Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Oh, I know, I know 314. I totally understand what he's about. It's all good, really. I am definitely not contacting him again now. I'm feeling very zen about the whole thing. I think it's because I feel like I've handled the whole thing well, so all I have to do is wait and see....(and study and eat Mini Eggs in the meantime!)

A surprisingly large number of my (non-Irish, non-religious) friends are all seeing family for Easter, I feel like I will be the only one left in this city.

Show me a great guy in his 50s in Yorkshire - more likely to see a Phoenix wails :(

Yes, productive stalking DrFoxtrot.

Firstly, I have no idea how you all keep up with this thread and maintain a life outside of [envious] (no emoji).

ALaughaminute fab news on divorce- shite on July extension of living together, but hang on in there!

Handy enjoy the 'waggles'

Waving I'm sorry that you've had a moment today of feeling a bit fraught, but have a deep breath and think it's only a week that he's off grid-? Time to boost you're energies again?

Ocelot7 I would do text in your circs. For me as a protective thing, as it could be perceived as an 'after thought'. " having a clear out of my contacts, and you came up" type of thing?

Foxtrot "Retard ex" ... Bin!!! What a nasty expression.

Can I ask you all a question?
I've just taken the plunge and joined POF, and it's all a bit overwhelming! As well as messages in my in-box, there is a page called "meet me", with a seemingly endless list of profiles. I can't work out where they come from - are they random profiles who've paid to be upgraded and therefore get shown around, or are they people who've seen my profile and liked it?

Also, what is the messaging etiquette? Should I reply to every message I get, even if I check the profile and know immediately that I'm not interested?

It's very time-consuming isn't it? Feels a bit like going to an absolutely enormous supermarket when you only want one thing!

Ah..... Back from 'spontaneous Twix pint'. Pub was lovely - friendly, open fireplace and nice vibe. I was nearer the village than him. He drove 40mins to have one pint with me !

Lovely sitting and chatting. I felt a lot more relaxed this evening. We sat at a table chatting and he just took my hand in his. Like it's just second nature and what you do. Twice he did that. Physically he's a lot more forward than verbally. Am acclimatising, I think. He's mentioned me in passing to his parents. And seemed to be thinking about spending time together when my kids are abroad at Easter. He thinks this stuff, but doesn't say it. In that slightly scatty, creative way. He's texted already. I feel calmer and more able to go with the flow... Although we were going to have a date on Tuesday but now looks like his work will get in the way. Could potentially be 10 days til I see him next! Am never gonna last that long! But need to stay cool and not lose my shit. Am still totally about him.

jolly the 'meet me' thing is like a Tinder-type function within POF. Not everyone can access it. It's people who have paid s subscription who are listed on there. So it's not people who've look at your profiles.

I found it a waste of time because people would swipe right but never send a message. Or maybe that's just me!!

POF message etiquette is only reply if you want to.

Thank you.
You certainly need a thick skin for this don't you. I had a nice message exchange with a man this morning before I'd got around to adding a profile picture. He said he was looking forward to seeing my photo as I sounded so lovely. Since my photo has been put on he hasn't messaged back, despite being logged on all day. Clearly doesn't like the look of me. No big deal of course, but if I was feeling insecure and down about my appearance I'd be hurt!

And I'm amazed at how angry and bitter some of the profiles are. Sure, we all get pissed off with being messed around, and we moan to our friends about it, but I'd never put it on a dating website profile!

Well Jolly he's clearly got no taste so bye bye to him

Ooh Handy so he's a 'tactile' man as opposed to a 'verbal' man? That's a bit of a MH thing going on there.. Last the 10 days if you can ( bloody nightmare!) but unless he breaks it, try and keep to it ( hard, I know .

Nail on head Lacoba ...is that an MH thing?

Yes. I know. I need to Last. Ten. Days.

Right then...

I think MH has a suggestion, where there is a 'break' in contact when you are 'getting it together' he suggests, that the guy does/ has most of the input (given that, it's his life that's intruding on the 'continuity'). I get that even without MH to be fair.

