What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

JollyX and Sassy, good luck with your dates tonight!

Harriet, great news that he's texted today.

Batshit, so sorry to hear that Mr M's cancelled. How are you feeling?

Freaky, when did you last hear from Bacon?

Anna, I'm in awe of your 9 irons! I have trouble finding one.

314, are you feeling ok about Mr Canceller cancelling? (That sounds a bit strange!)

muddling, that sounds pretty dull. If messaging isn't interesting, I really go off the person. But then I guess some people are better in real life than they are at messaging.

Last, your new iron is sounding nice. I think I'd have given up on slowburner by now, but then again there's a lot to be said for being local and hot!

goldfish I did give up on him, and moved on to other irons, I didn't message him again but replied to his and he seems to be the one doing the sending now so I'm playing along no expectations. If he wasn't local etc I'd have blocked but nothing to lose in replying and I'm certainly not messaging or chasing him! Hopefully new iron will get in touch again later and actually turn into a proper iron!
Good luck with yours, fingers crossed for us both that it progresses to a first date!

Thanks, Last!

I wonder if it's a case of slowburner being more keen because you didn't message him? It's weird how that's often the case. A couple of months ago I met Mr Film and we had a few dates. He was great at keeping in touch, but maybe that's because he could sense I wasn't that keen and he needed to step up and put his moose hunting boots on? Maybe if I'd been texting him lots or seemed really keen, he'd have stepped back a bit? Or perhaps he's just a genuinely nice guy who's good at communicating. (Sadly I didn't fancy him, so the good communication didn't work, but he could be great for the right person).

ach, ocelot , the nerd has replied! Again, no mention of meeting! But a nice long chatty message!

314 You can't see on Tinder if someone is online or when they last were (thank the lord!) The worst explanation is that he's updated his profile and doesn't want me to know he's still actively looking or has so many irons on the go that he doesn't need Tinder any more. But either of those are acceptable at this stage, so I am remaining positive!

Just been messaging now..had a little panic as his photo disappeared on WhatsApp and there was an odd message about encryption so I messaged to ask if he was OK. He replied straight away and said it was down to phone update. Might also explain Tinder thing?! Dunno. But anyway, we had a nice little chat and I'm feeling good again.

Will go and read the thread properly now!

314 That sucks about MrCanceller. I think you are right to give up on him though...he's not going to change, is he? Fingers crossed for another date on Sat! If Bacon cancels again, I'll be free...fancy a few cocktails?!

muddling no, not being horrid! He should be at least making an effort to be interesting...

9irons Loving the new name! Are you going to have to change it if your amount of irons changes though?

last fingers crossed that the new potential iron turns into an actual one and you definitely have the measure of slowburner...

Goldfish Fingers crossed for you too!

Freaky, I just messaged a friend on whatsapp and got that strange message about encryption. I asked if she'd changed her settings but she said no, so it must be some kind of update. Really hope Bacon doesn't cancel - I'm intrigued to know what he'll be like in real life (it is your first meeting with him, isn't it?)

314 I quite like a nerd. Though I guess it depends in what way he's nerdy...

Well I decided to be a bit moose burgery and send a breezy message to my hopefully new iron. Technically it doesn't count as I cut off the coversation this morning saying I was running out the door and on the way to London for the day, chat later... So I think it's totally ok to let him now that time is NOW! Hopefully he replies but hey ho, I'll do some swiping while I wait

That sounds fine to me, Last. Hope he replies!

Oh, it must be a general update then! Twas very weird but I am kind of glad as it gave us a chance to chat. Yep, first date Saturday! I am also intrigued....hope the Blarney banter translates to real life!

I responded to the nerd with an update. Very chatty.

He's not emotionally nerdy if that makes sense. Very easy to chat to but he is so educated he's nearly an encyclopaedia, loads of interests, loads of friends. He needs a better name than mr nerd. Dr NerdBigSmile.

ps. The results of my earlier experiment are that the one I messaged who I'd consider a notch above my league (if one believes in such constraints) he has replied. The shorter man who is 8 years older than I am - he hasn't replied. So OK cupid is right! If you're messaging, just message the ones you really do like the look/sound of. If you're going to be rejected you might as well be rejected by the great guys who could be choosy. It's a lesson for me.

That's interesting, 314. I never, ever message the really good-looking men, as I just assume they wouldn't be interested. But maybe next time I see someone really gorgeous (admittedly rare on POF!) I'll just go for it.

Freaky yeh, I remember that I had two gut instincts about Mr Canceller. 1) that he had a tendency to be a bit of a hermit/reclusive anyway and 2) that he had experienced so much rejection in his marriage that it had harmed him. And well, I was right, he thought (erroneously) that I hadn't replied to his email (and I had) he lashed out at me, out of sensitivity, defensiveness and hurt feelings. Can you imagine?! WAY too complicated.

