Onwards and Upwards!

[Hushabyemountain98]

Good morning. Welcome to my new thread. I hope that all my MN friends will join me and maybe a few new ones!xx

Good Afternoon pizza,
Glad you are coping well at the moment.
Sorry you got a parking ticket, can you appeal as you actually had one?
Glad you looked and felt good doing your shopping in Aldi. Well done for treating yourself to a new top and scarf. It has to be done! If it makes you feel better why not!
I hope you enjoyed pottering in the garden.
Enjoy your evening xx

Hi ladies just at occupational health for 1 hrs talking therapy and cognotive behaviour therapy ! So I am ok but still need help , my grieving for my lost life continues but I need help getting through this mud I keep wading through 😢

Im sorry to hear that and if it helps you in anyway at all Im going back to my therapist next week and I can't see myself not having things to mull over with her anytime soon. I look at it this way, sometimes when you break a leg it heals but every so often it gives you a bit of gyp because of the cold, or the damp, or if you've walked too much in the wrong shoes. So you take something for it. Thats what my therapist is to me, a panadol for the soul, and truth be told I don't really see anything wrong with having continuing therapy as life throws up things that set you off thinking. But not just that, Im determined to get my excess weight of me but for the life of me I just cannot summon up the will power and that's one of the things I want to have a chat about - what is will power and how do you get it?

Its funny how a small thing can set you off thinking and before you know it you go through a lot of emotions before gaining clarity and saying to yourself - I want to have a natter with her about that. So I do.

Hello notonyur.
I am glad that your therapist is still helping you. I hope she can help you to find some will power.
I started writing about what my dh is up to. But I have deleted it. All I will say although I do not like bad language he is really taking the pi**!
How can he do this?
Tonight I am feeling really old and tired. I do not think that my sons really understand how I feel. Why would they? He doesn't care how I feel?
Last week I lost someone that I cared about and I am finding it hard. My dh is running all over the place after a certain person like Price Philip after The Queen.
I seem to ache all over.
xx

Sorry that should be Prince Philip x

Gah Hush,
The man's a grade 1 prat - 1st class honours degree in prattishness - and that's the polite version!
I think our children can't really understand this immense loss - and that's good really. They need to carve out their own relationships without carrying the load that belongs to their parents. But that can leave us very lonely. Do use Mumsnet for support as well as your family and friends. You have a host of supporters willing you along, empathising and supporting and always happy to 'listen'.
The weather is warming a bit and .... the daffodils are in place in the windows of a fairly clean house! xx

Hi Hush. I'm Writing this message on my phone whilst on the bike at the gym.

I'm Sorry to hear that things have been difficult these past few days.
Do you have any plans for this week?

Hi Louisa,

Thanks for your message.It is good that they can't really understand this immense loss.I am so lonely though and he is all loved up with her. My life and my feelings have gone to the wall. They have taken my life away from me. I put over 30 years of my life into our marriage and he just walked away and has thrown me away with the rubbish. I know every one says I will be better off without him but I really loved him.
The weather is warming up a bit. I do not have daffodils but I have tulips but my house needs cleaning. Better go and wash my face xx

Hi WTAFF. You are good sending messages while you are on an exercise bike.

I do not have any plans for the next few days apart from the usual. I really ache tonight. Not sure what that is about?

Enjoy the gym. Don't overdo it xx

I don't get any thinner! I Was only mentioning it to explain any typos!

Stress can cause all sorts of aches and pains.

Thanks WTAFF. Still you must be fit.
I think you are right about stress causing all sorts of aches and pains.
Enjoy your evening xx

Dear Hush, there is nothing I can say that will make this any better. To love someone is a wonderful thing - but to love someone who fails to reciprocate your lovea and who treats you unkindly and goes off with other women - that person does NOT deserve your love.
You have done nothing wrong but to love a selfish and unkind man. I can see the great hurt that has been done to you and you come over as such a lovely person. You are having to dig deep to find your courage and strength to face this I know.
Life is sometimes unfair. I am sorry to hear about your recent bereavement - it must seem like one loss after another.
But I can see from how patiently you respond to all of us on this thread and with such care, what a kind and nurturing person that you are. And I am sure that you would be able to think of countless examples of how you have faced life's uncertainties and challenges over the last years - and it is that strength that you have to draw on now.
Hope this doesn't come over as a lecture - it's the last thing I mean - just trying to remind you of your great strengths that WILL help you through this. xxx

Well said louisatwo

Dear Louisa,,
Thank you for your kind message.
You are right I am having to dig deep to find my courage and strength to face this and I wonder whether I have any strength left. I have been here before several times but this time seems so final.
I am glad that you see me as a kind and nurturing person. I do try to do all I can for everyone. He is trying to portray me as something totally different which is such another hard thing to deal with.
Thank you Louisa xx

