The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

What the actual hell is his obsession with your socks?

Note saying he needs car 11.30
Your response by text - Sorry but that's not possible. I will back at 12pm when you can have use of MY car!
And then ignore any shite he might throw at you.

Good, I'm literally steaming for you. Fuckin' dick head! Grrrrr...
How you put with it is amazing. I think I would have killed him by now (I know I would have).
Well done! Keep going.

The calendar says he's working from 11am.
STILL waiting for him to go. Am trying to get house in order so that I can enjoy the time he's out.

According to the police, as the car was bought as a family car, I can't just tell him "it's mine, you can't use it" (far too scared to do that anyway), and until I take him off insurance he can still use it. I am not brave enough to do that.

I am SO tense.

His pile of skanky things that I won't touch is getting bigger: ruined frying pan, fish slice, glass jug....
I have bought my own and hide them.

Right, he's gone until late. Hooray!!

I am thinking about ex-parte non-mol order (grounds for ex-parte being that I am too scared to give him warning that I have filed for it.

hells not so easy to just ignore. Really. Standing up to him results in verbal abuse.

for you jelly

Whatever you say, you are brave.

Very soon, you will be free of him.

May I ask will he try to gain residency of the children?

He has asked for 50% residency of DS2 (7) and to let DS1 (17) choose.

Where he ends up living with have impact on whether 50% for DS2 is granted. Since he can't manage to look after children and work I do wonder how he'll manage.

He told me I had to cancel upcoming "jolly" [conference] in which I am hosting a workshop) because it meant he's had to turn work down. Doesn't bode well for him convincing anyone he can manage.
Yes, he called my conference a jolly, that's how supportive he is of my work.

Oh and this is after threats of fighting for full residency of DS2 due to the "things I have on you". Obviously bollocks but when it's being yelled at you when already feeling vulnerable and broken it really hurts.

Hello again Jelly. I'm glad you are still here, because I can reassure you that most manipulative men going through a divorce will threaten to want 100% / 75% / 50 % make up your own figure custody of DCs, even if before they could barely raise their arse from the sofa. They know it's the best way to get at you.

They will also make you're mad / you need help / you're unstable accusations. I know, because mine did. Miraculously, all of my MH problems disappeared when he left

It is part of The Script. Knowing that makes it just a tiny, tiny bit easier to deal with.

Oh yes, XH discussed my "psychosis" with the GP apparently. I do not have and never have had psychosis. Depression, yes - three guesses why! And he had stuff on me too, most of which was simply untrue and the rest was not illegal or even, in most normal people's view, wrong. He would make a point of hurling these accusations in front of the DC so that they didn't know quite what to believe. Lovely fellow. We've been divorced 8 years as of yesterday.

Relate called me today. Police had referred me following my meeting yesterday.
She didn't have the exact details and I don't know what situations flag up for a referral.
She wanted to know whether STBX would be willing to talk to them.

I was feeling strong, level-headed and calm (STBX out all day) and told her everything. She soon changed her mind [hollow laugh].
She was nice enough, but couldn't really offer me anything.

Have written to my solicitor to clarify things and to get things in line to apply to Court if he hadn't submitted Form E by the 8th.

Meanwhile he's crossed out mid week work days but added most weekends. This means he will be home during the week which I won't be able to cope with. I work from home full time. Then is he thinking he can have the car all weekend every weekend?

Jelly, the sock thing is a pathetic show of dominance and power. Probably coupled with the fact that he's a lazy bastard who won't wash his own socks.

And what's his trump card he reckons he has?! Shine light on it Jelly - he's counting on your possible 'shame' about whatever shite he thinks he has, to keep you down. Uurgh- fucking bully.

Can you sell your house, give him whatever, then buy one all by yourself for you and DC?

Where will your DC (17) chose? Do they talk about your situation at all?

Hope you're ok.

The socks, when I asked him why he was wearing them he said it was because I didn't buy him any, in such a way that he really thought it was my duty and because I wasn't fulfilling it I deserved to have my socks ruined by him.

I cant sell the house under his nose, it's his as well. Police told me that because there is a young child witnessing things we would be housed if I fled. Obv don't want that.
He has the means to leave now and I can then give him the rest of his share when I take over sole ownership of the house. Doesn't suit him to do that clearly.

I hope 17 YO will choose to stay here. He doesn't talk about the situation at all. Until STBX stops blaming me we can't talk to the boys. I am not going to give STBX any opportunity to say I have influenced DS1 so am not talking about it with him at all. I would dearly love to.

I'm in a similar situation with almost identical car issue, though not in the divorce process. Fortunately he doesn't live here so I don't have it in my face all the time. I really feel for you.

Oh jelly I feel for you. I divorced last year after years of EA from a controlling man who used the "I can play dirty if you get a solicitor involved" card.
Luckily I did
You are in a strong financial position which I wasn't, and will get through this.
But it's awful while he is there.

I hope he gets custody of all remaining socks ( including odd ones) and you can get on with a happy life.

I honestly don't know how you're managing to live under the same roof as him - I'd kill him

I have no knowledge about these things at all so apologies if I sound simple but when exactly can you make him move out? Can you even?

You can't go on living like this, especially after the divorce. When can something 'give'? Again, sorry if I sound thick

jelly stay strong. You can do this.

(In respect of the socks can you just buy nice bright glittery ones? Or will he wear these too?)

I understand that you don't want to do anything to antagonise him and that's probably wise, and you are already aware that his actions are a deliberate ploy to undermine you, gain control and get what he wants. See it for the pathetic attempt that it is and be subtle. If he texts you for the car then politely text back along the lines 'will do my best but may not be back until 12pm' - then ignore anything further. And yes, I agree, buy yourself some feminine socks and let him have your hand me downs. He must have very small feet - which is surprising as he clearly is a very big dick! Lol

Is it possible to purchase a second car, I know it's a big purchase but if you can then it would take away one issue you have with him?

Not doing well.
We have this ongoing issue with him insisting the bike rack stays on the car.

I hate it. I remove it. He yells at me.
He's now locked it to the car. Now what??

I have bought new socks. They are lovely and not full of grit and holes.

He won't leave until things are finalised or I get an injunction.

Have snapped at both kids.

He only wants it on the car because you don't.

You are under enormous amount of stress at the moment you are bound to snap occasionally.

Feel for you.
Hope this makes you smile x

Hacksaw it off?

Get that injunction, take him off the insurance and change the locks. When he kicks off, call the police, it shows you needed the injunction.

Can you sell the car and buy a different one which he won't have a key to and won't be insured on? I know it's not as easy as that. Stay strong op!

Controlling to the last I second getting seven pairs of lovely pink, sparkly socks but then I'm like that. Or Savages ones but I figure they might antagonise him a step too far

He took the lock off