What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Well done Freaky great message.

...more Twix doubt he's at home working on a creative project. I started a convo about it that was inherently a bit sexual. It ended up me complimenting him, quite naturally. It was a playful conversation and I thought a chance to get a bit more er 'intimate' in our convos. Bear in mind he texts a lot but never gets remotely sexual. He said 'thank you' for the compliments and then said I'm 'rather lovely too' and then proceeded to make a comment about me having 'silver hair' (for context, I do have a fair bit of grey but lots of other colour too and look younger than 43, so I've been told repeatedly, incl by Twix).

I just thought, after 4 weeks of prolific friendly and easy messages, in light of the golden opportunity that it was such a 'non compliment' it made me feel flat, if I'm honest

Perhaps he is just utterly unromantic? Or a bit asexual?

Contemplating distraction irons.....

I so hope the next date will feel like progress.....

The silver hair comment was sorta inappropriately jovial, if you see what I mean?

I just wonder if this man will ever actually 'woo' me?

I need to be woo'ed........

Thank you for the reassurance about the message. And literally just as I typed that, he offered to unmatch and Super Like me. I probably shouldn't tell him that I've never been Super Liked right? I've already showed my hand too much by telling him I've never had a Tinder date..

Sassy You are totally, totally right about not expecting honesty and openess from someone you have never met. I was talking to my friend about OLD last night and she was a bit like "how can people treat you that way?" with regards to ghosting etc and I just shrugged and said they are strangers, they don't know me or owe me anything. I think you really need to remember that to avoid going crazy. And Steady you did NOTHING wrong with WTF. He's an arsehole, you're not. That's it!

Handy don't worry too much about Twix. He might just not be a sexter. The important thing is that he is texting, and I presume that the actual sex is good? He might just find that kind of talk by text a bit awkward. When is your next date?

Batshit I need to meditate more too! I aim for every day but it's more like once a week. Think I'll do some in a mo actually, it does make a massive difference to my state of mind.

Thanks, Freaky. Next date probs not til Sat. Which is why I would dearly love some sense of anticipation - that's meant to be fun, right?

Oh god, I'd love to be wooed. Properly wooed.

Exactly Freaky and when you fancy the pants off someone and there is literally no undercurrent of attraction in all these texts it seems a bit of a shame and deffo doesn't help with my insecurity ishoos....

I'm just going to focus on how all this makes me feel, ie 'not very wooed' and sit with that. That's what my therapist would advise me to do. Will slightly simmer him til the date. It prob won't make much difference, he's good at getting in touch, just feels like we're 'good friends' by text.

It's still early days Handy. He might need a bit of time to warm up into the wooing/affection by text?

Ahem, Bacon's just asked me for a date next weekend...and I can't do it! I've got a crazy busy week/weekend coming up. Which should be good due to the whole perceived challenge thing, right? Or make him find someone closer, with a bit more free time?

No Freaky it's perfect that you're busy! Make him don his Moosehunting boots

Really? I think it's good that I am busy with exam/seeing friends/running rather than mum stuff...so I seem interesting rather than "single mum with no time to herself"

Yep. It's perfect. Paints you as the ridiculously high value woman that you are...

New to OLD, is it ok if I join the thread? And ask what a mooseburger is?