Thanks WTAFF xx

Hush, he is portraying you as a different kind of person as that's how he can justify to himself (and others) why he is doing what he's doing. It's unkind, it's unfair and it's not right. And that is why he is not worthy of your love.
Be confident in yourself and your worth. He has ground you down over the years with this repeated behaviour. That in itself must have taken it's toll. Maybe you can start to see yourself as being free from this type of abusive and selfish behaviour rather than being abandoned? You can begin to enjoy yourself and take pride in who you are - and not worry about whether you are his first or second choice this week /month.
Hush, have you looked at the Freedom programme as a tool to help you get back in touch with your assertiveness and self confidence? Just a thought - I know it's highly recommended and it may help you feel a bit more supported ? Just a thought.
Hope that you sleep well. xxx

Just sat down after a hectic day , went with my friend it was her birthday to lunch , I have read through all the posts and just wanted to comment on what my therapist said today , he is a serial cheater , he is trying to find with ow and her 2 kids what he regrets losing , he will do it again and again he loves the thrill , he loves it when you text him and it proves to him he is wanted by 2 women , she told me now I look physically better time to sort my mental health out , she said the 4 main skittles in this game have been knocked about in this never ending game and I can stop it now by going fully no contact , please pray I can do that my mn friends , back in therapy on 14th and she said this will be the only way I can move forward and not keep looking back which is all I do everyday and it's poisoning my very being , good night ❤️

Btw hush , we all understand your loss and feel like they have abandoned us for a different model , it hurts so much because all of us are so nice , so kind and loving and we have all given ourselves to our children and our husbands as we signed that contract , they broke that contract not us we never asked or wanted this , however we must now start a different path , a scary path , all alone when we have been part of couple longer than we were alone so we feel like we have lost half of us ! I feel alone in a crowded room hush too . Time and no contact so they can't push our emotional buttons is the only way forward my beautiful friend xxx

Kirk that was beautiful, let's all hold hands over the miles and skip down the scary path....none of them are worth the tears and heart ache.

Good Morning Louisa,
You are right it is unkind and it is cruel.
He has ground me down and unfortunately now I have no self confidence or self esteem left.
I did look at the Freedom programme briefly before but I will take another look.
Thank you for all your support and kindness.
I hope you have a good day xx

Good morning Kirk.
I hope you enjoyed lunch with your friend?
Your therapist talks a lot of sense, which I suppose is what you would expect as she is dealing with this all the time.
As we have said before contacting our husbands just feeds their egos. I have wanted to contact mine for over a week but I have resisted the temptation.
I am glad that she thinks you look better physically. Just your mental/emotional state to fix! Easier said than done! We can do it though, eventually!
We do have to take a different path, a scary path. The future terrifies me.
No contact is the way forward. Unfortunately I know that he will be turning up at some point to collect some more stuff. That really messes with my head!
I hope that you have a great weekend as you really deserve it.
xxx❤️

Good morning pizza,
Yes let's all skip down the scary path together.
They are not worth all the tears and heartache!
Have a good day xx

Morning ladies. I've found I've felt really low since Easter. DH has been around and his relationship with DD has substantially improved. He's happy to do whatever I need him to do (I'm away this weekend and he's looking after DD and the dog) but I keep thinking there must be something really wrong with me. Am I that awful that he could chuck in 24 years of marriage when he hasn't even got anyone else to go to? (He definitely hasn't). How do I ever get over this? Very down today.

Good morning all.
What wise posts Kirk. Have read your thread and appreciate what a hard time you're having.
Hush - it's time to woman up and put yourself first! It's unacceptable that you're 'waiting' for him to contact you / to turn up to collect things. Part of the moving on is about taking some control in a situation where you have limited control.
Kirk (and her therapist) talk great sense about no contact. I know he has lots of belongings in your house. Would it be possible to designate a space where you will put all his bagged up belongings? Ideally outside - shed? garage? Failing that, one room and you just bag up all his belongings and put them in there.
You can then go no contact as has been suggested - set up that file for his emails or tell him to make arrangements via your solicitor and not to contact you?
Then ideally he can get his things without coming into the house and you have created some space and can then get on with clearing and creating some spaces of your own - a window ledge, a cupboard or a drawer a day?
We are all lurking in cyber space behind you and wishing you well. xxxxx

I know he has lots of belongings in your house. Would it be possible to designate a space where you will put all his bagged up belongings? Ideally outside - shed? garage? Failing that, one room and you just bag up all his belongings and put them in there

Its been suggested that a commercial storage facility would be ideal. It wouldnt cost much either but Husha seems unable to make this move even though it would be good for her.

Husha, could you make this your task for April?

xx

Good Morning madame.
I am so sorry to hear that you have felt really low since Easter.
I hope you are doing something nice while you are away for the weekend.
Is there no way back for you, if you want that?
He seems to be trying to be decent.
If it is definitely over you will find a way through it somehow. With the help of family and RL friends and your virtual MN friends.
Many ladies on here have been down this path before us but I know what the pain feels like. After such long marriages it is only to be expected.
Try and keep your chin up. Do you have someone you can talk to about how you feel?
I hope you have a good weekend away.
Thinking of you. Take care xx