Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Maybe you should risk the phone call Ocelot but only if you are coming from a place of abundance, eg one date recently behind you, one lined up...... The abundance will make you breezy.

Ocelot I agree with Tanya that you may be setting youself up for a fall. His answer is more than likely to be no....he broke it off and he knows where you are if he wanted to contact you...and he hasn't.

However, I do understand the need to give it one last try so you can write it off and move on.

I think you need to be feeling really strong and happy generally to be able to contact him. To be honest, I think he best case scenario is that he just tells you it's not going to happen but you need to be prepared for a more complicated response! What if he wants to pick things up again and then breaks it off a month down the line? Or otherwise messes you around (intentionally or not)? What if he's seeing someone else now? You really need to prepare yourself for all possible responses, as much as you can.

If you do contact him, then I think your timing is good so that you'll have the support and distraction of your friends over the weekend, should you need it.

I really hope it works out for you, one way or another. x

Ocelot I'm sorry but I think his lack of contact is all you need to know. It's just going to hurt you more if you contact him and get a negative outcome, which sadly I think is likely.

Please don't give up hope of happiness with someone else. It can and will happen.

Hello everyone!

Ocelot I have nothing to add to what others have posted, I understand where you are coming from but by calling M you might be putting yourself on a "harder than needs to be" path. There is a good article on rejection on A New Mode that might help you a bit, I know it did when Maple made me feel really low.

Waving I think it is actually sensible to back off a bit, you two have been carried away with excitement, which is normal. But it also sounds like you both feel the need to get back to earth and that is pretty healthy!

Nothing very exciting to report here. KarmicIron is being fun and lovely, TinyGrey is wagging his tail at me (), MrOrganizedYogi is quiet and busy with his job interviews and I am simmering the hell out of Maple.

Quick question: my car broke down last Sunday and has been sent to a very unpractical location for repair that I cannot reach without a car. None of my friends drive/have cars. MrOrganizedYogi has one and does not have a job at the moment. Would it be too cheeky to ask him for a ride given that we have been on only one date? And I do not plan on sleeping with him anytime soon.

Jolly Doesn't MH say that one of the sexiest things you can say to a man is "I need your help with..."?

Thank you Waving. Yeah, I feel relieved and a bit scared because I've got to live with the bastard until July!

I can't think straight at the moment so will come back and read this thread later. If I'm not pissed, that is!

Yeah I'd ask for a lift jolly he can only say no, would you do same for him?

Well I saw MrBeard online n he hadn't contacted me at all whereas I got used to his morning texts so I sent him a message saying basically as I'd not heard n he was online that he might be chatting to someone else now n if that case then just let me know.

He text me 15 mins later saying no he liked me a lot and couldn't wait to see me again but no mentions of why online.

Oh well I'll just have to live with it...for now

God I sound sooooo needy!

Oh congrats Laugh - great news.

Yes I'm out with Twix later just to the pub then home (got kids) last minute suggestion from me. Him say YES!!! Can't wait to see him tries to suppress Labrador wagging

jolly am loving your work. As always. But if I wasn't going to sleep with the man I don't think I would ask for that sort of favour. That sounds superficial but you know what I mean.

waving - ooh gawd. Your mum. Good luck...

My therapist cancelled tomorrow. Am on my own for two weeks with my emotional shit. Actually no, I've got you lot! How lucky you are!!!!

Handy I think we all rely on this thread for therapy really! Have fun with Twix later.

Sparkle Don't look. Seriously, just don't. There could be any number of reasons why he's online but you'll only drive yourself crazy by looking. And possibly drive him away by acting too needy...I think once you are into the dating bit, you need to concentrate on how he is with you IRL, if that makes sense? Rule of thumb...do you like him? Do you like spending time with him? Do you like how he treats you? At some point down the line, you can have the chat about being exclusive and taking profiles down but it's too early yet, IMHO.

Right, I haven't been very thorough: my poor little car is currently about 1h away from where I live and from MrOrganizedYogi's parents (!) it should be at least 1h30. It is a very dodgy area and there is no way to make it a romantic thing (unless you count McDonald's).

As to sex, it is way too soon for me, he is VERY interested. And potentially only interested in that..

Basically I would be channeling my non existing inner damsel in distress, calling on his inner knight in shining armor to rescue me and my priceless coach.

So...is that too big of a step from "can you hold my jacket?" Hahaha

Thx for all yr replies..

I am thinking to just reestablish contact if possible NOT to immediately ask him can we start over.... Short breezyish call a la MH....if be doesn't want to even talk to me I think I have the bigger answer without completely offering my heart to be trampled on!!

I know not to say I love him or even that I. miss him....though might say I !I've the mix CDs he made me play them all the time (...& wish there were more)
An obscure US band he loves just put their last(?) CD out - I can mention that I just got my copy (assume its waiting at home) so thought of him... They are playing Manchester in April but better not mention in case I accidentally say take me! Take me!

