Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

I agree with Freaky, Twix is all happy and chilled

Guys when I think about it calmly and logically, you're all right. Totally right. And thanks for saying it. It's all my shit that's wobbly. I'm blinking terrified. Don't know what to do to sort it out. Whenever I text he pings right back with his lovely happy self. And I'm the first woman he's been naked in a really, really, really long time. But I'm very wobbly. I hate it.

I know Waving I should. Plus he is lovely. Ok. I vow to be nicer to him and meet him. If he handcuffs me to the bar stool that will be on you though

Oh. And what do you mean by "found out too late"?! haha

I have resisted the appeal of the extra MH material so far, so expensive!

Handy Twix seems very chill and secure and probably has no clue that you would like to receive such a text.

I think it's totally natural to think that way but just remember how he was when you had your exclusivity chat. He was surprised you even had to ask, right? That's not the response of a man that's going to ghost you after sex.

It might be a bit early yet, but at some point, you should talk to Twix about how you feel. I think he'd respond well if you said that you'd just like a bit more contact or to have firm plans to see each other or whatever it is that would help you feel a bit more secure. But probably not the right time yet...

Handy actually it looks like you have your shit together more than you think! If you recognize the insecurity is coming from you and not from Twix's actions, it might be worth investigating why you feel the need of getting that validation, instead of asking him for it. Could your counsellor help you deal with that?

Yeah I have therapy Thurs.

We touched on it last week - the fact that I'm excited and very terrified all at the same time...

Me back again (but avidly still following .

Handy all sounds good with Twix, but I understand your anxiety having DTD. I'm guessing that it's because you feel vulnerable now, as do a lot of women (maybe some men ).

For me that's what life is all about- you could wait 6 months and still find that the person you thought you had sussed out, could still sod off in to the sunset! What I'm trying to say is you sometimes just have to go with you're gut and hope for the best.

Waving I can almost feel you're happiness coming over the tinternet .

Jolly I have to agree with 314 re Maple & the 'simmering' affect, but.... I also agree with the "simmer him back" approach- and I don't agree that it's 'Karma' because of Tinygrey, as you've not met him yet. For me it's not real until you meet!

I've looked at a few of MH's YouTube videos ( won't be subscribing anytime soon- bloody expensive) and whilst I do get where he's coming from at times, I'm a little baffled as to how he knows all this at such a young age? ( young for me, as I'm old enough to be his mum . Is it an inbuilt male psyche that he has finely tuned?

Warm welcomes / waves to everyone else..

So, Mr Diamond and I are still seeing each other - which is great, but.......I'm shortly (possibly) going to live by my newly acquired "it if it's starting to make you feel anxious/angsty, then it might be time to call it a day.

Have been in contact for 12 weeks & physically seeing each other for the past 10 weeks. We see each other roughly twice a week, which is actually fine for me and the distance between us, and obligations also prohibits much more contact.

He did a "quite" week on me last week (& I believe a few weeks before). We met up and he acknowledged this of his own free will. His reasoning was because, even though we get on fantastically when together, he had a wobble about "what if one year down the line and it's all still great? Would we be moving in together-how would he cope- been on his own for a long time".

I did point out that it's "early days" and whilst he's being a stress head, he hadn't factored in what I might want!!

So my question to you 'gurus' is WTF was that all about?

My gut is saying 'do the 'quite man' on me again, and I'm off until you sort your shit out!

Not sure if I'm coming from a place of ' been shat upon' and not hanging about to have it happen again, or am I missing something?

Phew, that was longish .

Can I ask about Facebook and Tinder please. I am not a fan of Facebook. I've got an account with extended family and old school friends on it but I literally use it to remind me to send birthday messages. I never post photos or anything and would look a bit odd if I started now. My profile pic has been the same for years, it's my pet.

So I set up a new fb account last year so that I can sign in to Tinder with it. It has up to date pictures of me but I haven't added any friends. Will this look dodgy to irons if they reverse picture search or find my profile some other way? I really don't want to use my old fb account. Or am I just being paranoid?

Reville I'm not a FBooker fan/ user either (10 friends and last posted 2 years ago-lol).

Could you not add to your profile, that you're a private person and hence there won't be much info on FB? Maybe allow a couple of innocuous pics on to your 'fake profile'?

I have my FBooker account totally locked down (job requires this). At the end of the day, if they wanna meet you, then they don't have to be a FB stalker do they .

Will this look dodgy to irons if they reverse picture search or find my profile some other way?

