Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

*tosser !!!!!

I can't keep up with the thread and real life at the same time . I have 42 matches to sift through, which is helping as I am having to let the men message me first! And I have four potential irons which is very nice.

Welcome to everybody new and hello everybody. I'll try to catch up later. Any update from Handy yet?

batshit I know what you mean about a sea of fat fifty year olds. I have described myself as ''athletic" to try and scare off the lazy fat beer belly types, but it doesn't work. Do they look at my profile and think, me and her, I can visualise that!. Sorry to be so ckuffing vain.

I had a message from a nice guy this morninng, 48, fit as a fiddle, but good profile, not a gym hun. Then I checked his location and he is about 200 miles away!!

Oh god re bra size, 'cook-and-model' jokes and crap-manners-by-text-shizzle. Who blocks in the middle of arranging a date?

Sassy you and scot keep going in and out of sync with each other I think? That's really hard. Are you both struggling with the is it/isn't it a relationship thing? Is that the issue? Or are you both thinking you want a relationship but not wanting to trust? I feel for you. And hope you guys can move past it.

314 well done with the profile tweaking. I agree with showing your personality on a profile. The ones who don't get it are the ones who it's not worth hearing from. It's what I did with GSM and then up popped Twix...

...who has just gone home after a lovely day/evening/night/morning date. Which flew and was lovely. And funny. And a bit awkward in places. But we laughed about that. And do you know what - I slept like a baby next to him and we were both amazed to sleep so well and wake up so late. Perfect. I let myself down by not having the conversations around important stuff until - er - a bit late in the proceedings. Am a bit annoyed with myself for letting that happen. It happened as I'm still a bit awkward around him. On one hand there's me thinking 'oh god I hope you really do like me' and then Twix, on the other hand, thinking it's completely obvious that we are exclusive etc etc (he seemed surprised I would ask!) and being his laid back and slightly quirky self. So I think it's just a case of getting in the swing with each other. I hope...

We had a long dog walk, lovely meal and chat on the sofa and then another dog walk this morning. My dog is with my ex and the kids. So no terrier issues. I feel like it's still just the start of sussing each other out but it also feels great. And exciting. And I'll be floating around all day today thinking about it. It hasn't quite cured my teenage insecurity but at the same time it all feels good. IYSWIM.

Good news Handyy Sounds lovely! Yeh, not all men are dating four women at once but the world around us has changed. I remember hearing on American TV shows about 'exclusivity' and thinking no way would I go on even one first date with a man if he's dating several other people too, and now here I am, nervous to bring it up at date three. The world has changed.
Good sign that the pair of you fell asleep like babies!!

Enjoy the excitement!

Hey you guys. I've lost off a bit.... Going to try and catch up as I'm lying in bed whilst Gentle makes me breakfast. I am so not used to this. It's bloody marvellous!!

Hello ladies. I have been lurking for weeks and this is my favourite thread. Decided to finally take the plunge and say hi to you all
What a lovely, supportive and fun place to hang out if you don't mind me joining in?
This thread is about the only thing I'm dating at the moment as I'm not in a position to date until August and I will be sticking to RL as opposed to going on line dating, but I am loving all your stories and I'm definitely picking up some good tips.
You are all very brave and an inspiration. Good luck in finding your Princes

Can I join in? I'm 25, just out of a seven year relationship and I have no idea what I'm doing. Got tinder, matched with a really nice guy from work, messaged back and forth a few times and now he's gone completely silent. I'm kind of mortified, what do I do when I inevitably bump into him again? Also just disappointed cos I really liked him and I'm so not interested in anyone else now.

I think you need to have few on the go all the time to avoid getting too emotionally invested in to one man. To give a quick crash course on the thread, if you are coming from a place of abundance (ie, many men, many potential dates, lots of options) it will change how you feel, how you react, the men will sense that you know they're just one of your options. I know it's counter intuitive to have several dates on the go! but at 25 you should be to drum up no end of dates! Harder at 45 but give it a go. it doesn't mean you sleep with them. YOu're just going on dates to decide if you want to go on the next date.

