Thank you notonyur.
I have had a really bad day today.
I have cried and cried.
I cannot see away through this.
This is so unfair all I did was care xx
Husha, There is no answer that me or anyone else could give you right now to make this feel any the less acute. Im sorry. Truly sorry. And I wish some of us lived closer to you.
Its an awful situation to be in because even when you've managed to get your head round it, and by that I mean 'get your head around them', it still bloody well hurts. It can even hurt because you're upset that they're the person they are. For me its learning to live with the hurt - bow to deal with any amount of hurt on a day to day basis. Like when I was away with the football team and knowing my husband was a 20 minutes up the road and not with us. It was a killer. Honestly. But I had to turn it around for practical reasons so I got to know the other parents, I made myself someone who could be relied on to answer questions etc from the 20 or so parents who'd travelled with their children as it was obvious our coach had bitten off more that he could chew by taken 103 kids to a football tournament. It could have been a mess that lasted longer than the first day but instead it was fabulous thanks to some of the other parents also getting on board.
Im quite a shy person but over the last few years Ive had to get over that and these last few days I added another bit to my 'new' identity. So much so that the coach has asked if I'll go with them to the next tournament as it was obvious they needed a woman for the younger kids who were a bit homesick the first night. I didnt tell anyone my story but once the kids had gone to bed at night we all had a meal and I was able to talk about the country Im in when it was just a couple of years old. I'd been here longer that some of the local parents had been born. And the expats - well they were all ears as well. It was lovely. Just a big group of parents from different backgrounds etc having a nice time together. It was really therapeutic and I think Im saying its like flicking a switch in your head, and your heart, so you start off with your thoughts and your feelings and you have to make a conscious effort to flick that switch from brokenhearted and upset and crying to something else. Maybe its what CBT is about?????? But Im not sure that I know.
And I now its easier for me to do this because I have such a large family and loads of grandchildren but a wee bit further down the line you'll be able to do this as well. Perhaps by volunteering? Then when you're boys are older - with your grandchildren.
I think if I was in the Uk I'd like to volunteer with the elderly who spend so much time alone when they are in fact the people who gave us the life we have today. Or with immigrants or those who never learned to read at school - I'd like to teach reading to adults. Nothing to do with autism though Im repeatedly asked to get involved, its just that I really am all autism out.
Im hoping some of this helps you. xxxx