You can set your Facebook privacy settings so that you don't show up to anyone searching from outside Facebook, which means that you definitely won't show up on an image search.
If they try searching from INSIDE Facebook all they will know is your first name. You won't have any friends in common because this profile doesn't have any friends.
So It's very very unlikely that you will be seen.

I also set Tinder to not show the picture that is my current profile picture, so if someone does search for "Sarah" and I happen to come up in search (because we have mutual friends, for example), it's not immediately obvious that it's "me".

This link may or may not work depending on whether you're on a phone or computer

Thanks Lacoba glad I'm not the only non-fbooker

That is really useful Trills thank you.

Just had a lush one hour messaging sesh with Twix.

In which he asked me if I'm free tomorrow night. I'm not. So - seeing him next tues due to kids on school hols, Easter etc.

He was lovely and was keen to keep the conversation up and make it playful and fun.

We haven't spoken on the phone til now but i suggested we do that if we aren't seeing each other til next Tuesday. His response: 'of course!'

I don't have a lot to worry about really...

...I shall keep reading this if I am struggling again tomorrow.

And discuss with my counsellor on Thursday. I think there's some fairly deep stuff going on for me. Will explore. Thanks for helping me peeps!!

Handy I wrote my post quickly and was paraphrasing the article on A New Mode on coming across as needy that has my name on it so I only realize now my post was insensitive and I am sorry. Feeling that way is normal and both wanting to get to the bottom of it and being able to identify that feeling are signs you are already dealing with it in a very healthy way. it will be fine, you will knock the insecurity monster on the head with a giant Twix bar.

Lacoba I think the MH ISO 9000 tip is to pull back a bit while making sure the guy knows you are just giving him some space to figure his stuff out because you like him. But Waving is the expert here. It is kind of sweet that MrDiamond is already mourning his bachelor days..forgive me I am desperate.

I was only joking with the karma thing but then tonight I matched on Tinder with an old iron from OKC..who I had ghosted in February. He sent a fun message but he had not forgotten. It can't be a coincidence, can it? It is like the Universe is telling me to sort my karmic mess and stop placing new requests haha. I am 5 yo again and made to eat my greens before I am allowed dessert. The Universe is a mean mummy.

Right, off to make amends to TinyGrey and KarmicIron...

Morning all.

Handy hang in there. All sounds good.

Waving I'm not sure what happened to oceltots posts. One of the ones that was removed referred to Gentles real name but it can't be that can it? There was nothing else wrong with her posts.

It's a beautiful day!

Quickly logging on a jiggly bus to say MrM replied to my text saying he was thinking of me, and would be in touch when he got back. Feel happier now!

Good stuff Batshit

Morning all

Sounds like some of these dates / relationships are ticking along nicely.

waving it's so nice re MTG!

handy I totally agree re twix. He sounds totally chilled and comfortable.

lacoba I actually look at what diamond said as a little positive. He could totally have freaked out and it shared. At least he was open and honest and told you. He COMMUNICATED!!!! Most of the dating challenges in this thread appear to come from a lack of clear communication.
If I am entirely honest, if / when I meet someone I like, I will have a freak out.....it's entirely natural IMO

314 glossary please!!!!

Welcome sparkles, this thread and the support is amazing. I love this thread!

freaky did you text?

So I saw scot last night. Chemistry is still there. We had fun. No idea what's next or when I'm seeing him next and feel remarkably chilled about that.

I think I may definitely come off the dating apps I am on and now Spring is here just focus on getting out and investing in me.
Have a fab day y'all!

lovely man on POF viewed my profile about 4 am and added me to his favourites, selected Meet Me and apparently wants to connect - god knows what the last one means? I sent a witty little message this morning - what's the betting the bugger never responds, meanwhile every fish wielding, beer belly in the South East will ......such is my life

Jolly of course it can be a coincidence. That's what coincidences are. The universe does not have a message for you. How many people do you swipe past on Tinder?

Thursday is date night chez Trills - a different one lined up (this from OKC). Another potential chatting on Bumble, I suppose I should practise my simmering skills.

Jolly I like your universe analogy. just channel good karma and positivity.

I reported Ocelot's posts as one gave Gentle's real name and the other one gave the user name, real name and occupation of a poster on this thread. I wouldn't have been happy if that information had related to me, and it's a real concern I have that personal information from the private FB group can be transferred to what is a very public and accessible thread. I know it feels like a safe little group on here, but it isn't - there are thousands of people out there reading what we post. I'm very careful what I write but some people share a lot of information and it could be a bit awkward for them if they were "outed".

NotToday That was actually very sensible. I missed the other post. You're right. It's too easy to feel very safe here thinking we are only sharing with 'friends'