Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

freaky the more men (friends) I talk to about OLD, it is as much of a minefield for them as it is us. We're sitting here saying 'pursue/ chase' and they are on the other side thinking 'she's quite attractive, she's probably got dozens of blokes chasing her, I'm not playing that game'.

I think there is a healthy balance of pursuing/ letting them pursue.

Given what's happened with bacon I would send a msg along these lines. 'Hi. I hope you're doing ok. If you want to catch up and talk/ drink whatever...I'm free next Saturday evening. If not totally understand, just let me know. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you'.

If he doesn't reply to a message that lovely and thoughtful, you're well rid. But there's no harm in messaging him given the recent bereavement.

That's my tuppence worth.

freaky yes I saw him today. Brunch and a walk and a talk. And handholding. It was lovely to see him.

Totally agree word for word with Too Sassy with regards to Bacon text.

Thanks for all your nice comments. Me and gentle feel very comfortable. He's just left after arriving Friday teatime. He's met my Mum and Dad. My mum LOVES him! We jumped out of bed at 4.30 this morning to drive to the beach to watch the sunrise. Then back to bed for snuggling and coffee. Then he cooked me breakfast. Had a load of laughs. Even got a text from my next door neighbour congratulating me as she could hear our laughter all weekend! Eeeeek!!!!

I've come to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter what you do or how you play it, if it feels right and you want the same thing then that's the bottom line.

That's lovely handy he's a good un and definitely a keeper.

Sassy's recommended text I think is brilliant!

Go for it girlfriend

Sounds lovely Nanny!

Saw In active. "Copenhagen... Things to do and see" thought Waving was pre planning for her and MTG

Yeah, it was a big'un! Lots to catch up on... And I clearly got some of it wrong, sorry!

Thanks for the advice. I wish I'd asked before sending the text this morning as I said "how are you?" and he said "fine!" so might be a bit weird to send Sassy's text now, though I agree, it would have been perfect.

I think what I'm going to do is leave it a couple of days, give him chance to message (sending lots of positive vibes to the universe in the meantime!) and then either try and engineer a conversation where I subtly drop in that I'm free on Saturday or do some version of Sassy's text, or just ask him, depending on my mood...And when I say "a couple of days", knowing my track record that'll probably be tomorrow but I will try for mid-week!

So, Sassy are things back to being good with you and Scot?

Freaky, im on my phone herr so excuse typis etc. But id send Bacon jokey messages like 'wow just been asked out by a guy who's posing with a rifle and a dead deer". THIS HAPPENED TO ME. He was good looking as well. But i said no thank you.

Or tell him u are doing a five k. Or going to a cookery demonstration. Or going to a pub quiz. Or drama class. I wouldnt adk him out.

Update re mr canceller when i can wrestle my lap top back from a ten year old boy!

Toosassy, bear went on a date with a woman who pretended to be jewish. Obviously he wasnt fooled for a moment. He also went on a date with a woman who popped to the loo and never came back but that was at the end ofva pleasant evening so it wasnt because she found his company intolerable, it was just to swerve the 'shall we meet up again' awkwardness!!

Don't worry, 314, then we messaged today, I made it clear that I was having a fabulous time drinking posh cocktails with my friends (truth!) He was just clearing out his garage... #sohighvalueitactuallyhurts

I made it clear that I was having a fabulous time drinking posh cocktails with my friends

Do you ever feel that you have to make sure you have done or are about to do something fun or exciting so that when you are doing the smalltalk chat of "what are you up to this weekend?" you have something interesting to say? Or maybe that's just me. :)

ha ha! Good for you. Cleaning out his garage! Tremendous.

Well, things are smoothed over with mrcanceller and his relief that I'm not cross with him/haven't gone off him/haven't disappeared is really obvious. He wasn't playing it cool expressing his relief about that. So, although I'm one of MH's biggest fan's, for this particular iron I'm going to play things a little how I would have done them before I discovered The Gospel of MH. Because I'm figuring out that MrCanceller experienced a LOT of rejection in his marriage
and in my twenty dollar off the internet psychology degree opinion :-p it has made him very tentative about coming forward. But MH doesn't leave me floundering. He has some good clips, ''is it worth it?'' and I think for this guy, that will be the question I need to be constantly aware of, so I won't forget about MH. He has an answer for everything!

Ha! I know what you mean. I am usually pretty honest and if I've got a weekend of ferrying DS around and chores, then I'll say that...but it does give me a buzz when I can do a "I'm social butterfly" or a "I'm just on my way back from yoga etc" type message.

I was messaging a guy once and did the "so, any plans for the weekend?" thing and HE HAD NOTHING. Couldn't even say that he was looking forward to a new boxset, or a book, or was going to hit the gym...nothing. I'd rather someone tell me they were clearing out their garage then say that!

314 here's the experience from my male friends

• married women lying about being married
• one friend had the episode of being told ( after a fair while of loosely dating this person), that whilst he was lovely and the sex was amazing, there was someone else she preferred. Just after they had DTD.....
• women ghosting them (a very regular occurrence)
• if you are also attractive (as we all are obviously ), they genuinely think we have a queue of men we are working our way through and they are one of many
• the dates where they look NOTHING like their profile pics.

Summary? Everyone thinks everyone is playing a game (well what else is our multiple iron tactic? Whilst it's a smart survival play, it could be construed as gameplay) Some people are playing games. Some aren't. It's finding that fine line about being honest / brave enough to admit that you like someone enough for the game play to be over. And to hope the person opposite you has the courage to be equally honest.

It's a leap of faith.

freaky I think you could send that text this evening. Timing is spot on, Sunday evening contemplation and all that. A genuine text like that is never wrong to send IMO.
Re scot and I? Not a fucking clue. I'm just going with the flow and seeing where it goes.

But with always being busy do you think being too busy or portraying you are can become a negative?" Oh they're always busy so if we did have a relationship there wouldn't be much us time"?

Honestly? I'm feeling a little fragile this evening (come down from a great weekend and also slightly hungover and hormonal ). I don't think I'd cope with any rejection well so I'll ramp up my positivity and do it tomorrow/later in the week.

So interesting to get the insight from men, thank you. So, they are basically facing the same issues as us then! Everyone DOES think everyone is playing games but it kind of fits in with what Nanny was saying, that when you meet the right person, you don't need to. Also fits with where Handy and Waving are, and also what 314 is saying about Cancellor. There are times for a bit of gameplay and times for when you just need to be a decent human being and communicate honestly...

It was on youtube waving. MH was a guest on an American TV show and a viewer rang in with that question. It wasn't that the answer he gave was so comprehensive or profound, it just reminded me to think about that question right now!! Mrcanceller and I are going out either Wednesday or Friday. I can't Thurs or Sat (see, still channelling high value!)

Aw!! Vivienne Westwood, fabulous! less is more. Understated glamour :-p

Who's a wedding planner?! Wow. What a job.

I think now I'd just say "we met on line!" I see men's profiles and they reassure ''we'll say we met at the theatre''. I'd just own it now. The only people I'd be embarrassed saying that to would be my parents and various cousins and aunts.

I went to a lovely wedding in Brighton in an art gallery that was a converted church.

If you're looking :o

vil du virkelig gar til Copenhagen!? Oh, I love Copenhagen. Mor dig godt!
I got a right thrill watching The Danish Girl, seeing bits I recognised.

Men whose profiles say "Willing to lie about where we met" put me off. It just sounds so lame. What year do they think it is, or what circles do they move in, that they'd think that meeting someone online was shameful?