When you see the guy at work, ACT normal and professional. You have no reason to act sheepish. So don't absorb his shame. He couldn't find the words to say ''em, do you know what, I think not actuallly" so when you see him, force yourself to smile and say ''good job one of us has the cajones to say hello or this could be awkward". Or ''l don't do awkward ok, so don't go crashing in to any doorways in your haste to get away from ''awkwardness''.

Spot on there, 314, spot on.

Asking bra size is just SO pointless.
They want to hear "34D" or something, but don't actually know what that looks like.
They've already seen a picture, right?

NannyPlums that's a keeper.

Handy, so pleased for you. So lovely to hear how happy you are.

314 - Amen to the world changing I've been sleepwalking for years. What is this crazy online world I've woken up to? It was all so easy twenty years ago

Hi Ladies. Can I join in too? I've been following along for a couple of threads now and absorbing your positivity and advice. So with that in mind I decided to sign up for POF yesterday and I feel as though I'm new blood that's been dropped into a shark tank!

Think I need to go and read the rules again and investigate MH more.

I've had a couple of guys ask me to meet them but I've backed out, partly cos I was waiting around for work guy and partly cos I'm scared. I went on one (disastrous) date at 18 then met my ex so I've never really dated. Think I need to read these rules, what is MH? Had a new guy message this morning so that's a nice distraction from torturing myself over what I said or did wrong.

I've had a couple of guys ask me to meet them but I've backed out, partly cos I was waiting around for work guy and partly cos I'm scared.

1 - Do not wait around for work guy. Or any guy. Life is too short. If you see someone you'd like to meet, meet them.

2 - What are you scared of? If you meet for a drink, somewhere that's not inconvenient, you have not committed much of your time and if you don't like it you can leave.

6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

No torturing yourself over having done anything wrong. Not allowed. Rules.

Hello everyone!

Uh 314, so you are the one "disappearing" now? WTAF is MrCanceller's deal?

Waving I think a mammoth date could be fantastic ... if you know for sure you are on the same page re relationship/exclusivity whatever. MTG sounds like the complete opposite of Popcorn so I would not worry too much about you two reenacting my disaster date.

Yay Handy and Nanny !!

Welcome newbies! 314's crash course is spot on. At first it might not make sense to you to always have a couple irons in the fire until you agree to be exclusive with one but it will both make you feel more attractive/confident AND save your sanity. Win - win.

On that note, I am off to get myself new irons as I am down to MrOrganizedYogi (still texting, kinda boring but sweet, I suspect he might be only chasing me down for sex) and Good Ole TinyGrey (the guy is persistent, I just realized he first messaged me in NOVEMBER ). Maple can fuck off at this point, I do not need him standing on the doorstep and blocking the traffic with one foot in and one foot out. I reserve myself the right to call him out on his weird behavior next week.

So, Sunday iron-fishing trip is on... I have and , no licenses needed, everyone welcome!

Yay handy excellent update!!!

nanny you too, how lovely.

And waving is getting loved up too! I'd totally spend the time with MTG, without hesitation!
We're going to losing some of our regulars methinks at this rate (although please don't leave the thread!)

Welcome to all the newbies.

handy you've knocked it on the head re scot. We keep falling out of sync and miscommunicating, for a variety of reasons. We also don't know each other very well which doesn't help. We're seeing each other tmrw night and we'll see if the connection is still there. If not, well then, onwards.

jolly I do love that term! Iron fishing trip is another term we need to adopt. May your fishing trip be fruitful.

ashmts oh good god, exactly what trills said. The amount of irons who disappear midst messaging is really high. I never give it a moments thought as to where they've disappeared to or why. Anyone genuinely interested/ available won't do that. When they disappear like this they are doing you a huge favour.

Laughing out loud at the bra size question!

Who has dates this week?

314 wtf re canceller???? I'd reply and say, oh sorry did I miss a response to the emails I sent you......

Hello! So, I'm just back from a lovely weekend away with friends. Just what I needed. Did some swiping while I was there and picked up a few new Tinder matches but no messages...

Handy well handed with Cufflinks and AW! re your Twix date. Sounds lovely. I'm sure it is just a case of getting into the swing...you need to feel confident that he likes you and that'll only come with time, I think. But if he keeps behaving as he is, you'll both get there.