I'm going to think of the abundance thing - so may try to look for some irons first (unlikely!)
Tinder said I had 70?! matches but sadly that's here in the Alps...yes I should probably.move here! :)

That sounds better Ocelot but still, think of this... you call, you have a nice, breezy chat about music etc, he's pleasant, friendly, happy to hear from you...and then what? Are you going to call him again? Wait for him to call you? And how will that make you feel if he doesn't?

I'm not trying to be a downer but I've been in similar situations with Mr2015. I could only message him if I was perfectly, honestly OK with him not responding, or not responding as I'd like him to. And it took me a loooong time to get there. I last messaged him about a month ago and he replied with a "thanks" and that was it and that was fine. A few months ago, it would have wrecked me.

I think you need to be OK with M doing a verbal equivalent of "thanks" and then not hearing from him again.

I think this is why messaging is better. You can do a really breezy "hey, how are you? Just got so-and-so's new CD and it's great! etc etc" I'd find it nigh on impossible to be breezy on the phone!

Hello everyone! Just trying to catch up with the thread after two days

Jolly I think asking for lift is along the same lines as the MH 'I could use your help' line and I don't think it's too big a step!

Laugh I remember when my decree absolute came through - I felt about 10ft tall. I was free. Freedom and happiness are my two main important things in life.

Freaky I think Bacon is dealing with too much in his life at present, he could have ghosted you or not put 'I hope' at the end of the text if he wasn't interested.

Handy and Waving I'm pleased to see things going well with Twix and MTG. I agree about amber/ red flags and how the situation actually makes you feel rather than just stating that something is a red flag. I'm a big believer in going with the flow with a little tiny bit of holding back

My slow fader text yesterday unprompted which was surprising! I've been actively swiping and getting irons so I've been nicely distracted. He's very busy but there was nothing in the message to suggest he was interested in getting together when he's less busy. I gave him a short chatty reply and I'm going to leave it now. I'm going to continue being distracted by my irons...

My irons!! One is MrRescue, I'm not particularly drawn to him looks wise but he is involved in mountain rescue and other lovely pursuits and his whole personality seems very nice and genuine. So I've arranged coffee with him tomorrow. The other is MrGlass who I am attracted to and he's lovely and kind sounding on his messages. However I did a bit of 'research' and found his public Twitter profile. I'm guessing a man that shares screenshots of his ex's texts and calls her a 'fucking retard' on a public feed should be avoided like the plague?!

Ooh nice one Foxtrot have a great date tomorrow with MrRescue. He sounds great! Is it a lunch break date?

MrNoBoundariesOnSocialMedia not so much, however. Yeah. Bin him.

Right. Quick post for ocelot

This is how I see it. Its a bit like wavings situation with soho. You need closure is the issue. You get in touch or you don't get in touch. You need a sign. You've been NC for a while. If you get back in touch and it reignites the touch paper, great. If it's doesn't then it paves the way for a fabulous new man a la MTG to take his place.

Does that make sense?

That's how I see it Nannys

Like you can't have the next great guy without letting go of the last. Sometimes we have to work to engineer the letting go.... Focusing energy elsewhere is the shitty but inevitable strategy for this. It hurts like hell to start it off. But I think can be done.

I am pinning quite a lot of hope on that "I hope..." Foxtrot

And OMG re Mr Glass! This is why pre-date stalling is so important! Mr rescue sounds v promising though, have a great date.

Ocelot pet, i think women in their 50's have to date down online but i dont believe that is true in real life.

What age is your youngest? If i could join all the activities id like to do i wouldnt bother with online. Even if it's bridge, a night class, dancing, walking club.... my youngest is only ten or id be so "out there' id be in outer space!!
I think women who are friendly attractive andd warm have more power off line than on line. That is just my take.

If M liked you there is no logical readon why another similar man wouldnt. And you only want one!

Im taking 2 weeks off pof myself now. I have a number of very enjoyable things to look forward to in the next ten days and im not going to be lonely so i dont want to be ungrateful for that contentment looking for more in the next ten days.

Yes was mr music really really all that??

I love the waving is not only happier with mtg but she sees sohos posts and she is like "sahp"

FREAKY it is easter weekend which is perhaps a slightly bigger deal in ireland than in the uk. All home to mum and dad's for christmas dinner style lunch with relatives. My irish friend used to alwsys go home for easter. Dont contact him again now and just wait...........

Have a (different) first date tomorrow in theory but don't know when or where.

Shall I nudge? Or wait and see?

DrFoxtrot Good stalking - I would not be impressed with anyone using the phrase "fucking retard" in any context.

Mag314s It's nice to have lots of nice things planned :)