Soooo roll up roll up for the entertainment story of the evening, pour some wine and pull up a chair...
Partyboy who I was meant to be meeting for drink this evening (first date) sent me a dubious message at 7pm literally half an hour before I was leaving to bail on me. His excuse was he had been called out to an emergency at work this afternoon and as they had no internet (hence the call out, he's an IT specialist) he couldn't let me know sooner. Now he has to work. All evening. Apparently.
Well I may have gone overboard with the ripping I gave him! I was really pissed off because the whole bloody day had been engineered towards my going out tonight, I have a 3 year old and it's not that easy to get out so babysitter was booked and on the doorstep incidentally, and poor lad, I'd kept him awake all day when he usually naps just so I could get him to bed early and be away at 7, because if anyone remembers or cares at this point I was driving an hour to meet him so figured 8.30/9 would be about right. I'd already showered, washed hair, painted nails and washed best skinny jeans etc you know how I goes, and I was actually ready and looking presentable! So needless to say I was not a happy Easter bunny to get his text and the conversation disintegrated rather quickly and went some thing like this....I'm so sorry, can we reschedule? I really do want to meet you, can you do Wednesday? Me: no, one time offer only, I don't do kindly to being bailed on an hour before we are due to meet, so no. Enjoy your evenings work, I'm all dressed and ready so I'll be off out with friends! (Am actually sat moping in my PJ's, face and hair done up like a dogs dinner with wine and chocolate in hand. he continued to apologise and I carried on having none of it, I'm ashamed to say I was rather a bitch saying he was clearly married to his job and that was ok but why go on a dating site when he has no time for dates, and that it was funny how he was able to go out with his friends on the lash the last 2 nights yet suddenly couldn't make a quick drink?
He said I understand you might have had some bad experiences on POF but please don't put me in the same boat, I said no actually you are the worst of the bunch because I may have had some pretty poor dates but at least they actually turned up! Not in the same boat? You're not even in the boat!
He was very apologetic but got understandably out of patience after my bollocking and then sent me a shitty message on POF when I logged on to read my messages which I hadn't looked at today but thought oh well, another one bites the dust so why not? Within minutes of me logging in he was sending me messages (we had been communicating through whatsapp but I deleted him) saying "straight back on here?? Nice!!!" What did he expect? Me to go into morning for a guy I never met that CBA to make his first meet up? I messaged back once saying I don't know what type of women he was used to dating but this one actually wants to date and is on the site to follow though meeting people not to be flaky! He's still messaging me but I'm not reading anymore...
And breathe! Sorry for the long post, needed to vent. Well, nobody could accuse me of sending moose burgers here could they! prize bitch

Rude limericks? See that's what I want! A bit of rude! I'm no rampant Sexter, but I want texting that occasionally indicates 'you're more than a mate'

Mooseburger definition from Handy

The metaphor is that men like to work to hunt down their 'prey'. Delivering mooseburgers is a general metaphor for making it too easy for the guy which can have the effect of making yourself seem like too little of a challenge (therefore not girlfriend material).

whowants2know I'm fairly new to this thread too, only joined POF last week and been on one date.
"irons" are irons in the fire - men you're messaging/dating etc.
"moose burgers" is sex. Not to be given on a first date, according to the rules!

lastnick what a nightmare, I'd have been livid too.

Within minutes of me logging in he was sending me messages (we had been communicating through whatsapp but I deleted him) saying "straight back on here?? Nice!!!" What did he expect?

He was on POF again pretty damn quickly for someone whose emergency work is SO BUSY that he couldn't let you know he was cancelling til 7pm.

trills exactly! Think we were both checking the other one tbh...

What a nightmare last

I'm with Trills - for someone so embroiled in work crisis stuff, he sure was able to send a shed load of messages....

Oh, so did I unintentionally follow MH by saying I'm usually free on X night? Go me! Well, we'll see what happens.

OMG Last no wonder you are pissed off! I presume he's got your number? Why couldn't be have called you earlier in the day, even if there was no internet? So annoying after you'd sorted a babysitter and arranged your day around it. You did the right thing to bin him off and keep looking, I think.

Who Mooseburgers are basically being too available. So, it can mean having sex too early but it's generally just being too...easy. On the assumption that men like to do the hunting/chasing. You're supposed to be the wild moose that they are tracking through the forest...you're not supposed to cook mooseburgers and deliver them to him! Hence Handy's reference to Bacon needing to get his moosehunting boots on earlier..

We so need to do a thread glossary...

So would everyone else have been fuming too? I feel like I went totally ragey on him!

Good point freaky if we were on whatsapp, he'd have my number right?

Oh dear. I'm a bit like Elliott from Scrubs-- I tend to use sex as an icebreaker... (not quite that bad) delaying mooseburger delivery is going to require a strategic adjustment on my part.