What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Good grief last that's just littered with red flags! I am not like the other guys, stop this (wtf?!), I have explained so you have to do xyz. Entitled prick. I think his subsequent behaviour shows you definitely reacted in the right way.

Entitled does seem a good word for him actually! I have other irons but not any I'm particularly excited by..
singledad who sends me flurries of messages on whatsapp being very flirty but then doesn't actually back them up by asking to meet! I actually put it out there myself in the end last night and told him casually it would be good to meet at last and if he had a free morning for coffee or play date next week let me know (we both have young children) I'm not going to mention it again, just leave it at that now and if he doesn't get back to me and ask to actually meet up I'll stop messaging.
Then there's another slowburner who sends me a message or 2 every day just chit chat but not asking to meet either. It's kind of dull to be honest, he doesn't seem to have much in the way of conversation skills, let alone witty banter but we are local and do have stuff in common on paper so ill simmer away on the back burner as I'd probably meet him for a quick coffee incase he is better IRL. Le sigh...

Thanks ladies waving have a good day at work, I feel like I go there for s break sometimes! And 1 day!! Eeek!
314 has been having many "bear hugs" it would seem! Looking forward to an update there!

waving back in contact is still lovely, I'd be phone in hand all day waiting!
singledad was promising at the start, we messaged lots and he was openly flirty and sounding like he wanted to meet up, yet hasn't actually come out and asked? It's like waiting for Christmas! We talked about when we could both make a play date as we have kids in nursery on different mornings, and the local parks etc, we talked about how his cousin could get a sitter but he'd only do am evening date with someone if there was a spark/chemistry on first meet (sensible) he even said something about come over for a cuddle! But then never actually manages to make any firm arrangements! What's with this? any experience or advise on this type of guy?

I messaged someone like that last year last. He was a widower with two kids and just didn't ever seem to be able to get out of the house. He'd message every day but it just got really boring in the end and I cut him loose. I want someone to go out with! No point otherwise.
I think with your guy you should push for a quick meet up...maybe suggest a local event that you are going to with your DS and see if he wanted to meet up there? At least then you'd know if there was any real life spark and if it was worth pursuing.

freaky I think you're right and I'm going to ignore the moose burger rule for this one, and if it gets to the end of the week and it seems the same I'm just going to do what you suggest. If he doesn't take me up on it, I'll move on.

See, I think it would be more mooseburgery to carry on messaging with no hope of a date.
By pushing for a date you're saying "I know what I want, I am worth more than just endless messaging" You're setting your standards and if he doesn't match up, then you move on.

There must be some MH advise on how to turn messages into a date...anyone know?

Morning everyone

I'm off with DC's this week (huzzah!) so my long weekend continues!

ocelot , you don't turn off love I am afraid. You put your big girls pants on, look after yourself, give yourself room to recover and then carry on with your life. It will get better, but you have to accept he has moved on and move on yourself. Once you've really accepted that, the only way is up. Been there, done it, got the t shirt.

handy I think twix is an old school gent from what I can tell.

batshit hmmmm. How you feeling today? trust me delete his number, he's not worth it!!!

steady you're spot on.

Realistically, I didn't do anything wrong, I was possibly expecting too much when he only saw it as a casual thing that didn't work out for him...

this. Time and time again, this is what is happening with our irons. Either they don't feel that connection or they're not looking for it.

last am loving your style! Go you! You totally dodged a bullet. Block and move on! Don't see this guy! Re singledad and come over for a cuddle??? . That's singledad talk for let's have some sex.....
I have a friend who is a single dad, he gets more action playing that card than most men I know!

lacoba that is a brilliant text! I would ask for it to be deleted though. It has his name and pic on it. Have you heard back?

freaky yay re bacon!!!!!!

waving yay re MTG!

to rest of thread.

Another iron messaged happy Easter last night. Still nada from Scot. His behaviour is fascinating to me. Am watching and learning. Have fab days everyone!

Hello all
last I can't believe his vitriolic messages. You're definitely well out if that potential nightmare.

