What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will.
12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)
13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.
14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

Sorry, this thread is not all about me, but I've made enquiries about a yoga class near me - I don't have loads of spare money, but I think it will do me good to have other stuff going on. And this one, miraculously, starts an hour after I get home from work, so I even have a chance to eat something light beforehand, instead of starving myself until gone 9 pm!

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

No, Waving I haven't, that's the thing. He isn't very proactive about these things (we had a false start for our first date because of it).

[UmbongoUnchained]

Hi!

I reconnected with my estranged husband just before Christmas (I know, it's all a bit odd) and we are currently dating again. Not sure if it counts as obviously we are already married but it feels the same haha!

[TooSassy]

batshit at this stage his details would be deleted and I would wait for him to emerge from whichever cave he had gone into. I know I have one technique but it's the one that works for me.
If I've messaged and I strongly feel the ball is in their court then that's the tack I take. If I don't hear from them again, then so be it.
I also don't expect closure from any of them. If you seek closure then you're expecting honesty and openness. I'm afraid to say that I don't expect that from someone I don't know very well either. I just accept that for whatever reason, it hasn't clicked for them and move on. I'm actually a positive person but am starting to balance my optimism with realism.

dr I'd do the date. You never know what will happen in person.

handy if you've had the chat then you don't need more irons. Don't risk messing up something good.

muddling we are all here for handholding and advice.

Look at you guys with your yoga classes. I've signed up to golf lessons. If all else fails then the golf pros have cute bottoms to ogle.

[tanyadm]

foxtrot, they seem to arrive in waves for me too. I've had a few miserable weeks of nothing, now seem to have four irons on the go.

[ocelot7]

Back from lovelyfriends & veeyling a bit wobbly home alone but off to meet a friend from way back soon - we worked together 2000-2003 not met since except on fb!
How do you turn off love? :(
Some distraction irons could help - if I could find any I feel anything in common with... I do keep doing some swiping!

[HandyWoman]

My exclusivity chat with Twix was a not very satisfactory naked chat relating to the use of condoms. Am so embarrassed to even say that. He was very surprised I would even think he was seeing anyone else. And he certainly had a very slow dating pace, like 2 per year. So although I think it amounts to the same thing it wasn't done in the right way, nor was it explicit! Nothing is 'explicit' with him! But because I think he's not 'playing the game' like most us here in terms of dating he has a different take on it. I think. I like clarity. I don't feel I have it yet hence the insecurity rushing in through the cracks.

[Smartieskid]

Third date with farmer no suggestion of another spoken a few times since but nothing much so he's on the back burner and on to the next

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Hey, new thread! Love the name!

I messaged Bacon about an hour ago...3 hours after his message. I know I should have probably left it longer but 3 hours is actually brilliant for me! No reply yet but I am not angsting and definitely not checking if he is online on WhatsApp. Herbal tea, knitting and early bed for me today, I feel all wrung out after yesterday.

Muddling Welcome!

Batshit Well done with the dates and what is MrM playing at?! It is all so difficult, isn't it, all this second guessing and trying to work out what someone else is thinking...Yoga sounds marvellous. I haven't been to my class for a couple of weeks and I really miss it.

Foxtrot I think you should meet him for a coffee, if you think he's lovely. Physical attraction might come...it's kind of hard to gauge from photos.

[HandyWoman]

Foxtrot I definitely think you should meet for coffee. I didn't think I would fancy Twix - Hahahaha!

Freaky what did your message say? Now go and KNIT!!!

I like Sassy's system.

ocelot welcome back and have a nice evening catching up with your colleague. Then, more swiping....

[NannysPlums]

Hey guys.
Loving the title of the shiny new thread.
Doesn't stay shiny for long though....
Off to catch up.
Phew!!

[Trills]

I saw a request for an explanation of "irons" - did we give one?

I believe it to be based on having "irons in the fire" - basically how many potential dateable people you have on the go. You could be actively seeing them or just messaging them. But if one goes cold, you have others ready.

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

I know you're right Sassy just can't quite do it. I'll see how I feel at the end of the week - one of my new irons might put MrM out of my head altogether triumph of hope over experience

ocelot have fun with your friend.

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

So, he said "see, I swiped right twice!", I said "so you did! That's almost as good as a Super Like. How was your Easter?" On reflection, the "How was your Easter?" might have been an error but I was aiming for chatty.

Weirdly after all the yoga talk, I am planning to start knitting myself a pair of yoga socks tonight!

Ocelot I think you could do with some distraction irons. Having someone new and lovely to chat to would really help, I hope you find someone.

[NannysPlums]

Geordie are you in the North East? (I am) Russian dude sounds good...

To those thinking about taking up yoga DO IT.
Its a great hobby. Has amazing health benefits, and is a great distraction it's been a massive part of my life for a nearly two decades (including get my working life) and I've never looked back!

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

I'm looking forward to the yoga - I have spent the past 16 years regularly doing Pilates, so it will be a change for me.

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

What kind of yoga is it Batshit? I do Kundalini yoga. It's quite spiritual but I quite enjoy that. Forces me to do my meditation.

[DrFoxtrot]

Thanks everyone, I will arrange the coffee, it can't do any harm. He lives about 100 miles away and I've already explained it's probably too far so it won't come as a massive shock if I don't want to see him again.

Sassy I absolutely love what you've said about expecting honestly and openness from people we've never or hardly met. It's never occurred to me before that that's what I'm expecting but it's so true.

ocelot keep working on swiping and distraction irons.

Freaky I couldn't have waited long either to send the message. Three hours is good in my book! But now it's up to him, the ball is definitely in his court. If you don't hear from him then I'd delete and concentrate on other irons.

[tanyadm]

Oh, nicely pitched message, freaky!

[Trills]

"Almost as good as a super like" < I like it :)

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

Freaky it's Iyengar - and she also does meditation. I used to meditate regularly, and have become aware that I really need to start doing it again!

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

It's a great message, Freaky, the ball is definitely in his court now.

[SteadyHand]

Sassy- you've given me something to think about, not expecting honesty and openness from someone you hardly know. It makes good sense. I tied myself up in knots over Mr Wtf ghosting me and eventually cutting all contact, and kept asking myself (and my poor friends!) what I had done wrong. Realistically, I didn't do anything wrong, I was possibly expecting too much when he only saw it as a casual thing that didn't work out for him...