Twix does sound though!

Urgh my positivity is waning!! Nearly had a third tinder iron but the conversation was 'challenging' and at times made me feel stupid. He said he was being lighthearted but his comments were actually quite sharp and you wouldn't be able to tell if he was joking or not. I actually feel quite upset.

It has completely rattled me and I'm close to deleting my tinder profile. So I've one iron who puts inappropriate things about his ex on social media, one who I don't think I'm physically attracted to and one ex-match who wonders why he's still single when he blatantly can't talk to women. I feel like I can't be arsed to date. I just want to get back to my normal self. I need to step back and regroup.

Sorry to bring the thread down with this me me me post there are worse things happening in the world apart from my dating attempts.

So glad I did a stalk though and found out valuable information! Always a positive.

Freaky I'm the same, I'd be hanging on to the 'I hope' too. Keep yourself busy and distracted.

Handy what you have with Twix sounds like it's progressing so naturally.

Jollyphonics I'm only on tinder (not going well today but normally good), I've no experience of POF. But you do need a thick skin whatever app you use, mine is still developing!

Didn't answer your question Handy! Yes it's a lunchtime date, coffee for an hour. Almost could be a waste of time as he lives 100km away and I'm not physically attracted to him. But he's working in the area and is such a lovely interesting person, I though he was worth meeting. I'm trying to follow advice to just get out and keep meeting people.

I attended an OLD Happy Hour this week. It was fun. The place was very upscale and nice. We were in a private room. I met several nice looking men and funny women. I only had to deal with one yucky man who came on too strong to a lot of women there including me. I remembered him as someone who had looked at my profile before (more than once), but I was never interested. Facial hair. Blah. Interesting to see he had a very unappealing personality too. No one asked me for my phone number, but the OLD company sends out a list the next day to all attendees, so you can contact people. Maybe I will get a hit, maybe not. There were 3 men I would go out with if they asked.

On the way out, stopped in the club part of the place and met a lovely man. He says he goes there a lot especially on Fridays. I will be back as a regular customer to hopefully run into that man! He was not with the OLD group.

This was for people ages 40s through 60s.

Ah Foxtrot I think you're doing the right thing with your coffee date. Treat it all as just having fun meeting people. It's the right attitude. Something to be positive about in its own right.

That guy on Tinder sounds horrible. He must be a very self-unaware person. Not attractive. His problem not yours.

I hope you have a great coffee date whatever he turns out to be like.

PS from his profile pics I didn't think I would find Twix attractive. Oh how wrong I was. Just saying...

Bubbling good on you for going to an OLD event - sounds good!

Morning lovely people!!!

alaugh huge congrats!

News on today's date is that it is not happening. Many apologies and promises to reschedule but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Thank you all kindly for the congrats on my divorce. After yesterday's initial high I've woken up feeling a bit down today. As pathetic as it may sound, I'm scared im going to be my own for the rest of my life and that no one will ever love me again.

I had a look on OLD last night and there are only two men I like, but at 51, I am at the top of their age range which makes me feel that they might think I'm too old so I don't want to contact them in case they reject me. Plus I still haven't uploaded a photo and I need to rewrite my profile. The strange thing is that in RL I've had lots of offers from much younger men. When I told everybody at work I was getting divorced, the men were literally rallying round me like bees round a honeypot - needless to say that most of them were married and just after sex.

The thing is I really want sex. I want someone to hold me and tell me not to worry and that everything is going to be alright. I want to feel loved, desired and cared for and I'm wondering if that's ever going to happen.

Can I please ask the universe to send me a healing relationship? I need one now,. Please send him to me now!

Sorry this is so self indulgent - will come back and catch up with this thread later.

I don't want to contact them in case they reject me

It might help to not think of it as a "rejection".

Anyone might decide that they don't want to talk to you any more at any time. Before you've spoken, while you're speaking but haven't met, after you've met.

That's just because not all people are compatible.

It's not because there's anything wrong with you.