What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

And I'm a decade older than you 314 !! wails :(

But my lovely determined friend just got married again at 62 & she looked fab & was so loved up it was a joy to behold :)

BTW google article: 'how to handle rejection a new mode' it is so rare for me to get someone & (think) they get me that is why it is so so hard with M

Yeah 314 some of my friends think I'm too quick to reject someone eg on profession (& I think of them - how would you ever shortlist if you were interviewing for a job?!!)

I do read the profiles/messages but if those are incoherent & misspelt then it rather confirms that type of occupation says a lot about how you've spent yr life & the type of person its made you....its just horses for courses... I'm actually in awe of practical skills but need to have a meeting of minds with my only one....

Morning ladies! Sounds like there are some good things happening and for those who are waiting for messages...its their loss if they don't! So I'm going to go back online in a day or so but need to revamp my profile first. Any tips??

I read the article. Interesting what it says that you don't need everybody to like you, you just need one person to get you and accept you. Hmmm.

I'm definitely not going to allow men to tell me who I am and what I'm worth. But they're voting with their feet and I'm going to take my worth on holiday with me and it can lie on the sun bed next to me :-p

I think the harsh truth is that sometimes that that 'he/she totally gets me!" thing can be flowing with more speed in one direction than in the other. Bear is a philosopher and although I'm a thoughtful person with a high emotional quotient, I do not intellectualise everything like he does. So whilst he is attracted to something straightforward and honest and funny in me, and I see those qulities in him too, I can never really GET him. It's the mystery that sparks me.

But wrt to M - if he is going to let you slip through his fingers then there must be something wrong with him. He can't be that perfect, to make such a blunder. Fox and the Grapes. The fox comes out of it looking bad but the fox is right. Why hanker after what he cannot have. Better to down grade it. Dissonance?! Is that it? It makes sense to me. In theory. If I get to KNOW a man and then he decides he doesn't want me then I think less of him for that grave error of judgement.

ps, you're the fox in this scenario. You're the Fox ocelot :-p

My local is called the fox& grapes...I need to refresh my memory re the story... But yes - M has made the blunder....
Yrs I'm the Fox Ocelot

Well, I messaged The Nerd ocelot I bet he won't reply though. :-/ He's another one of those very efficient practical types who will have just written me off because I'm too old to have children, I have children of my OWN and........... I didn't go to university! What's wrong with back-packing round south america btw? Does he regard that as being very predictable, kind of like two weeks in Fuerteventura. I don't get that. Maybe he's right not to reply though. Now I'm hoping he doesn't. But I did say that I hope he didn't mind me just saying hello for the sake of saying hello.

Hello
Can I join please ?
I tried match and did meet a beautiful man and we have a fabulous year together before he left to work on the other side if the world . We're still great friends and may pick up in a few years ) if it's meant to be it will be type thing ) just not the right time for us now .
Anyway .... what the verdict on the OLD sites ?
I'm looking at cost and quality !!
I'm on Tinder atm and its ....interesting ! X

not that I want him to commit but I need to be TURNED OFF BY MEN WHO DON'T WANT TO BE A BOYFRIEND

I've taken the thread's advice and been looking for new men to chat to during the ten days or so I won't see MrThursdayNightCocktails... I think it's a good idea anyway as he's committed to taking me to the wedding but I get the feeling he's going to back off afterwards The new iron has suggested daytime drinks this week or next which should be fun! I've also arranged to go and see some comedy with my ex(!) tonight to keep busy...

I'm listening to this Amy girl on youtube and she is talking about women being a bit freaked out by men being 'nice'. She's saying that if it feels weird it's just because we're not used to it, not because it's not right. I like her. Check out her other clips.

She's just talking about how we always go for what feels familiar. Even if that's being the pursuer, focussed on winning a man round. That we will always choose that familiarity before we will take a risk and choose something that feels different.
I need to trust my gut less I think. I mean, I can tell an abuser a mile away and I will listen to that of course! but my gut leads me to men who aren't quite as available as they should be, casting me in the role of the woman who has to win them over cos they're not quite there. That's familiar to me.

