What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

I just think maybe if you get on like a house-on-fire and there's big mutual attraction it may have been more fruitful to just set the standard and say why it (very rightly) miffed you? But as you say he'll probably be back at some point.

No idea what to do re the letter.

I am hugely, hugely flattered, but don't particularly want to read it again. I know he's ultimately a hopeless romantic. I think he's just being wistful. He's on holiday for starters, and is probably just thinking of how lovely it would have been to be there together. We had amazing weekends away. Second-to-none.

I know it's not a goer and that there are very real reasons why we aren't a long term prospect.

Handy! What on earth are you going to do?

I'm going to write to him. Except he's moved house and I don't have his new address. So I can't. The address is written on hotel stationery.

I guess he's hoping I'll ring or text?

The LETTER is written on hotel stationery

What a drama queen - to send you a LETTER from NEW ZEALAND.

314 he ended it because he got upset at the fact that I was becoming less sympathetic to his constant anxiety over his daughter and ex. He is a bit over emotional about his daughter, the relationship is 'enmeshed' and not everso healthy. It really bothered me. She was like the main adult relationship in his life. It was almost like he was married to his daughter rather than his wife. A bit wet. God I'm remembering why we could never get back together..........

......phew!!!

Still massively flattered though. He's a great guy. I would like to tell him that. Just not sure how.

What a curveball indeed Handy!

You sound like you've got your head screwed on about it though

I don't know why people think women are romantic and dreamy-weamy and men are hard-headed pragmatists. 9 out of 10 women I know are far more practical and logical (and cynical) about things men say and do, whereas men in my experience tend to go off the deep end really easily, and they do have this tendency - which yours sounds like - to sit there mooning after "what could have been" instead of getting out there and making things bloody well happen.

Yeah you're right Trills it's a bit of an overly sentimental gesture.

Are you sure it wouldn't work handy?

It is drama queenie. Quite self-indulgent, especially given he's on the other side of the world!
He must be hoping for a text I guess. What are you going to say?

Ah sorry x-post.

Crosspost... Handy did he give the impression of needing you to need him? Did he want to be your knight in shining armour? And when you got your shit together he didn't feel needed enough?

I'm sure it wouldn't work. I would LOVE to be fwb with him but he wants more. Much, much, more. He was pretty romanticised about us and was prone to fantasising about moving in together. Which was NEVER, EVER, going to happen.

This is all part of his overly-romanticised idea of us. From his swanky and possibly slightly lonely, wistful hotel room....

On the 'needing me to need him' thing... Well we definitely bonded over the ex angst in the beginning.... And he was a real rock. But by the end I was emotionally over my ex and we no longer had that in common. And I didn't need that from him.

Always flattering to have an ex come back to you though Handy. Enjoy!

Handy, you've really got your shit together!

9 months of psychotherapy, Freaky (and counting - I'll probably stop next Jan when my therapist retires).

Totally life changing.....

I bet. You just seem to be very self aware, and aware of what/who you need...and don't need.

I need Twix!! I'd move in with him! once my kids are older

Oops. Sorry. That slipped out....

Aw thanks man....

There is your answer then handy if you can picture moving in with twix after 10 dates but NEVER EVER moving in with dramatic NZ guy. Speaks volumes.

9irons I have a feeling the captain pugwash saga is not over...

I don't know what to do about math and singledad. Should I keep them both going as i'm only on date 3 with math and have 'known' single dad for months? Is it too early to eggbasket? It is isn't it? I feel a shit tonight .

I agree with Trills, he's being a drama queen, sending the letter on hotel stationery from New Zealand. You're right, he's probably thinking that it would be nice to be on holiday with you. But when he was at home with you in the UK he ended it. He's the villain. He's Daniel Cleaver.

Oh dear. Bono Alert. I remember years ago before everybody knew that Bono was really self-absorbed he said something about feeling lonely in hotel rooms!!

I thought Daniel Cleaver was quite attractive. He and Bridget had more fun pissing about in boats than Darcy and American Natasha.

Haha! Bono alert!!!! That's really made me laugh!!! Which sums it all up really!! Hahahaha!!!!

True Trills! I wouldn't have been able to resist Daniel Cleaver. I know it! Poor Bridge was defenceless