I've been messaging my date from the other night lots - he's very funny and likeable, I'm just not sure the physical attraction is there, but we'll go out again and I'll decide. He's really keen, which is a great ego boost.

And I've still got Serious Financial Man on the back burner - he's got his kids for the holidays so we're going to meet after that. He messages a lot - friendly but rather dull messages - but I'm hoping that in the flesh he'll be different.

I don't think I can keep more than 2 going at a time though - it's too time-consuming!

Hello!

Some of you might remember me from the Dec/Jan threads - I had the dubious distinction of four dates in four nights. Someone said Twiggy does Four Nights at tha Palladium, which still makes me . I bailed out on Date 4 because Date 3 (with Mr Blond) was so good.

I've just read all the threads - better than any boxset! Think you are all amazing, such strong support for each other; I know I shared things on here that I never could have discussed with RL friends.

Mr Blond and I are approaching 3 months and it's all very so I wanted to say hang in there. Someone said a few threads back that WMLB, MH, mooseburgers, 'the chat' wasn't necessary with the right person because there is no game playing or misunderstandings - you just know. And I agree with this 100%.

Not complacent at all - married for 20 years so I realise 3 months is absolutely nothing, but it's a start and I'm happier than ever.

Think what swings it for me is the communication and the amazing sex. He's a texter and a caller and his style mirrors mine perfectly.

Not out of the woods - neither of us have mentioned the L word yet and I was wondering what you all thought about when the right time to say it is? Realise this is slightly off topic but I feel I know you all, and value your opinions. Know it's early days and I don't want to spoil things, but feel a little that some of you have already said it to your irons. We've spoken about the future and we're on the same page so not anxious but just want that hurdle over with iyswim?

Thanks, and to you all.

Not sure he's moved on any more than me except that he has maybe admitted to himself he's an IDWAR...

But yes- I need to start getting over him :( which may or may not be facilitated by a distraction iron - so!I'd left swiping so far with a couple of desultory chats from weekend....not yet worth a nickname

Thx Waving I still have some small irrational hope tucked away(such a pollyanna!) but am going forward trying to live my life...got a few more things ( non romantic) in the diary which helps...can't really contemplate meh dates - would have to have something significant in common & I just don't find it...

You weren't harsh...
Not only me then! :) I just can't let go of the belief we are perfect for each other... For all his foibles! I've never accepted a man in his totality so much...
But enough of him! For now... Got yoga tonight, jazz with a friend on thursday & wedding of 60+ yo bookclub friend Saturday, tennis sunday....

waving I think I do know, it's clear from his words and his actions that I'm important to him. We've got a holiday planned for next month, and the future crops up all the time, naturally, so I know we feel the same.

I'm just a 'love you' type of person and say it to family and friends all the time, so I don't want it to slip out by accident!

So happy things are going well for you and MTG - Soho is clearly toast!

ocelot I think we've probably all been there and felt that pain. It's hard to move on. You second guess everything you ever did or said. Think some light hearted tinder-swiping is a good distraction, give yourself time to heal as well.

Hello new thread.

Wow it moves so fast it's hard to keep up.

Waving at you boat stalking. Brilliant. I hope he gets phone signal today and messages you.

Anyone interested in joining the Facebook group please PM me. Someone up thread asked, can't recall who it was, sorry.

Where's Mag? Obviously getting lots of bear love.

You did the right thing getting rid last and yes very that he was dealing with an emergency but managed to log onto pof and send you numerous messages. You definitely dodged a bullet there!

I had a date last night, really wasn't feeling it and had already cancelled on the chap in question 3 times mainly due to being too tired post landing from a flight, or having to be up ridiculously early to go to work.
I went, and nice guy but zero chemistry and I didn't fancy him at all. He's asked to meet again but I'm not interested so will tell him.

Other than that zero irons at the moment. And finding this online dating very energy consuming. I think I might take a few months off.

Waving is the official thread ship-stalker then...should anyone require her services :)

I'm not much out THERE but am out more which is good... Have just been reminded its also book club tmrw -don't even know what the book is never mind read it! But they are used to me...

Yes what is 314 up to?!!