The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Thank you for your support, advice and suggestions.

amar I will ask my solicitor about the implications of residency etc if I feel I need to move out. I believe that if I am moving out due to the intollerable situation at home (and I have all the evidence in the world to back that up) then it won't go against me. DS1 is 17 so will decide where he lives anyway. DS2 is 7 and stbx wants him 50%. Since he can't manage to work and juggle childcare I don't know how he thinks he's going to manage. I'm not thinking about it at the moment, not until finances are resolved. If he moves too far away then there will be the issue of school. He believes I'll be doing all the ferrying. Yeah....right.

fresh divorce is the ONLY way I can get him to leave. He will NOT leave until he is made to. It's too nice for him here (clearly not living in the same world as I am). I pay all the bills, do all the housework...well everything really. If he had just left maybe I would not have gone down this road...yet.

Lord in reality I think me moving out won't happen. I can't afford it and I don't want to, but I feel so trapped and anxious. Instead I will probably take up the offers of my dear local friends who have offered to put me up if I need it - just to give me some space. He barely works so is just HERE so much of the time. I may try and get some office space on the campus I used to work at (and where I still have colleagues, it wouldn't be hard to arrange), but that brings in problems of its own.

amar I've never owned a dog! Adding that to the mix right now wouldn't be a great idea.

Am on my way to airport and just got a txt from him saying his CDs are all over floor of car and he'll call his solicitor if it happens again.

This is the man who had broken things of mine (including things of my late mother), always interfering with my things....

I pressure it was a way to try and frighten me while I am away for a few days (work). Am ignoring.

The CDs fell on floor when I braked sharply when I was about to reverse Into someone.

What a twunt!!! Let him waste his time & money!

KOKO enjoy the break from him.

His CDs are all over the floor of your car, yes his solicitor will be all over that one. He really is one special twerp.

Getting some office space for yourself sounds like a brilliant idea.

'Well, perhaps you should remove them from my car then! Hope that helps'.

Hope you can see the funny side of that! I don't even know him and I know he won't go to a solicitor!

Gettin space out of the house to work is a great idea.

You know, I didn't even get the irony in his txt. I'm so used to being "wrong", not challenging him just for a quiet life.

In fact the police told that even though the car is in my name, as it was bought as a family car, it's not really "mine". I can change that I know.

I hope you are enjoying the break from him and the head space.
Keep ignoring his texts.
He really is feckin' twat.
Still cheering you on over here!
KOKO.

I'm just letting you know that I think you are incredibly brave and strong. I don't have any advice to offer you but I'm thinking of you and hoping this comes to some sort of resolution asap. Stay positive, think how much more simple and pleasant life will be in the future. Hopefully that thought will get you through.

Thank you. I really am enjoying my respite from it all. I was anxious that it would cloud everything while I was away (conference), but it's not.

Only one person here knows my situation and we had sort of planned to have dinner together one night, just the two of us, but I am feeling inclined not to (I see her back in the UK anyway).

It is very, very good for me to see that I quite easily get back to my usual self when away from the situation. I know I have to face the music when I get back and that almost feels unreal right now, but I'll go with it!

On my way back home from airport. Can't wait to see the kids (tomorrow) obv, but dreading just about everything else.

He txt me (knowing I would be in conference) saying he needs car both Saturday and Sunday.

is it possible for you to say that you need the car from x-y on sat and y-z on sunday. ?

No, cos he's pre-empted me and told me what time he needs it for work.

I need to get DS2 new school shoes. Will have to take him this evening.

Woke at 5.15am with stomach in knots. Calendar announces ANOTHER few days away over next 1/2 term with DS2. Will have to talk to him about the need to discuss these things.

No, cos he's pre-empted me and told me what time he needs it for work.

Look, he is not the boss of you. You can respond 'Unfortunately I need it for the kids both those days'.

Sorry if I've missed something but does he need the car to do his job or just commute? Could e take public transport or could you drop him?

Last time I stood up to him doreen I ended up having to call police. I am scared to put myself in that position again.

vince it's for commute. No good public transport where we live. I would rather do without car than have to drop/collect him as the thought of being in the car with him is awful. I'm not safe to drive under those circumstances.

Hello op. When I saw the date today I thought of you. Is it D Day today?

bit
Thank you for thinking of me. Yes, I will hopefully speak to my solicitor today and see what's what.

I am a mess.

I've been reading the Bancroft book about how EA effects the children and it's made me feel awful. In trying to stand up to him or be strong and try and maintain my own standards and dignity, they just end up seeing me failing to cope with what he dishes out to me - crying, being impatient, moody, so it's no wonder DS2 wants to be with fun Daddy.

Just this morning I said I wanted to do school run for DS2. I've been away all week so wanted to have some time with him. stbx would not leave me to it. I try and assert myself but playing Monopoly and doing rough and tumble with Dad is way more fun. He just couldn't let me have a peaceful hour with my boy. Did the school run hiding my tears under my umbrella.
He's still here now. I need to get the house back in order - it's disgusting. He didn't do any laundry, the kitchen is sticky, bathroom yuk - just gross.

Don't be doing his laundry!
Put his dirty shite on his bed and leave him to it.
It's a hard step but hopefully you can do that???

I don't wash up the things he uses - just pile 'em up and put them in the oven.

He barely washes his clothes - just wears them stinky.

Anyway, talked to solicitor. We are going to apply to the court for financial disclosure. Arse. He's had all week with the kids in school when he hasn't worked (or done any bloody housework) to do them. It will put a time frame in place.

I am getting together my evidence to send to her to apply for an occupation order - police reports, GP letter, all manner of stuff I've written in my miserable diary.

Banging headache now.

Well done OP.
Headaches are awful.
Keep yourself hydrated.
He's had all week to think about ways to wind you up a bit more.
And he's succeeding. Detach, ignore and walk away!

Anyone around to talk to hold my hand? Really struggling....

I have no advice to give, but sending hugs x

I'm here. Can offer little advice for dealing with that sod, but I'm listening.