What a horrid evening. I'd been really busy all day. Had a conference call that I was presenting in at 5pm. Had to hang up on that ("FV has left the call") to collect DS1 (not a big deal, but still...).
When I told DS1 in the morning he would either need to ask his Dad to collect him or work at school and get a latter bus he just said "hmmmm, I think I'll wait at school". He knows how unreliable his Dad is.
So I left my work bolt hole, walked home, ex and DS2 there. I'd cooked most of the dinner in the morning ready to be heated and rice cooked and veggies steamed. Get back to see ex is cooking for DS2 but not DS1. Again. Went to collect DS1 - unravelled a bit in the car. Back home and asked ex if he was going out as said on calendar. It didn't look like he was making any moves to go. He said no and that's when my evening went down hill.
Took myself for long walk, asked ex directly to do some rice and veg for DS2. Called Samaritans and had long and angry, tearful rant. Ended up near a friend's house (I'd been traipsing over the fields and their family are farmers), so txt her to ask if I could pop in to see her new baby. That was lovely and put a smile on my face.
Back home and ex had not done rice or veg. FFS. House bloody mess. Still only 7.15pm and ex sitting there with his smug bloody face making a mess, monopolising DS2. Could feel blood pressure rising so went off for run. In the dark, off road, up hills, in the wind! Brilliant! Stopped off at pub on the way back where I knew my boot camp pals would be. Stayed there till just gone 9pm then back home. Pottered about. DS2 still awake, waiting for me to tuck him in. He's confused.
Then started cleaning up at about 10pm, but just couldn't cope. Looked in fridge and he's filled it with crap - NOT the sign of someone about to leave. No room for my stuff - how fucking dare he use MY fridge. It just tipped me over. Called Samaritans again. Then carried on cleaning. SO resentful, tired and angry. Was losing control so took myself (in my post shower freaky hair state) to my neighbour. Was nearly hysterical at this point. She calmed me down.
Was very tearful again this morning, but am feeling better now.
Mortgage people said it might be done early next week.
Police have confirmed that if he doesn't go when house in my name that I can call them and they'll turf him out for breaching the peace. And ignoring me counts as breaching the peace.
It was him not going out which tipped me over. I'm just managing to keep it together knowing when my respites are.
He's working from 3 till late today and tomorrow me and the DSs are off to DS1's last Uni open day.
AND I'm just about to book our next holiday. Head has said DS2 can have term time off (right at end of summer term) so we can take advantage of DS1 finishing early (A levels). Flights are less than 1/2 the price at that time.