314 What's up with Canceller then?! Weren't you the last one to email? He knows where you are FFS. Have you replied?

Sassy Have you seen Scot yet? I agree with both your points...WhatsApp definitely creates a false sense of intimacy, especially when it's daily messages.

waving You are allowed to be smitten you know! MTG is lovely and he's really into you...that's GOOD thing! Enjoy it! I think you are wary enough to be sensible.

Trills Who blocks in the middle of arranging a date?! That's just rude! Oh well, you had a lucky escape there.

Nanny You and Gentle are just bloody LOVELY! So sweet.

Jolly How's your fishing trip going? Are you reeling in some big ones?

Shark Welcome! You have a good name for PoF!

ashmts Exactly, exactly what 314 said. Listen to her, she knows stuff. If you do bump into him, front it out, big smile and do that exact line that 314 gave you. And then back to Tinder and get some more irons on the go.

brabit Sorry about your date and sorry for your date, that's really rubbish, poor man. He does sound like a good un...You are in a similar situation to me then. Which leads me on to....

What do I do about Bacon? To catch up, we had a bit of a bantery chat on Thurs night. Then nothing until this morning when I messaged to ask how he was and he said "Fine!" and then we just talked about what we are up to today. No mention of second date and he seems to be doing this "everything's FINE" thing. But I really don't know the bloke or the situation really, so maybe he is fine, or maybe not and he doesn't want to pour his heart out to some bird he met on Tinder. Fair enough.

I have got some free time next weekend and in a ideal world, I'd really like to be having a date with him on Sat night. Should I just bite the bullet and ask him if he's free then? Or just hang on and wait for him to re-arrange? Like I say, I really don't know what's going on with him, other then he's had recent bereavement. Is it insensitive to crash in with a "hey, you owe me a date!" type message? Though I would, of course, be more cool and seductive that that...

I just don't want things to fizzle out. But equally don't want to spoil them by removing any perceived challenge. He knows I want to rearrange, he should be in touch. But then, he might not realise how little free time I've got...after Sat I won't really be free again for a couple of weeks due to my bloody exam and lack of babysitters. Argh! Can someone please slap some sense into me? This is exactly why I wanted to meet him sooner rather than later, I drive myself mental with the "what ifs...."

Wow, mammoth post there! My advice is that if you want something (like, a date on Saturday), say that you want it. But that's probably not what MH would say.

It was actually BatshitCrazyWoman who was blocked in the middle of arranging a date. I have had chat with two people this weekend but am mostly nursing a cold and so finding it hard to be sparky and interesting.

Well RE the mentioning it, I did and it was ignored by Ted, but I tried to under play it as they had a shit week, but was expecting it to be acknowledged a little.

But they said they had a shit week, so obviously (to me) wanted to talk about it. So after asking 2-3 times they said and turns out they were seeing someone who had cheated.

So I think that's over, but then woke up this morning to a message with a picture of an in joke and a "thought you'd love this type message". So I'm confused I'm 99% sure there's nothing there because they were seeing someone else (and perhaps why I was getting ghosted) but then just because I don't think I've got it in me to date multiple people I shouldn't hold that against others, I think I'm traditional in this thinking, and whilst i may seem keen, I haven't made a definitive move yet... Argh!

Friendships are hard for me, never mind relationships. Wish they there was literally an envelope you could just open interested/ not interested

Freaky normally I'd advise someone (a woman) never to do the asking out. I'm a bit old fashioned like this and believe it's the mans job to pursue, and this is what most dating books suggest also.

It's most likely one of two things here.

1. He's either not that interested (I'm sorry I mean this in the nicest way)

1. He's genuinely got other things on his mind.

From experience, when a man wants a date and is excited he follows through on the plan making. However his circumstances are a little different given the recent bereavement.

So I'd be inclined to just ask. Because either way you'll get your answer you are looking for rather than being stuck in this limbo stage.

He will either say yes, and hopefully this will be the outcome. Or he will come up with excuses and I think then that will give you a clear indication of his level of interest and you can then move on to find someone who would want to take you out next weekend.