too accommodating and it just ended up making me question his strength of feelings for me.

[Trills]

You don't have to sneak.

You can log on ANY TIME YOU LIKE.

[Trills]

OK Cupid says that women who message first get hotter dates

What have you got to lose? Someone who might otherwise have scrolled past you, if you send them a good first message, might take a closer look and decide that actually yes they do want to chat to you.

[Trills]

why would you want to go out with a man who doesn't like being message first?!

Exactamundo.

I find that the men on Bumble are much more attractive (in looks and in self-description) than those on Tinder.
Not MANY of them of course, because it's newish, but men who:
a - hear about new apps, so are actively making an effort and not just going for the easiest option
b - are happy to sign up to an app that bills itself as "feminist", where women must send the first message
are my kind of man.

[lastnicknamefree]

For what it's worth, I've messaged all of my irons first! All the men who send me messages are rather old and not at all attractive I just trawl through and if I like the look of someone pick out something from their profile and send a very brief chatty message referencing that!

[Trills]

Good job last.

[muddlingalongquitenicely]

Which sites do you recommend a newbie like me to look at. Im on match though not seen anyone that really pops out (apart from an old school friends brother who i recognised but definitely wouldn't contact him)

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Hmmm, Trills, that could just be then BumbleBot effect!

[HandyWoman]

Yes.
Bumblebots.
Had a few of those.

[DrFoxtrot]

I've never tried Bumble, I might have a look. I have a potential date tomorrow evening with MrRescue depending upon his work pattern. My other two irons have been quiet, one I'm not expecting to hear from until he's back home from working away..the other seems to have ghosted! Oh well, I wasn't that interested in him to begin with!

I'm not sure why I'm bothering with all this, although I suppose it's a nice distraction until I marry Tom Hiddleston.

last I would have been disappointed too but don't avoid POF because of him. No man dictates what you do or when online!

[Trills]

I've had a few actual human beings replying too though.

I converse eccentrically enough that a bot would not pass the Turing Test. :o

[Lacoba66]

Feedback needed, but will say that I'm a little relieved.