And he said to me that he used to go for wounded women. Well, I have my shit together. So that scares him. Seriously. I am not thinking any ''not good enough thoughts'' at all.

He was funny though, and easy to chat to. He needs a bit more therapy though. And I'm not saying that out of sour grapes because he didn't like me. I'm saying that because I think the half wit did like me, and he threw his toys out of the pram a couple of times because I wasn't responding quickly enough or often enough. Geez.

Ok Captain Pugwash.
You asked for it, it's long.

Good points
At a similar point in life
Wanted all the same things as me I couldn't have made it up better myself
Fine looking
Great sex
Good cook
We got on like a house on fire, could talk for hours and hours
Said he wanted a woman who didn't mind him going away and wasn't possessive
Wanted someone independent
Compatible

Bad points
Said I was the biggest woman he'd ever been out with
Went away for the weekend and asked me if I wanted to go and stay, I said yes then at the 11th hour said we would go halves!
Man's man
Never sent the first text
Used to women falling into bed with him easily
Smoked
Vain
Previous drug taking that could easily be reignited

Interesting point
He came off Tinder after only a few dates with me I don't think I realised this might have been significant at the time.

Thursday night I stayed at his house it was bliss.
Early on Saturday morning he was going away for the weekend. He had asked me to stay in a hotel with him on Saturday night then just as I was leaving his house on Friday afternoon he said we'd go halves on the hotel. He's not short of money, it's his hobby, he'd invited me, I would have paid petrol to get there and he would have needed to pay for somewhere to stay anyway.
He was already in the sin bin after the biggest woman comment.
So when I got home on Friday evening I sent a text to say I wouldn't be going on Saturday night. We had a brief nice text exchange.
Then I didn't text all weekend because he had said early on that he wanted to be able to do his own thing without hassle. So I didn't hassle him.
But I did go on a date on Saturday night with Charidee and I was on Tinder and POF.

Yesterday still nothing from him then last night he was on Tinder.

Maybe I should have messaged him but I am the prize, right? I do think he liked me a lot but we've both got too much pride. He would have needed training up to appreciate that I am the prize. From some of the things he said he thought I was too 'good' for him I'm not

It's a shame because I fancied him a lot and I rarely fancy anyone, we could have had a great time together but it's supposed to be easy, right?

So that's that.

I think you did the right thing crying out of saturday nigth. Bit tight of him! What height is he 9irons? for the laugh, I'd tell him you only like tall men so good bye and good luck. This is funnier if he's fairly tall.

Good poractivity and experimenting 314 - I think it's right that messaging high is not a waste of your time.

I unmatched him on tinder i feel bad but i was struggling with the messages. The guy with the weight ridiculous weight range has removed it! I wonder if someone told him i nearly did myself!
Going to do some swiping before i go to bed and see what happens over night

Somebody message me. He is 6'5"

I am 5'2"

I am mean but I feel like sending his profile to H. But those extra three inches would take the extreme to the ridiculous. Pity, he's got a great line in banter.

Ah NineIrons that's a toughie re Pugwash.

Were you specific with your issue wrt the hotel stay?

I have just had the biggest curveball ever. My 11 month relationship 2014-15 ended things with me suddenly last sept (and didn't want to hear from me again).

We were increasingly in different places wrt getting over our failed marriages. I was setting myself free emotionally whereas he was still very much entwined and unhappy and hurt and butter with his ex. There were other issues too, very different approaches to parenting, him being quite anxious. He was a great friend to me. And the sex was off-the-chart amazing... Am totally at peace with the fact that it needed to end. But respect him hugely as a person.

Well I just got home to an envelope clearly written in his handwriting. Sent from a hotel in New Zealand. I remembered then he had planned that trip ages ago with his daughter.

So I opened the letter and read it on the loo. In it is a tale of how he still loves me and wants to be together. And that his life has moved on and he is in a new house and reminiscing about our holidays. And he never stopped loving me. And that the ball is in my court.

That is literally the BIGGEST curveball. EVER!!!!

Mean times I'm having hilarious text chats with Twix, who is on a film shoot.

Funny the stuff that happens in life

Oh Handy! What are you going to do?

No, I wasn't specific with my issue wrt the hotel, I didn't explain why at all, maybe I should have.
Fwiw my best friend thinks he will be back in touch. I don't know though. In the meantime I have distraction irons.

OMG Handy.

He's in New Zealand though. What are you supposed to do?. Would you get back with him if he really meant it?

Why did he end it Handy?