Trills
What job has Mr Canceller told you he's got? If he is actually working in a customer-facing job then yes it's likely he'd frequently be working part 6pm.

I've just had a bit of an epiphany. While I have nothing against sex on the first date and have done so previously on plenty of occasions and gone on to turn some of them into relationships (a marriage, in one case!) - telling a bloke that you don't DTD on date 1 is actually a great way to test if he respects your boundaries, or if he's the kind of pushy jerk that will try to get his own way right from the get go. (A la my date this weekend!)

Do other women get advised this sort of thing by their mums? My mum is a waste of space and basically just told me not to have sex until my wedding night. If only I had a daughter to pass this knowledge on to. Well at least my (adult) DS is fully aware of everything around consent.

be your own mary poppins

I have messaged two men ocelot Given up on decent men messaging me!

One didn't want to meet up six months ago. The other, he's 8 years older and older 5'8" which means 5'6". So if he doesn't respond I'll be half relieved. I should aim higher as well as aiming lower. Spread the risk.

OMG now its a race! :)

Foxtrot you started yet?

ocelot one more post, about professions, and then I'd really better get going.... two years ago I did something at work for a man who happened to be a plumber. He came to my house and fixed my toilet but he caused a flood! He was really easy to talk to, we texted and emailed and his spelling was faultless, he never once misunderstood me, or I him, but he was a shit plumber, and I'm a shit secretary so we were a match made in heaven :-p except he was 8 years younger than me, and he lived at home with his Dad and was in love with his dog. But apart from that.... he was nice :-p

Actually, in all seriousness, I'm going to go 50:50 when I message men. Half of them, I sense I may be pitching too eye, half of them, I'm not fussed but I'm taking a punt and giving them a chance.

{white coat on} gonna write this one up in my hard back lab book

Harriet pleased he messaged you. Have you arranged to see one another again? Are you in the north west? I'm a single mum and it can often be hard juggling dating and work around a small child, my dd is nearly 3. Sometimes I can't arrange further dates for 10 days if she's not seeing her dad.

Fox sorry crumpet has possibly ghosted, what is wrong with these men?! Honest to god it does my head in. I'd rather have an awkward I don't want to see you again text than all this ghosting bollocks!

I have a few new irons on tinder, but I'm still a bit where my dating mojo is concerned!

MrRoland, I think sometimes we need to take a step back and remind ourselves that our lives are pretty damn fine without a date, so I did that. I had planned a month. Not sure if I'll give myself a whole month off. But right now I am channelling ''great life'' for a whole month.

I find the juggling hard too. My kids are older but I can't leave them during the day, so when men suggest meeting for lunch, as they sometimes do, or, a coffee at four pm or something like that, it's a pain to have to explain it all. I don't explain actually. I just say, no, evening suits better.

My morning of listening to pep talk clips on you tube has done me the world of good! the sun is shining now. I'm going to buy myself a pair of so cool they'll freeze you if you look at me sun glasses now.

Hmmm, Bacon has either unmatched me or deleted his Tinder account That's not a bad thing, right? Trying desparately not to overthink...

That might be a good thing, freaky - think positive!

MrM has cancelled tonight, I think he's moved on

Roland He is a single dad and the child rarely see's their mother, so I understand it must be hard for him but i think he has a good family who help out! He has texted me today and asked me about an event i have tonight and if i'm looking forward to it which was nice. He hasnt opened my reply yet but I know he is taking his child out today. There has been no mention of another date - do i wait for him to ask or do I casually bring it up? The distance wouldn't really bother me if I knew what stage we were at, but the whole dating thing is so new to me and it's blumming hard getting used to it again!

Yeah, I know. It's just that communication has been a bit less frequent, yet he's been on WhatsApp a lot... However, 1) if we had been messaging lots over the past month (!) before even meeting it would have built expectations to an unbearable level so less frequent communication is FINE and 2) he's perfectly entitled to be swiping and chatting to whoever he wants!

Just need to maintain positivity until Sat when I can wow him with my real life awesomeness!

I am so sorry about MrM He's a complete twunt.