Husband touching me and himself whilst asleep

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I don't know what to think of this.

I was woken up this morning by my husband. He was gropping my arse and wanking. Just after this, our older child stirred and he stopped.

I lay there, shocked and bemused, trying to make sense of it all. A few minutes after DC1 settled, he started gropping me again. He only stopped when DC2 woke a few minutes later for a feed.

I asked him WTF he was playing at, and he claimed he'd been asleep and had no recollection of it. He said he was hurt that I'd think he'd do that to me consciously and that I should trust him more.

He definitely did do that. The point is whether or not he was conscious. I don't know what to do.

I grabbed my dh by the willy when I was asleep once, I was murmering something about cleaning the patio so I must have thought he was the hose.

Shouldn't laugh but it's the way you wrote it? did he tell you off? I would not be impressed with my bits being grabbed and you would be sleeping on the patio! Not under it as that would be an overreaction...

I don't know why this is seen as trolling.

Not to purposefully drip feed, but we haven't dtd for about a couple of months as I haven't healed well after the birth of DC2 and I'm awaiting hospital referrals to work out what's gone wrong with my bits.

Willy = hose

I think I strikebmy dhs arse when im horny. Is that so wrong

Unless you've missed something out or he has form for other unwanted behaviour, I can't see how it's sexual assault?

My DP and I often do rub, or grope, eachother in bed. It's initiating sex? If you don't want it and say no that's a different story.

Oh I don't strike it . Bloody hell. I stroke it!

Glitter you're being awful! Stop it! You don't have ANY reason to think this is not real. I've seen these type of issues on MN LOADS and it is common.

ThroughThickAndThin me too. I had a phase of waking my DP up kissing his neck and stroking his back/bum . Weird to think it would be considered sexual assault. How are you meant to try it on, verbally ask every time?

Sagging because he knows sex is off the cards as my groin is so messed up, and because he thought I was asleep and stopped when he thought I might wake up.

How is that not sexual assault?

It would be reassuring to think it wasn't real though.

You should have posted on feminism
OP. They're more on your wavelength over here.

So my partner does something similar to this, he is definitely asleep! However, if a noise (me, the wind, both, whatever) distracts him he will snap out of it fora moment but then almost fall back in. I have to properly loudly wake him up to stop him, it's really, really odd and he is mortified the day after.

No for me it doesn't really change it at all Ginkypig
No one should ever touch another person while they are asleep in a sexual way ever.

I find this statement ridiculous in a secure and loving relationship. My DH and I regularly have contact sexually in our sleep - if it's unwanted at any time I will say so and go back to sleep, as will he. I don't call it sexual assault because he dared to touch me when I was sleeping.

Like I say, the details matter. If the OPs DH has a habit of encroaching on her body in an unwanted fashion causing her to feel her body isn't her own then fine.
But one arse caress/boob squeeze does not equate sexual assault in a normal and healthy relationship.

We definitely stroke/hug/kiss when we are half asleep. I had no idea I was a sexual predator because I didn't check with dh first. I thought that was what lovers/partners in a loving relationship did.

Willy = hose

Haha!
I didn't know what I was doing but your dh sounds like he did op or else why did the dc coming in stop him? Unless its an instinct thing or he was almost awake. It's odd behaviour but I've done all sorts when asleep, its embarrassing and I have no recollection.

If you feel he crossed a line that is your call and you need a talk so he knows not to do it. I understand you can't have sex (that wasn't in the OP), so in that case he shouldn't have. Could have have been hoping for some other 'intimacy' that was full sex?

Yes I'm sure the feminism board would agree much more.

If you really feel he assaulted you on purpose you can't let it drop. Is this out of the blue or have their been similar incidents?

We definitely stroke/hug/kiss when we are half asleep. I had no idea I was a sexual predator because I didn't check with dh first. I thought that was what lovers/partners in a loving relationship did

If both of you have legitimate reason to believe there is or is likely to be a reasonable expectation of consent then of course it's ok.

It becomes not ok when no such thing exists or is likely

That sounds like a crappy marriage then. Glad I'm not in one of those.

I've been reading this and think maybe you need to look into why you feel this is crossing the line, if you do then obviously he has but many loving relationships have kind of half asleep groaping. Is there anychance that your dh was half asleep and in his half asleep state forgot that sex is off the cards and was just trying to start things up? Only you know op, I think people are being very harsh and im sorry your having a hard time

Could have have been hoping for some other 'intimacy' that was full sex?

And here I was, thinking that 'hoping' involved, well, hoping. Not touching an unconscious, non-consenting person sexually.

If you don't like it then tell him and seek a solution - that solution may be him being told you don't like it!

However, I don't know if him stopping when the children made noise meant he was awake. After a while, parents seem conditioned to wake from a deep sleep when they hear their children.

As well as that, it wouldn't be called sexual assault in our bedroom. It may get "stop I'm trying to sleep", "do that quietly" or, well, you know

and it's been done by both of us to the other.

SmillasSenseOfSnow - if you both stay 'hoping' then nothing would be done. She wasn't drunk. She was asleep and likely to wake up.

In a marriage things are different aren't they. I had my ass squeezed this morning in my bathroom. I didn't give consent. I wasn't going to as I was running late for work but didn't have an issue with it.

I meant to ask you OP, do you think you'd feel the same if everything was okay with you and sex wasn't "off the cards". Also, sex doesn't have to be 'sex'. Maybe he was hoping for something that was possible.

I can't ducking believe this thread. The op feels violated and upset and your all taking the piss. Fucks sake man.

So groping and wanking on a sleeping persons ok now is it?