The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Nobody is judging jelly.

If you feel threatened at all at any time then do call the police.
It might be a good idea to phone 101 now and let them know the situation.
They can put you on a high alert priority list so when you do have to dial 999 they can get to you quickly.
You hopefully won't need it but might be worth doing to keep yourself safer.

NO amar .....do not tell me that "if you do not follow through" it's OK for him to abuse me. That puts the responsibility on ME for HIS behaviour. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?

I have called 101 and added today's incident to the earlier incident. Was on hold for ages and nearly hung up in tears.

There is no such things as "just logging", they have to follow up in cases of DV. I have insisted that I am physically safe and she said that she will put on my notes that I DO NOT want them to come to my home but am happy to go to station to talk to someone. They will call me later.

She advised me to call NCDV to see whether I am eligible for a non-molestation order. While the level of abuse is not that great (ie no immediate physical danger), because we are living in the same home that puts me and the children at higher risk.

She also said the council would have a duty to house me (and the kids) if I decided to leave and that I do have a right to leave with the children.

You know why he kicked off? Because he is losing control. You're getting there. Keep going jelly. You're doing the right thing for your kids.

You really are doing all the right things here.
You'll get there this time.
Just take it at your own pace.
Get all the support you can from your outside sources.
Hoping you manage to get away from this abusive prick soon.

Oh jelly well done on phoning 101 - that's just a little bit more grist to your mill

And don't minimise the abuse just because he's not currently violent. He really is a grade A abusive twunt

Jelly I'm sorry you can't end see an end it sight, but it will come, if he delays any more then I suggest taking it to court with no more threats and nagging. In the meantime just live and do whatever is necessary for you to get through this period of time, if it appears best you do nothing then don't, you can still come here to vent. Although I do think it's important these episodes are logged in case you do need to take further action.

He's gone until much later.
Is it bad that I've put all his stinking cycling kit that he leaves draped over kitchen chair, in a bag in a cupboard? I'll put them back out later.
We are not meant to interfere with each other's things. But they are rank.
I honestly don't know what's what.
I don't like him touching my things.

lam my solicitor has pen poised to go to court if form E is not exchanged by 15th April.

Hang on in there Jelly. I'm glad you're back. We are all here to support you despite one or two others. None of us are walking in your shoes though, and God forbid we ever do

What were his "home truths"? I'd be interested to see how he tries to justify his appalling behaviour.

It's perfectly fine that you put his sweaty stuff in a bag. There is an urgent "escape now" feel about your last.

i have def worded something very carelessly,op. I for sure wd never say it's ok for anyone to be abusive, espec as i had my share of that before i LTB. Apologies for the mismessage . Do what you have to do , when you are able to do it.

Don't be scared of the court option Jelly. My ExH played exactly the same game of stringing everything out - it's been a year and a half since I left and we are still not yet divorced. But I did find that things sped up a bit once courts where involved and they are far more persuasive at getting info out of him.

Does he earn anything at all? Can you take copies of as much paperwork as possible? You can't use this in your legal case but it might be useful for finance proceedings in terms of jogging your memory on things. Mine was - eg he wouldn't pay child maintenance so I had to send them his tax return as proof of his earning. Just worth keeping these things in mind. I know how scary it is to ask for the smallest thing from an abusive H, this helped me feel a little more in control.

Another thing is I used to text him with stuff I was scared to say. I would send the text when I was at work so he couldn't shout at me. We had lots of arguments by text which was easier and gave me breathing space. Also meant I had a record of arguments whenever I wobbled. I'm thinking of you.

I hadn't read any posts yesterday but wow, you're doing great!
It must be so hard to stand up to the bully but you're doing it!
Keep going

Thank you all. I am reading and thinking about your posts, they are appreciated.

I am meant to be working so will reply fully later (if I can).

ama thank you for your apology.

I've been to the police station this morning. He was very kind. It's good to find out things from the legal side ie what they can do or what I should go to someone else for (solicitor, Women's Aid). I also have his direct email and contact details, which is good.

A couple of incidents of EA from stbx today.

Name While I admit I am scared of the court option, that's not my main concern about going down that route, it's that he will then have a further 6 weeks to produce Form E and then it can another 3 months for the hearing. At least I think that's what my solicitor said. I don't think I can stand that.

He does have a job. No idea what it is. I am not asking him to provide anything financially. I have been supporting him for years. He can support himself now.

We mainly communicate by txt and notes. I am often very, very wary of going into the kitchen wondering what 'instruction' or surprise or 'demand' awaits me.

tip I did put his stuff in a bag, but I was so anxious about forgetting to put it back exactly how it was I don't think it was worth it.

munter Home truths are where he tells me how like my Mother and sister I am. My Mother is dead and my sister has MH issues - pretty despicable of him really.
I am selfish, greedy, deluded, ill etc. I don't even listen to all that really....more the practical stuff about how he'll make things really difficult for me, or makes jibes "oh go on then....what you going to do, call the police?" [yes I will do just that]

Solicitor has put forward date to file for court. Exchange of Form E is meant to be 15th April, which takes into account his solicitor having time to review it ie we can know before the 15th whether he even sent it to them. It will now be the 8th April.

She advises I get an injunction if it gets too much.

You are doing all the right things and you will soon be free.
Well done

Jelly, yes, he really is despicable.

How does he treat your DC? What does he bring to their lives?

The thought of you dreading walking into your own kitchen because of the tone in the notes he leaves you makes me anxious on your behalf. Who's names are on the deeds for the house?

His jibes how he will make things difficult - he really is a top bastard isn't he? What does he threaten to do exactly? It sounds like I'm being nosy, but I suppose I want to shed light on his bully boy behaviour and help support you. I've recently NC'd too but have been around this board for years and seen the vast wisdom around here. You are living in an abusive situation I feel and we want to help you hoist the man, OUT.

Keep going with taking him off the insurance, get back the keys.

Take your name off the joint account, go into the bank and tell them. Tell him it's done.

My other advice is to take out cash back when shopping every single time and put that cash somewhere safe out of the house and don't touch it. All a judge will care about is a fair spilt of assets. You don't want to have to give him money. Pay up front for everything you can for the DC, like nursery etc.

And my ex dh wouldn't even supply a form e, so the show rumbled on. We are divorced but still the finances aren't resolved despite court over and over again.

laven thank you for the advices don't think I can take his name off the joint account, in the same way he can't take my name off. I can stop my money going in there as soon as I've transferred DDs.

I am entirely financially independent of him so (thankfully) that isn't an issue.

munter
He says he has things on me, including a trump card.
Says he can sink down to my level, that he can play dirty, like me.

Previously it was "teasing" me about my hair and clothes.

I've had a lot of "you know I'm right" when he's gone off on a tirade about how selfish I am, or bad with money.
It was an eye-opener to accept that despite being main bread winner and supporting him he was (is) financially abusive.

He is like a nanny to the kids - takes them out, hangs out with them doing all the fun things, going on holidays.

He's very lax with DS2 (7) who is getting very bratty.

We both own house. I can buy him out.

AGAIN.
Note saying he needs car 11.30.
I rush around town with DS2 running errands.
Txt from him at 11.20 ie as we're on our way home : "need car at midday".

I didn't even see txt till I got home, and he's sitting eating his lunch (wearing my socks).

Controlling arse.